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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your experience of girl boy boy birth order?

44 replies

GBBexperience · 09/01/2024 16:46

Please this isn't a gender disappointment thread so be kind. I'm completely overwhelmed.

I've just had my third and final baby and I have had a second boy. He is a delight but I had thought he was a girl throughout pregnancy (my intuition was clearly off...)

I am trying to adjust while awash with hormones and I think my main worry is how the birth order of GBB works.

There are 2 years between each of them and the older 2 get on pretty well in the main. I am worried my girl will be left out.

Thank you.

OP posts:
GaroTheMushroom · 09/01/2024 16:50

I have GBBG so not exactly the same but due to the age gap between the oldest girl and youngest girl they don’t play together and yes unfortunately to say my boys DO team up against my DD which really annoys me I often wish the order had been different so the two boys couldn’t team up against her, it’s relentless tbh.

ShoePalaver · 09/01/2024 16:50

I think it will depend on their personalities and how they are parented. With 3 there may be one left out but it may change as to which one that is. I wouldn't panic although maybe consider having a 4th!

ShoePalaver · 09/01/2024 16:51

I have 2 younger brothers but there was no ganging up. My mother practised a divide and rule strategy and none of us liked each other. We get on well now though

Original poster
GBBexperience · 09/01/2024 16:52

Fucking hell. OK. Any positive stories?

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 09/01/2024 17:00

I have gbb all in their 30s now. There is 17months between 1st two and 18months between last two.

There was a little bit of leaving dd out when they wanted to play rougher games but really not enough to worry about. My middle son would tell you now that he was always left out, he wasn't but he's always had a bad case of middle child syndrome.

I would say dd and youngest son are closer but middle son has always had fragile mental health issues and tends to push us away.

Congratulations on your new baby.

SingingSands · 09/01/2024 17:03

Not my direct experience but my neighbour had girl, boy, boy all 2 years apart. The boys are extremely close. The girl is mature, loving and fun - growing up they all played together (with my kids, being right next door). All teenagers now and rub along ok, but I'd say the boys are definitely closer to each other than their sister and the girl is really close with her mum, they have a lovely relationship.

LindseysDoily · 09/01/2024 17:12

I have GBB now in late twenties/thirties. There were two 3 year gaps. When they were young the older 2 were closer, i think because youngest had quite a few health problems. During late teens/twenties they fell out a lot but now they all get on fine. We’ve had a lovely Xmas all together with their partners as well.I love how they all revert to their childhood order and behaviour when they get together ( despite all having quite responsible jobs!)

Thepossibility · 09/01/2024 17:21

I have GBB and for us it was perfect. The older two sometimes play together but the girl is getting to the age she likes time away from her brothers to do calmer things. The two boys play together all the time, it's great because they run around play fighting and all that while she can draw or whatever in relative peace.

Hipnotised · 09/01/2024 17:24

B1B2G. B1 and G get on best if that helps!

29andLost · 09/01/2024 17:27

I have BGGG
My mum had BG
Her mum (my granny) had BG
My miL had BBBB

spriots · 09/01/2024 17:32

DH and his siblings had this. None of them are close as adults but the girl less so - mostly because my PIL have always preferred her and treated her differently as the most important one because she is the daughter. It still persists, her kids are the most important grandchildren etc

But also I have a friend with two younger brothers and they get on brilliantly and always have

Notimeforaname · 09/01/2024 17:36

My sister has an older girl and two boys. They talk about "the boys" all the time and then niece separately. They never say "the kids" it's always "the boys" and niece..

Undethetree · 09/01/2024 17:43

Not quite the same but I have two boys then a girl, all primary age. The two boys get on great because they're both boys and the younger two get on great (like best friends) because they are closer in age. It's a bit chaotic but it's honestly fine and when I take one out for some 1-on-1 time, the other two will entertain each other. I think sibling relationships are more down to personality than age/gender/anything else.

NotManyDaysTilChristmas · 09/01/2024 17:46

Mine are same order, similar age gaps. There was a nice balance I felt and I am fairly certain my DD never felt left out. Middle child maybe more so, not purposely obviously but it has been mentioned by him on occasion! Personally I liked the balance here.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:46

I think it all depends on the children’s personalities, and in many cases will be fine.

