Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To see if he can move schools

12 replies

Carrie76 · 08/01/2024 23:00

I’m in Ireland but I feel the principles are the same wherever you live.
DS (13) started a new school in Sept, all his friends went to a different one (school B). We picked School A as it has better facilities and we thought all round it was the better fit for him.
He seemed fine until Oct midterm but since then we’ve had many mornings of tears. He says he doesn’t like it and just wants to go to school B. when we had to make the decision on schools he wasn’t as friendly with the bunch of boys that all ended up in school B but now he is.

DH says he needs to ride it out and it’s just a settling in thing. AIBU to ring school B and see would they take him? I think it’s unlikely as there are waiting lists for both schools. His little brother is due to follow him to school A in Sept and I’d say it’s unlikely both would get a space in school B. My hearts broken for him, he’s a really good kid. Just left him there and said I hate seeing him so upset and he’s telling me not worry. What do I do?

OP posts:

Testina · 08/01/2024 23:59

I don’t see why you wouldn’t call School B (or local authority admissions team - I don’t know how it works in Ireland) and ask. If you’re right that there are no spaces then it’s sad for your son - but it removes the what if.

Is it too late for you to change choice for his brother?

Marblessolveeverything · 09/01/2024 00:20

If he isn't happy I would try to at least get on on the list. It may not lead to a place but it will at least show him you listened to his problem and tried to fix it

You could try and access school B with younger and use the siblings rule to bump him up the list. Principals will have waiting list criteria so that may help.

Hipnotised · 09/01/2024 00:55

When you say 'we picked' - was that you and DH?

Original poster

Carrie76 · 09/01/2024 11:33

He was a bit better this morning think I’ll give it until Monday and then call school B.

We picked as in DH and I, he wasn’t really bothered either way. At the time he wasn’t as friendly with the other group of boys but they went on a school trip away for 3 days (in May) and he got really friendly with them. The school choice had to be made in Nov 22.

OP posts:

BambooFridge · 09/01/2024 11:40

Like @Testina says, I would phone the other school and see if there is a place because if there isn't and they have a waiting list then it takes the decision away. There is no point agonising over moving him if there is no chance of a move.

I would take the little brother out of the equation. Having two dc at two secondary schools isn't ideal but it's OK.

What about the other practicalities like travel?

Original poster

Carrie76 · 09/01/2024 11:57

Schools are in different directions, School A we drop him to tram which is 7 mins drive away. School B he could walk to the train. Travel time for each is pretty much the same. A lot more kids from school B would live in our area.

OP posts:

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 09/01/2024 12:02

I am going to go against the grain and say no, don’t move him. For a few reasons:

you picked the school that was best for his educations. That is still important
his friends and everyone else at the other school have had a whole term of new friendships - he will be on the outside of this no matter what ( and you state how quickly his friendships changed in your OP)
Sometimes the grass isn’t greener, what if something else isn’t too his liking there and wants to move again?
Children aren’t in charge of life and I don’t believe we should change important life things on the basis of their whim at the time ( see point above)
it’s early days, it’s been one term. It’s a big transition. Time will help.

Moier · 09/01/2024 12:06

Here you get in touch with the education department and put in a request stating your concerns and why he wants to change etc.
I did it with both mine when they were being bullied and very unhappy..so that was a good reason to change.
My opinion is never make a child go to a school where they are very unhappy that it effects their mental health.

thedementedelf · 09/01/2024 12:07

Change his school.

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 09/01/2024 12:08

Is he using the better facilities of the new school and benefitting from them?

Tootops · 09/01/2024 12:22

I would be reluctant to move him
unless there is something specific about the school he is in that is making him unhappy. eg bullying that the school is not dealing with, an unreasonable commute.

if he has only been friendly with these boys since May the by next May they may not be friends at all. Plus if he transfers in now he may not even be in the same class or get his choice of subjects.

For what it’s worth my DD started secondary in Sept too and was not happy as friends going elsewhere. Every week she tells me how much better the other schools are even though she is actually in the better school!!

They have a lot to cope with, longer days, more homework, timetables etc so it maybe that your son is a bit overwhelmed and thinking if only he was at this other school everything would be better.

DCs year head told us it takes until Easter for them to feel settled. It may be worth mentioning to the year head too that he has not settled too well and they can keep an eye that there is nothing else going on.

Good Luck!! It’s hard especially when there are tears in the morning.

nimski · 09/01/2024 12:28

As the parent of a child who struggles to go to school due to ASD and high anxiety I would say move him if you can. We had to fight to change school for her and its been transformative, she's a different child and mental health is so important.

Flip