AIBU to not allow my dad to stay over?

[howfartospar]

My dad can get a little bit Lairy after a drink

it's nothing too severe, I think it's just he takes his 'rugby club' mentality around with him sometimes. He can be very direct and brash and this is worsened IMO, after he's had a drink.

An example of this was when my DH offered him a drink and he would reply "I know where the fridge is, if I want a drink I'll help myself"

My mum is the complete opposite and I love spending time with her, but obviously they come as a pair.

Our time together normally involves going for meals or alright arrange barbecues in the daytime.etc.

More recently I've stopped offering for them to come and stay as that often involves excess alcohol for my Dad. ( for context I don't drink at all) my dad is now taking it upon himself to try and invite himself over when we go out.

I've just ignored this so far but it's getting really awkward. I've tried to speak to him about this previously but its fallen on dear ears.

I really do value having both parents still alive and do value spending time with them, but I being unreasonable to have boundaries around this?

I would just firmly say that they are welcome to come around for a sober night as you are no longer allowing alcohol in the house.

I feel like this is a blanket statement that will be less offensive as it applies to everyone (and you can do what you want with your friends and he doesn't need to know).

And just say "we are now an alcohol free home" on repeat 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why on earth does he want to come round whilst you are out ?

This 100%.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. I meant stay over if we go out to a restaurant near where we live, or that he stay over all he stays over after a barbecue at our house. We live on the opposite side of town to each other.

Great advice. However, my DH does enjoy a drink and it's just me who is teetotal.

@howfartospar how far away from you do your parents live? do you mean your parents sleep overnight at your house? why do they have to stay over? lock the drink in the garage or hide it all under your bed

Don’t have much drink in., or hide it. Explain your concerns to your DH. Mine likes a drink but I got him to not offer the whisky after a night out when DF and DSM were over. DSM asked us not to get it out when they were over as she was worried about DF.

If you’re teetotal and he behaves unacceptably while drunk in your home then you have every right to tell him that based on his conduct on various past occasions he’s only welcome as an overnight guest if he’s not been drinking and making himself awful to be around. Obviously there’s ways to word it, but you absolutely aren’t unreasonable to have that stance. I’d also take a PP’s advice to tell him that as you’re teetotal you really don’t enjoy the watching the behaviour changes in drunk people so he’s perfectly welcome to stay unless he’s been drinking - in which case he’s making a choice to opt for a cab or a hotel. I mean, can he really not rein it in and behave for a night?

Or could you say we’re doing dry January as far as home drinking is concerned- but not tell him beforehand so he doesn’t bring his own?

he’s your dad. Be honest and say sometimes he can be quite harsh after a drink and you don’t want to be walking on egg shells in your own home however he is more than welcome if staying sober.

You live in the same town! There is no need whatsoever for him to stay over.

Is he too mean to spring for a taxi (since he's been drinking, he cannot drive home).

Get rid of the spare bed.
'Hi, we're having a bbq, starting at 2, finishing at 8. Sorry you can't stay over, so make sure you've money for a taxi or sober enough to drive, see you then'

Why.....

'Dad I didn't want to mention it but as you've asked, when you've had a few drinks you're too lairy and a make unpleasant remarks. It's not that we're too sensitive or that we can't take a joke. You cross the line and make me uncomfortable in my own house. So. I more overnight stays, taxi or you drive. See you then'

My husband is banned from visiting his sons family while having had any alcohol (then again he's a terrible binge drinker)

I’ll change my mind - on reflection I think this is a better approach. Keep the message brief initially. If he queries why he can’t stay over, then send the follow up as recommended here.