I am the eldest of three in a GBB order, with exactly the same gaps - two years each.

Unfortunately my two brothers did gang up and not only leave me about but were often actively unkind with teasing etc. The problem was, I think, that they were allowed to do this - my Mum often used to join in! Ha ha, Gertrude is so funny/ laughable etc, let’s all mimic her. No doubt through insecurity on her own part, glee at finally being part of “the gang” with someone else (me) being the one left out.

Also they were allowed to get away with being much more insistent on their own priorities and boundaries than I was. I think due to a lot of unconscious sexism from my parents.

Its left me with quite a lot of issues re males.

So yes, it can go horribly wrong but it’s down to parenting rather than the specific mix of sexes.

Ardagusdubh · 09/01/2024 17:47

I have BGG, tiny age gap between first 2 then almost 4 years. First 2 are close and girl is like a mini mummy to youngest sometimes but she’s matured faster and so generally not fazed by the boys recent closeness and similar interests. She used to ask for sister but it was not on the cards at all. She is very close with her female cousins which scratches that itch for her. They are 3 great children who generally get on well but boys are definitely the easiest (so far… eldest is 12).
oh, congratulations on your little boy 😍

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:47

With my kids, any teasing or deliberately pressing of the other one’s buttons does not fly at all - being unkind to each other is the thing I’m strictest about (and otherwise - I’m not terribly strict!)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:50

Notimeforaname · 09/01/2024 17:36

My sister has an older girl and two boys. They talk about "the boys" all the time and then niece separately. They never say "the kids" it's always "the boys" and niece..

Don’t be sure that this is an unkindness to the boys though - it might well be that it makes the girl feel very left out rather than them feeling “lumped together”.

RoseGoldEagle · 09/01/2024 17:51

Just to say I have GBG and my youngest two still leave eldest DD out, similar age gaps. I think it’s just the age they’re at now and the younger two just get on better. I know that may not be helpful but just to say if your younger two get on better it’s not necessarily a girl/ boy thing! Congrats on your new baby!

MrsMarzetti · 09/01/2024 17:52

My GBB's are now in their 30s. There was no ganging up. My daughter was and still is bossy with her brothers and they let her be. The did wind her up when she was a hormonal teen but they have always been friends.

WYorkshireRose · 09/01/2024 17:55

DH is the middle boy in a GBB sibling group, 18 months between them all. He was closer to his DB than his DS growing up, but they're all estranged from each other as adults. He says on reflection, he was often given less of his parent's attention as the middle child, although that may also have something to do with his siblings personalities (and the reasons they're now estranged!)

elepants · 09/01/2024 18:19

My kids are GBB, with about two years between each, and I'm also the eldest of GBB with about the same gaps between me and my brothers. Growing up we had some rivalry but that was much more to do with how we were parented (badly). In adulthood, we're very close. I speak to my brothers most days. My own kids are still very young but they get on brilliantly and I hope it lasts. I was delighted when I ended up with the split we've got.

Noooooooope · 09/01/2024 18:23

I know someone with this set up, all kids are adults now.

The boys HATE each other, and they both get on well the girl!

Original poster
GBBexperience · 09/01/2024 18:23

elepants · 09/01/2024 18:19

My kids are GBB, with about two years between each, and I'm also the eldest of GBB with about the same gaps between me and my brothers. Growing up we had some rivalry but that was much more to do with how we were parented (badly). In adulthood, we're very close. I speak to my brothers most days. My own kids are still very young but they get on brilliantly and I hope it lasts. I was delighted when I ended up with the split we've got.

Thank you. This has made me cry (not hard).

I have only sisters so I just have no reference point and I am so worried I've ruined my daughter's life. Obviously I know this is mad but I can't seem to get a grip on myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
GBBexperience · 09/01/2024 18:25

Thanks to everyone's replies so far. I am reading them all carefully. It does seem to me that all combinations and number of children are a question of luck to some extent as to how everyone gets on and interacts.

I guess the answer is there is no answer and the best I can do is parent them well and hope their personalities are compatible.

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