Wedding plan

[Ponder23671]

We want to get married soon ish due to partners families health issues. We don’t have a lot of money. Like none.
so we want to have a small registry office wedding. Tell parents and family members it’s a meal but actually they come to the wedding.
afterwards we go to a pub/bar/somewhere to celebrate send a text/Facebook post whatever to wider family and friends saying surprise we got married come on down and have a drink with us.

would this make us unreasonable because we are cutting friends out from the wedding and just dropping it on them to come and help celebrate?

or are we find to go ahead, I’m over thinking things no one will actually care?

I’m so torn. Opinions for any side would be helpful.

I think just be totally upfront to all family and friends, tell them in advance that for many reasons, you're getting married very privately on xx date and you will be in xx bar from xx time and while you are not hosting a get together, you'd love if they could pop in.

It's unreasonable to land it on them with no notice and expect them to be free yes. Just give them notice that you'll be at the pub on such a day for a drink....

People have jobs they need to book time off from, children they need to arrange care for, outfits they’d like to buy, plans they may need to rearrange.

id be a bit annoyed if I was sat at my desk at work and received the message because I’d be thinking along the lines of “I haven’t washed my hair in days and I won’t have time to look presentable” or “well who’s going to pick the kids up and take them to swimming club”

Just tell people in advance

Much more sensible approach if you want people to join you.

It's fine to do something private and then celebrate but you should give people notice. I wouldn't like to have that sprung on me randomly. People are busy and have plans.

I read on here either yesterday or today about people turning up to an engagement party to find out it was actually the wedding!

You could do something like that

I would either get married with a handful of guests (that know what's happening) and announce it to everyone else afterwards and have a party to celebrate, or be upfront when you invite people to your wedding. It's fine to make it low key but I think people would rather know they're going to a wedding not just a meal