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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don't know what to think about him

4 replies

crisisaverted · 09/01/2024 18:54

I have this situation at work with someone and I don't know what to do. I have a work colleague and we started chatting on whatsapp about a year ago outside of work. He told me that he liked me and that he was single. I told him (truthfully) that I was living with my husband but we don't have a physical relationship and haven't done for a long time but live together as friends with our daughter. He wanted to take the friendship further and basically for us to start having a physical relationship but before that I told him me and my husband are not legally separated and he said that would be cheating and he is totally against cheating. I said that was ok and I could understand how he felt and we could just continue to be friends. Then about a month later he revealed to me that when he was in the ambulance service about 5 years ago he had an affair with a colleague behind his partner's back that went on for 3 years. He intended to leave his partner for the other woman but she was engaged to be married to someone else. She eventually got married to the other man but then split up with him about 18 months later. Then my colleague broke up with his wife and got her and their kids to move out of the house because he thought the woman he was having an affair with would come back to him when her marriage ended but she didn't and that is why he was single and living on his own. So everything he said to me about how he disapproved of people cheating which made me feel really bad was a cover up for him. We continued chatting as friends and then he started seeing someone else at the place that we currently work in Devon. He didn't tell me about the new relationship until other people at work knew about it first and I was really upset because I did have feelings for him and he was still having flirty conversations with me, making suggestive comments and asking me if I was seeing anyone else after he started dating this new woman. I've now told him to get lost and told him I think he is a snake. AIBU?

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 09/01/2024 19:24

Does your husband know about your chats and previous intentions with this work colleague? If he doesn’t then YABU, you were being as much of a snake as the work colleague. Even if your DH did know you are still being unreasonable as the guy is single he can date whoever he wants. He could of maybe given you a heads up that he was seeing someone if you all work together but he obviously doesn’t have much respect for you

fatphalange · 09/01/2024 19:27

He sounds like he gets a kick out of duplicitousness
Let him stay in the bin.

Jingledog · 09/01/2024 19:30

He sounds dangerous in terms of his disregard for others and desire to pursue others quite addictively

Fionaville · 09/01/2024 19:35

So you're upset because you wanted to cheat, but the other cheater said he didn't like cheating, despite cheating in the past?
Maybe he learnt his lesson last time. Either way, you're wrong for wanting to cheat. Let your husband know you don't want to be married to him anymore before you start any new relationships. YABU.

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