Feeling left out

[CAA121]

Hi everyone
I feel pretty silly writing this in my 30s but I’m having flash backs to my childhood 😅
I’m in a close friend group of 3 of us since school. We mostly do things together as a 3 unless one of us is ill or can’t make it but usually all invited.

In 2020 lock down we started doing zoom workouts together and have been ever since. But end of November/December 2023 sort of fizzled out as the other two were busy or not well (I’m pregnant so I usually do the lighter version of the workout and modify it). We met up yesterday and the other two let slip they had been working out just the two of them and were half way through a new exercise workshop, so I asked them why I hadn’t been invited to join and they just said they didn’t mean to forget about inviting me it just sort of happened without me and slipped their minds. They also had a new year party and didn’t invite me, saying it was so last minute they didn’t think I’d want to come.

I recently moved closer to one of them where we work 2mins away from each other so have on odd occasion met up after work in the week and the other friend who lives over an hour away used this as a “you know now how it feels” but this friend who works 2 mins away has just gone through a divorce and my husband is military so we’re home alone in the week unlike her so she never wanted to come to them as wanted to spend time with her husband, but they only happen once every 2 months if that and we always meet as a 3 for a weekday dinner driving half way once a month. I did say sorry I didn’t realise she felt like that so said we would definitely invite her in the future but she replied with “I’d always say no as I spend my weekday evenings with my husband and we meet up the 3 of us every month anyway” which is what she’s always said anyway. So that left me a bit confused.

Zoom workouts have always been an us 3 thing so now I suddenly feel purposefully left out, am I being unreasonable thinking they did this on purpose or am I over thinking it?

thanks for any advice

This is so childish. You meet more regularly with one as you’re both closer to each other distance wise. The other wants to be asked but doesn’t want to come, therefore she’s uninvited you to zoom exercise class.

shes reverting to type (the way she was at school).

i would use the “let them” strategy. Let them get on with it - find a nice class and live your own life

I would suspect that Mrs “you know now how it feels” is the one behind this.

Was the NYE party at her house?

I think your hormones as playing a big role here. Could it be something as simple as they just wanted a more intense workout, one that perhaps didn't have a lighter option or perhaps you may need to take short breaks between exercises and it was a time thing?

I think what alot of people don't realise is as you mature so does your relationships (or in order to be healthy they should) meaning that it should be totally acceptable for the 2 of them or you and another 1 to have independent interactions without the 3rd friends permission or knowledge. Say you met up with a different friend...separate to this group, would you feel the need to run it past them or invite them? The answer should be No as you are all grown woman with your own schedules and lives.

I fully understand that you may be feeling left out and insecure right now and I'll admit the NYE party without an invite was a bit rude but this maybe just identify that you have developed different needs in your friendship, perhaps joining a few maternity groups for expectant mothers....woman who are in the same boat could be beneficial. Friendships don't mean you all have to be joined at the hip and know the ins and outs of all interactions. If you enjoy their company and they are there for you when you need them and its respectful and caring then you have a great friendship. I would try not to get caught up in the teenage bs tit for tat nonsense and just move on from it.

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh because I fully understand why you would feel the way you do but I think pointing out that none of you should have to run your plans by each other is my point xxx

Thanks for your reply @MumofAnarchy88 and taking the time to offer advice. You’re perhaps right, my pregnancy hormones are not helping.

I was expecting them to say it was because I’m pregnant but I’ve always played sport / worked out and they’re doing routines they would normally do, I just modify them myself so doesn’t impact them in any way.

I understand we’re not all joined at the hip and I have my own hobbies and different friendship circles as do they. I guess it’s just upset me as something we have all done together as the 3 of us since lock down, they’ve suddenly ostracised me from.

I guess I just have to take the hint and leave them to it

@CharmedCult apparently the husband and his friend organised the party, so one got the invite and I didn’t 🤷‍♀️