To ask you what you think makes a good parent?

[FuckOffTom]

I have a 6 yo. He is doing very well at school, no issues or concerns from teachers. Seems very confident and able etc but I can’t help shake the feeling that I am not doing enough to be a good parent to him.

What in your opinion makes a good parent?
He is quite a fussy eater - he will try anything but if he doesn’t like it, it’ll make him wretch and I don’t like to force him to eat stuff like that

I think I maybe don’t spend enough time playing with him. We do play together but I usually favour taking him out to places over playing

I never dismiss how he feels about anything, I try and take anything that upsets him seriously as I want him to feel he can rely on me

I do read to him every night

I think I probably let him watch a bit too much TV and have been guilty of us doing TV dinners too much - I really want to change this

I know striving for perfection isn’t realistic, but I do worry that I am letting him down. Does anyone else feel this way?

OP, you sound like you’re doing a great job. Good parents can take so many forms, some good parents are good at playing, some are amazing at reading stories, some cook fresh food every single day, some work very hard outside the home to give their children opportunities, some live in poverty but feed their children before themselves, (not having enough food obviously shouldn’t be happening at all).

Someone once said (I can’t remember where I read it) that as long as children are warm, safe and fed the rest is middle class guilt. I wouldn’t go that far, I think there are things that make good parents beyond this (being kind, listening to your child, playing with them, reading to them, doing your best with healthy food, giving them time outside, opportunities to play etc).

Your time and patience are important.

You sound like my definition of a good parent, balancing new experiences and developing autonomy with needs being met.

I think we all feel guilty about aspects of our parenting at times.

You worrying about whether you're doing enough just shows how good you are as a parent. You are doing more than a lot of parents in this world. To me personally, showing love, supporting them and being there for them is what they will always remember and they will appreciate it and take it with them if they choose to have their own children in the future.

Patience, time, affection, effort, education.

Other than the obvious absolute essentials like food, safe environment, clothing, I'd say those are the top 5, not necessarily in that order.

I definitely don’t scrimp on the affection 😂
I like to think he knows he can come to me if he needs to. For example, on the odd time he struggles with getting to sleep because he is worrying about something (which doesn’t happen too often)
I should add, I am separated from his dad but we each have him half the week. Dad is his favourite and has started essentially telling me that more and more which I am trying not to take to heart but it’s difficult

Patience, empathy, consistency, boundaries, affection.

You sound like a good parent to me

Confidence to try new things (including food), and enough trust in me to say when they don't like that thing, but also to maybe try it again another day...

Ones that allow their kids to feel the range of emotions in a safe way but don't offer to their every whim. Ones who love their kids unconditionally but also have strong boundaries and don't let them get away with murder. Ones who give their kids space and don't crowd them all the time, constantly talking at them. Ones who help their kids feel like they matter but also don't bring them up to believe they are the most important people in the world.

I consider a good parent someone who considers the impact on their child about the decisions they make, puts their child’s needs before their own and prioritises their emotional and physical wellbeing.

Endless stability, patience and love, the rest is marginal gains.

There really isn’t an objective measure. In my mind feeding, clothing, educating, nurturing and providing security and stability are the pillars.

Then I look at my autistic ds with ARFID who is undernourished despite me breaking my heart to support him. He’s sometimes shabbily dressed, particularly after a growth spurt because he struggles to tolerate new or different clothes. He often misses an hour or two of school (no longer whole days) and homework and study are often impossible. He doesn’t believe that I love him (because I still send him to school, make him wash, and wear unpleasantly clean clothing) and it isn’t actually possible to maintain the degree of consistency that he requires to feel truly secure in the world.

All I can say is that I do my best. Don’t be hard on yourself op.

Being loving, consistent, supportive, actually being a parent rather than a child’s friend is really important I feel.

I'm not the biggest disciplinarian but I think kids love routine