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AIBU?

To want my husband to lose weight?

9 replies

Mrs1904 · 09/01/2024 20:09

I'm 38 my husband is 37.
Over the last year he has been pretty inactive and has gradually gained quite a big belly. He is a kind, generous husband and father. Doesn't drink much, only on a rare night out but he loves his food. We both cook healthy homemade meals each evening, sometimes with a takeaway on a Friday but I think he must eat quite a bit at work on lunch etc.
I've been feeling a little meh myself and have eased off my exercise regime during a tough December, so I am trying to incentivise both of us to get moving and exercising but he just laughs it off and rubs his ever increasing tum. Health wise I just really want him to get healthier, both of his parents died quite young (71 and 77) due to heart failure and i fear for his health.
WIBU to outright say that he is getting too big and we need to knuckle down and sort it out? I don't want to hurt his feelings but subtle comments don't seem to work 🙈

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

35 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
Dacadactyl · 09/01/2024 20:11

I personally think this is fine to say to him if hes put on a lot of weight through no other reason than overeatinf (and wouldnt have a problem if my DH said it to me, unless it was due to illness). Just pick your words gently.

Strawberrylacess · 09/01/2024 20:11

My mum and dad are in this sort of situation.

My dad is pretty significantly overweight.

My mum has tried every tactic under the sun - his mum died early last year and her being overweight was a factor in the illness she died from.

Unfortunately, even this hasn't been enough of a wake up call. He starts some crazy diet or exercise regime but he never sticks to it.

I really don't think you can force someone to do it unless they want to do it themselves. It is very frustrating.

CreationNat1on · 09/01/2024 20:13

Could you both go on an activity holiday, to kick start a healthy new approach

Icantbedoingwithit · 09/01/2024 20:13

Yes, nothing wrong with saying it but anytime a man comes on here and says the same they are flamed for daring to speak of their wife’s weight. Always makes me laugh.

Ragwort · 09/01/2024 20:14

Imagine a woman posting that her DH would like her to lose weight... what would the responses be?!

I am three stone overweight... I am sure my DH would love me to be slimmer .. if not for my appearance for my health ... but he would never, ever comment on my weight.

Jumbojem · 09/01/2024 20:16

I'd maybe couch it as wanting both of you to be healthier to ensure healthier/more active ageing rather than specifically loosing weight. Show your concern isn't about looks but that his parents had heart issues and want to prevent similar for yourselves.
There's a risk if you push too hard on weight loss he'll turn against it. The belly rubbing makes me think he's already aware he's put on weight but currently doesn't think it's an issue.

PunjabiGirl · 09/01/2024 20:16

Its ok to be worried for his health if that's the issue.

I am however expecting the double standards to start coming on this thread. A man would get flamed for posting this about a woman I'm sure.

Mintearo7 · 09/01/2024 20:27

Sometimes saying you need to lose weight or be healthier is too vague. Just keep suggesting stuff that might spark action for him - tennis, a health retreat, charity run, listening to health podcast, sports club/challenge with friends, buy him books (like ultra-processed people). He’s getting to an age where the weight will be harder to shift, he needs to find a healthy habit he enjoys and will stick to, rather than just ‘lose weight’.

FiftyNotNifty · 09/01/2024 20:36

I once posted about my overweight DH on here and got absolutely taken to pieces!
I stand by not being happy about it, especially when there's nothing health related involved.

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