How do you let your kids go a little?

[Antanddecliveinsidethetv]

Dd will start school full time in September (currently in Pre school part time)
I’ve been very lucky and stayed with Dd until she was 5, I work part time whilst she’s a pre school part time and was with her full time at home until 4
I feel sick at the thought of having no days with her in September onwards, which I know sounds ridiculous. I enjoy the time I do get at home alone on the days I don’t work and I need them! (Dd is wonderful but v high energy and quite intense)
I had her later in life, due to infertility and worked full time all my life until she came along. I have no interest in working anymore and only do it for the money we need. Surprisingly to me, my best days were when we were both at home when she was little, all the activities we did, outings with friends etc, I loved it, all of it and feel so sad at letting it go.
I work weekends so won’t have that same quality of time together and nice as it is when it’s all of us as a family when Dh is home, it isn’t the same. I don’t show this to her, but inside I’m so sad, I wish I could do it all again. I have good friends around and work etc, but all I would love is to do it all again.
Does/did anyone feel the same?
How do I stop feeling like this?

There’s 13 weeks of school holidays a year so make the most of those.

Yes, I know exactly how you feel - except I had DS2 almost 8 years later (infertility both times plus mcs in between) so I did get to do it all again.

I did use nursery for DS1 3 days a week but loved our two days together, just him and me. It was harder with DS2 because our afternoons on our free days had to work around school pickup of DS1.

Is there any way you can rework your shifts so you get weekends off?

And yes, make the most of school holidays!

I can relate

Except I don't get the school holidays 'with her' because she's always overshadowed by her (disabled) brother

So no 1-1 time at all with her once she starts school

I totally get where you’re coming from. I was very sad about moving on from the little children phase. Now that mine are older (12, 10 and the little one is 5) what I’ve come to realise is how many lovely things there are as they get older - having their friends round for tea, watching them in assemblies and shows and sports matches, having interesting chats about the books they’re reading. I’d say get as involved in school life as you can - PTA, volunteering for school trips etc - stay part of their world. If you can stay part time & pick up regularly you can & do “dates” after school for hot chocolate, to the library, swimming etc - you can still carve out special time on school days.

It doesn't sound ridiculous. Don't forget that school is only really a new innovation, end of 19th century.

I home school my children. My friends all say "I couldn't do that" but equally I couldn't do what they do. Home school isn't as arduous as people think, particularly at 5.

Totally normal!
I think it’s the fear of the unknown and the change that makes it worse but you do get into the routine quickly!

I work term time only so I’m lucky to still have all of the school holidays with them but admittedly I do still feel that pang of sadness when a new term begins. I find myself counting down the days until the next break whilst simultaneously wanting to freeze time because they’ll be x amount older next school break/summer/christmas.
It doesn’t last long though, you soon fall back into that routine.

Life and your relationship is supposed to change as they get older and it’s sad but also wonderful.

Plan lots of lovely things for half terms and summer holidays. I felt the same but half term comes around quick.

I love the doing things with her during the week, when it’s quiet, there’s something special about it, in school holidays its different

The school day is short. I have a day off a week (today) but it isn't a day, it's 6 hours which is both annoying as I can't get as much done as I'd like but does also mean there's plenty of time left for being with the children and for going to the park or a cafe or a museum or playing games, whatever you like to do.

You won't have "no days", you'll just have shorter days. If that helps!

Honestly it'll feel like they're hardly ever in. They're home at 3.30 and school holidays are every 5 minutes. Plus you will constantly have world book day costumes and save the whale bake sales and parents' assemblies etc. I recommend instigating a quick trip to the park after school, and if there are some other parents who like to do that it's a good way to make friends with the other mums and dads in the reception class.

Its funny because the school holidays are popularly portrayed as hell for parents :-(

You could consider flexi school, which is 2 or 3 days at school. I used to do that and it's a nice hybrid.

Here's a map

https://www.home-education.org.uk/flexischool-map.htm

The holidays in England and Scotland are different, so depending where you're based you could always take some of the holidays in the other country and have those quiet days. I've done that quite a bit as we have family in Glasgow, and it's nice to go to different museums and things when they don't have the school holiday rush. Admittedly not the same as the constant time though!

I have two DC but I do 'ladies who lunch' with my dd and take her out on my own a few times a term, sometimes after school or at the weekend and leave DH so it's just us. Often we just go for a cake somewhere but as she's getting older she likes to be my stylist and we go into shops and try clothes on etc. I'm holding onto it before I become embarrassing for her to be near!

It's most fun when it's impromptu and she gets a surprise if I pick her up after school and go out.

I don’t have any advice but me too. Sometimes I wish there was a button to push to make it stand still. Just wanted to reply so you know you’re not alone in those feelings!

Are part time schools legal? Never heard of that

I feel you so much op. I didn't send my daughter until she was 5 either. I had her brother, so got to do it again with him and now have her little sister too, to begin again but it isn't just the same. I have never replicated the magic of those years with my little friend, my little shadow.

I was the same but got used to the new routine surprisingly quickly and got a new job within a few months. Could you look at changing your job (or hours) so you can have some weekend time with her?

You need to remind yourself that one of the best things you can do for your kids is to teach them to be functional, independent adults. This starts now. You will obviously have wonderful quality time with her ash she grows up, but she is going to have the opportunity to experience new people, new ideas and gain confidence and skills that you can help nurture.

Do you work every weekend? If I were in your position I'd look for a weekday job so that you have full weekends with her.

There are a LOT of school holidays and they're home mid-afternoon, that's a lot of afternoon to fill with nice activities (harder in winter of course, but still a good two hours).

I work four days and my son just started school this year. I struggle to get anything useful done while he's at school, it's so short compared to nursery and I'm always realising I need to rush home from whatever errand I'm running at 3pm.

It's called flexi schooling. It's absolutely legal and brilliant for the child. If you feel as you do, I urge you to find your local school using the map.

I wouldn't home ed or flexi because you are going to miss your DC. It has to be in the best interests of the child and tbh I think you having some distance and building up your own adult based time will be in her best interest. I honestly thought you were talking about giving freedom to a pre teen or adult DC moving out when I read your title. It's not at all healthy to be so intently focused on being with your child. Things are chasing but days out etc will still happen, you have a lot of days where she isn't in school over the year and I would cherish those whilst finding something else to be your main focus otherwise

I thought I might feel like this but... I drop off at 9am, pick up at 3pm... It always feels like a half day. By 2.30pm I'm getting ready to pick up the kids. It's not like nursery which was 8am-6pm. Plus the school holidays as everyone has said. They're every six weeks, plus the inset days sprinkled everywhere. I know it's not the same but honestly, it's enough lol. She'll be gone for six hours of the day, you'll have the other 18 hours 😂

I know it’s really hard, but however you cope, try to hide it from DD (as you say you will). I grew up with a mother who missed me excessively, always writing me letters to say how much she’d been thinking of me when I wasn’t home - at one point when I was away on a school trip she kept a diary of how much she was missing me all day. It was a LOT of pressure.