To want a new midwife

[Orangeandgold]

I’m halfway through pregnancy and want to switch my midwife. She’s new, doesn’t hold much of a conversation, very awkward.

My first midwife was so chatty, even got to know my family, I knew a little about her, listened and took an interest in my life in the time of our appointments and just made me feel to comfortable (this was almost 10 years ago!).

AIBU to want to switch midwives mainly due to personality but what also seems like lack of experience (Oh and today I had my bloods taken for the hundredth time - the first time by her and my blood went absolutely everywhere where she probably didn’t put the cotton on fast enough - sorry if that’s tmi).

This is under the NHS - can I change?

Who would you ask to change? Also isn’t it awkward to say why you want to change? I appreciate it’s a disappointment when you’ve had better experiences but if I were you I’d stick with her.

You’re not being unreasonable wanting to change necessarily but I think you’re being unreasonable that you think you can on the NHS for something as little as this.

Theres a shortage of midwives and it might not be possible to switch. Is this community?

I think stick with it and just ask for a second opinion if you’re unsure of anything.

The fact you seem to have continuity of care is interesting.

That wouldn't be reason enough for me to go to the trouble of requesting go change.

I mean this kindly but she's not there to be your friend!

Yes ask to change. This is your pregnancy. Don't stay with a midwife you have no trust in. I don't see trainees after an awful experience where they missed a serious illness. Fully trained staff only for me and my child now. They can learn on someone else.

She’s there to provide pre-natal care not be your best friend 🙄

Sometimes you bleed a bit when having bloods taken, it’s not the end of the world.

You said she's new. Do you mean newly qualified?
If so she's probably a bit anxious it's a big responsibility working in the community as you are out there on your own.
As for the bloods that's no big deal that could happen to anyone experienced or not.
Yes you can ask to change, but you might not get the chatty experienced midwife you want.

The midwife in question is not a trainee or students as we call them.

How do you and your precious child think the 'fully trained' staff learn? Absolutely ridiculous.

Honest answer - you can refuse to see your allocated midwife, I did. But I had a really good reason and was very upset by the way she'd dealt with something major in my pregnancy. But I dealt with it low key with my GP and all was fine.

For the reasons you're stating - no, I wouldn't ask to change. There is likely only one attached to your GP so you'd be putting out a lot of resources to do so... Unless there's a drop in clinic or something you could go to instead, then I'd leave it.

Midwives are incredibly stretched and don’t have time to find out about your life story in your 10 min antenatal appointments.

Depending where you have your appointments you might see someone else next time whether you want to or not. If she's attached to your GP surgery there may be nobody else. If you seriously feel no confidence in her you can ask to see someone else but if everything is progressing well I wouldn't bother - like everyone in the NHS midwives probably have a bigger caseload and less time per appointment than 10 years ago

Do you have the option of going private? I had an IM (homebirth) and she was exceptional. I had planned a homebirth with NHS but they suspended during Covid and were offering no f2f antenatal appointments at all.

I’m classed as med-high risk hence the continuity. She’s allocated through the hospital. GPs don’t deal with midwifery where I am.

Our appointments are about 30 mins long everytime. Not sure if that makes a difference.

I think getting a second option might be useful if I’m worried.

Chatty doesn't equal good at job.
She may be quieter but focusing on the reason you are there.
You sound unreasonable.
Not everyone has chatty personalities, her finding out the minor details of your life has no impact on the care she delivers.

I changed in my last one she was awful in my opinion and just awaiting retirement! The one I’d had before (who’d been there years for all my previous babies had left to retire)
this one was horrid , no compassion, She would not listen and was very opinionated and she did not like to be challenged on anything that she thought
it was awkward and awkward requesting a change as I had to ring the main office and they ask reason
however I said I felt awkward and uncomfortable with her so I kept saying that
I got a new midwife and I’m so glad I did
she was amazing and the most caring lovely lady felt she really listened and took what I said on board never judging.

If you're worried - that she's not doing something correctly, that she's not taking something important into account, that she's doing something to put you at risk - those are good reasons to change.

The reason most of us have said YABU is that your reasons in the post were more just that you haven't gelled... or that you feel her experience level isn't high.

If you're actually worried with a genuine reason, that's very different and you wouldn't be unreasonable to request a change.

This.

You might well find you see a different one every time- in a lot of places you don’t get a set one, you get whoever is on. Same in the hospital- I had 2 or 3 different ones over the course of the labour.