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AIBU?

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11 replies

penelopewi · 09/01/2024 02:46

In the past I have opened up to my partner about my past experiences in relationships. And when I least expected it he threw it back in my face. Now I have been open and honest about a lot of things abuse, trauma etc. but I feel like he can't help me through everything. So there are some things I have kept to myself.

Because of certain things I have said to him he is not a big fan of my mom. I don't want what I'm telling him about what I went through as a child to make him not care for my mom. A lot of things I went through as a child, pre teen, teen, young adult it's embarrassing.

We were talking and I explained to him I will be finding a therapist this year. It's something's I've thought about for years. First he is not big on therapy a lot of people aren't but what bothered me is the fact that he got upset bc I said I feel like It's some things I need to talk about with a therapist.

He went to saying that now he think he doesn't know me and I'm explaining to him you can't help me through everything and I can't either. He ended up hanging up in my face ... ok. I have not been dishonest about anything. But now I left thinking am I crazy???

Trauma dumping on folks is not ok especially when people have their own problems to deal with. Regardless of being in a relationship or not like I explained to him he's not a therapist. Nor am I and I can't help him with his trauma and he can't help with mine. He's very opinionated and that's ok but I'm not going to react like he does to everything.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 09/01/2024 02:52

He’s not very supportive of you , is he. Even though therapists aren’t for him, he should be accepting and supporting you . Sounds like he’s adding to the problems.

penelopewi · 09/01/2024 02:55

Riverlee · 09/01/2024 02:52

He’s not very supportive of you , is he. Even though therapists aren’t for him, he should be accepting and supporting you . Sounds like he’s adding to the problems.

Some things no but I've learned to become ok with it I guess. He questions everything I do.

OP posts:
hombu · 09/01/2024 03:05

It sounds like he's afraid you will talk to the therapist about him and realize that you deserve better. Seriously though therapy is a great idea and his reactions sound not healthy.

dontgobaconmyheart · 09/01/2024 03:06

I'd find a partner taking issue with me seeking therapy (for a valid reason, or absolutely no reason at all in fact, just because i fancied it say) to be a huge red flag.

Hanging up on you is dismissive and rude. He sounds incredibly dismissive of your needs and difficult experiences full stop really. What benefit do you get from having him around? You don't have to excuse everything he does - you do deserve to be listened to, respected and allowed autonomy of experience, choices and opinion just as much as you say he does. If you aren't getting it why is that and why is he more important. It sounds unhealthy and unhappy for you and not like it is serving you at all to be honest.

Shoxfordian · 09/01/2024 05:19

Therapy definitely sounds like it will benefit you- he just seems part of the problem tbh

Calamitousness · 09/01/2024 05:25

He doesn’t sound very smart or very nice. Get a therapist and hopefully they will help you see you deserve better from a partner.

planetarynoodle · 09/01/2024 06:24

I don't think he's right for you. I'm not sure who he is right for mind.

autienotnaughty · 09/01/2024 07:36

He sounds awful. I've had ex partners and family members use stuff I'd shared with them to win an argument. It's just an awful think to do. The family members who have done this I do not share my feelings with them anymore. And I would not be in a relationship with someone who treats me that way.

The not wanting you to have therapy is also worrying. Why wouldn't he want you to get to a better place mentally?

Riverlee · 09/01/2024 07:59

I think if he questions everything you do, he’s eroded your self confidence, so now you’re doubting yourself. Do what’s right for you, not what he thinks his right.

Foxblue · 09/01/2024 08:03

He doesn't sound very intelligent if he doesn't understand that therapists exist for very specific reasons.... its okay to think 'therapy isn't for me, personally' but he's bang out of order reacting this way to you seeking medical care

Sk8erboi · 09/01/2024 08:10

I had a partner like this once. Anything I had told him about my life or the people in it was used against me at a later date or gave him a reason to not let me see that person.

He was very abusive and controlling, not saying you're partner is an abuser but your partner is supposed to be your support and yours isn't.
I learnt early on not to share anything with him and to me that's not a relationship.

Agree that he's probably worried you'll tell the therapist about him.
You won't be able to change him so you need to Decide if this is what you want

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