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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird coincidences (TW - bereavement related).

3 replies

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/01/2024 00:42

So this time of year is really crap for me. I'm trying to be resilient, but with varying degrees if success. I have a weird pattern seeking brain and this isn't helped by the following:

On 5th January 2022 my DP of 11 years, my soul mate collapsed out of the blue. He had a brain bleed. He survived the operation to save his life, but tested positive for Covid (asymptomatic) so we couldn't visit for 14 days.

On 15th January (my birthday) I was notified by phone he had had a second catastrophic brain bleed from which he would not recover.

DP died on 25th January.

On 14th February also my DPs birthday, I had to pick his burial plot as that was the only time the council guys could offer me.

His funeral ended up being on 11th March - my late mothers birthday, she died in 2020.

My DP died of undiagnosed cancer that had metastasis to his brain, discovered at post mortem - my Mum died of ovarian cancer after a four year battle). My Dad is in remission from splenic lymphoma. His Mother died from breast cancer as did his sister. My Mum's sister died from ovarian cancer too. My Step father died from liver cancer. In the last two years I have lost two friends to cancer and another has survived it.

Since then I have had bad news on two other family members birthdays - my DIL's when I was notified that my DPs step - mother has early onset dementia - (his mother has end stage dementia and my Step Mother may be heading the same wsy) and at my FIL's 80th birthday I was informed that someone my DP was close to had taken their own life.

In addition 24th January is the date I left my Ex DH ( for good reason) so I have my two significant relationships ending in a 24 hour period about 12 years apart.

Now I know it's probably just bad luck and I just have to get on with it but honestly I do wonder if I'm slightly cursed.

Any mathematicians on here like to calculate the odds on all this, because it preys on my mind, and I'm now fairly birthday phobic....

And yes I probably am a bit nuts, so feel free to tell me to pull myself together. It just sucks big time at the moment.... I miss my DP and my Mum so much, but especially now.

Oh, and I was the same age as my Mum when she lost my Step Dad when my DP died.

Weird. It's all a bit weird.

OP posts:
KnowledgeableMomma · 09/01/2024 02:09

First, I'm sorry to hear all the struggles your family is going through. Sending positive thoughts your way.

In regards to the pattern......I don't see one? Statistically, the larger you widen your search parameters, the more 'coincidences' you'll find. It doesn't mean the findings are correlative.

You are not unlucky. You, your family, and friends' birthdays are safe. Something bad is just as likely to happen on a nonbirthdate for you. Want to calculate the number of positive things that have happened on your family's birthdays? I'll bet you find the percentage quite high.

Ofcourseshecan · 09/01/2024 04:05

I don’t know about the coincidences, but I think you may be trying to see a pattern, to make some kind of sense of all the dreadful things that are happening to you. But it’s probably just random misfortune. And some cancers run in families.

I’m sorry you’re going through so much grief, OP. I hope this run of bad luck ends soon. Do be kind to yourself, eat healthily, get out for fresh air, do things you enjoy, spend time with good friends. Those are things that I’ve found helpful when going through a bad patch.

onestepfromgrace · 09/01/2024 04:48

I too have a pattern seeking brain but I think you are looking for patterns and coincidences and making leaps.

My Grandfather died on my Grandmothers Birthday.
My Mother died on my Birthday.
My Father died 4 days earlier than my Mother, 4 years earlier.
My Grandmother and my DH Grandmother died on the same date 1 year apart.
They were both buried on our wedding anniversary.

My niece was born on my wedding anniversary.
I have a nephew who was born on his mothers birthday.
My daughters birthday is the same date as her step-daughter

When we visited our parents favourite place we had many coincidences, the biggest one was that we randomly stopped for a photograph and when we got home we realised someone had taken a photograph of our parents in exactly the same spot.

These are all true and that is without looking for patterns or coincidences of other dates or illnesses.

I'm sorry for your loss, have you had bereavement counselling?

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