To wonder why shitty people are so popular?

[DezRez88]

Case in point. 40 odd year old bloke with a bunch of kids to different women, he spends his life in and out of prison committing crime including offences against women / the mothers of said children. Coke head. There is nothing redeeming about him at all. He's a complete prick.

He has dozens of friends and people who think the sun shines out of his backside. Loads of them.

He isn't an isolated case. I've had the misfortune of knowing a fair few people like him and they had no shortage of friends either.

In the workplace I see people falling over themselves to get approval from and be liked by 'mean girl' types.

Even going way back to school years, the gobby kids known for causing trouble are the popular ones that people wanted to be friends with.

What's that about then?

Why are shitty people so popular?

They aren’t popular. They are feared. Keep your enemies closer and all that.

He has dozens of friends and people who think the sun shines out of his backside

I doubt that, they probably fear & try to placate him.

My 17y has a ‘friend’ who belittles her, shows off and tells everyone that all
the boys fancy her. She is constantly saying how popular she is and how my daughter is not good at music, academic stuff etc. This girl is indeed very popular and many think she is ‘so sweet’.

I don’t see the appeal and hope one day pride will predate a fall for her.

I think it's partly that people are scared of them and therefore behave in a fawning way to try to appease them, and partly because these sorts of people often badmouth others and are generally contemptuous. If they then briefly show approval to another, that person is flattered and relieved to be one of the chosen few and tries desperately to maintain this position and court further approval - which looks to others as if they like the unpleasant person. If there are several people caught in the web, it can look like popularity.

Didn't you know OP ?
Bitches do better.
Sadly.

Just pondered this exact topic with OH over the weekend. Work with a bitch who is my equal on a management level, bitch has screwed me over several times, I ended up the bad guy for not letting it go whilst she talked everyone else round, and now I'm having to play fucking nice with her to get by name out of the mud. Why do the bad guys win? Because we fucking let them.

I can't wait for my mat leave and to never set eyes on her again. Bitch will go far, but she'll be lonely. Or probably not. But at least it won't be my problem.

Don’t confuse popularity with power.

your daughter serves a purpose for this friend and probably says little to all the negative remarks she makes. Other people just give her an audience to all she she says she has done or is. Less audience would be beneficial and your 17 Yr old having it pointed out to be aware of her purpose may change the situation

Probably extroverts and just talk to a lot of people and make friends very easily. I'm sure there are very nice extroverts with just as many friends! Gift of the gab and all that.

In my experience really good craic and charm they go a really long way in hiding a person’s flaws. A long of very narcissistic people are extremely charming.

Some people are fun and regardless of how nice they are or not people are drawn to them.

A girl in my junior school class was popular with the other girls, whilst being nasty to the boy with ginger hair and the boys with learning disabilities.

It broke my heart to see those boys being bullied and the teachers were useless, so I decided to teach her some manners. I made her life hell. This required careful planning, and made me even more unpopular with her entourage.

Most children would rather have an easy time at school.

Why was she so popular? Because her entourage were entertained by her nastiness and were relieved that they themselves were not a target.

I'm intrigued, how did you make her life hell?!

Consider that the people they are popular with are either shitty themselves or they are weak followers who are poor judges of character. Also remember such friendships aren't deep or fulfulling, so they aren't worth much. A lot of people are shallow. Sucks to be them. You're far better off having a few true friends than loads of superficial ones who won't be there when you need them.

Apologies for mistakenly copying the original text in my response. I know that irritates people.

I know what the OP meant (I'm aware that it's an old thread now but it's something I've observed too.)

I don't think it is always fear that draws people to them - keep your friends close and your enemies close sort of thing.

These people tend to 'go big' in everything they do. They can be very funny (and not always at the expense of others), they're the ones holding the parties, they're the ones buying the drinks, they can be very generous to the people around them who aren't their targets.

They're often outgoing and give the impression that the fun starts and ends with them. Some people are drawn to that. Some people judge people as they find them and separate the person they are to be around from their behaviours elsewhere. Some people admire their apparent "don't give a shit" attitude, some people are flattered that someone who is mean to others is nice to them and a lot of people just don't have a very strong moral compass and don't care how they treat others.

People also generally look for the good in others and are surprised to find they're not an arsehole 24/7 and feel somewhat forgiving towards them, which can elicit feelings of fondness.

As someone else said, they often have the gift of the gab and are very confident. A lot of people find confidence attractive. But these generally aren't deep connections or true friendships.

I also think the dynamics and reasons are different depending on the sexes of the people involved. Eg look at the number of women who believe they can tame a 'bad boy' or believe stories of 'crazy exes' because a man flatters her. People like this target people and behave incredibly well towards them. They draw them in.

Some people recognise this and keep their distance and others don't.

Humans and their social interactions are complex.

I too would like to know how you made her life hell @BanksysSprayCan

Do you know how she ended up ?

Because they appear rich, good looking, popular, successful or any other positive attribute. They can be funny. They can be interesting and bring the drama.

Sheep seem to like that. They may still think they're a knob but still are attracted to the "fun" stuff.

She got into trouble numerous times for being late, lost / damaged homework and for missing or dirty uniform. Her family moved away so I have no idea of how her life turned out.

I am still in occasional contact with two of the boys that she used to bully. One was a late developer intellectually and now works in the city of London, married with kids. The other works for the local council.

Being popular is not at all the same thing as being well liked.

Better to be the bully's friend than their victim sadly

Yeah I’m not sure it’s the shitty behaviour that makes them popular. They just get away with it because they have other qualities that people enjoy – they’re funny or charismatic or have good social skills or have an invigorating type of energy. So people turn a blind eye to the other stuff because of the enjoyable stuff they get out of the friendship. I mean, the likeable characteristics are probably what enable the bad behaviour, because they’re indulged.

Sometimes people are also good at talking about their own shortcomings or misdeeds in a sympathetic way or with an infectious type of humour.

Or good social skills make their version of events convincing. Or they just understand how to work people.

Also, if you’ve developed strong friendships, those people are more likely to stick by you because of the bond you share. You can be a selfish arsehole but good at friendships, good in groups, good at networking, etc.