To think autistic children/teenagers are denied agency

[Aspiemum1]

I’m writing this as a suspected ASD person myself and a parent of an autistic child. I notice a lot of the time on various forums that when autistic children are spoken about (in a way that isn’t applied to NT children or children with other kinds of ND) they’re often denied agency. I’m mainly talking about teenagers who are of an age where NT children would be given far more agency. For example, if a 17 year old NT person dropped out of college/sixth form posters generally seem to say that it’s their choice and should be respected whereas in a similar situation when an ASD 17 year old makes that call posters tend to automatically attribute that to their ASD and advise the parents on ways to get the child back into college. Whilst for both of those kids dropping out of education is a bad move, it seems that there’s an assumption ASD people shouldn’t be given the same level of control over their own lives as NT people that underpins it. That is just one example but it seems that when an autistic child does something, it’s automatically attributed to them having autism rather than their own personalities, desires, hopes and fears. So often the idea of ‘support’ seems to be something that must be imposed upon an autistic teen (up to the ages of 16/17) if they’re not agreeable to it, rather than working with the child on a solution that works for them/they’re happy with. Obviously, there is a lot of nuance to this however AIBU to think, as a rule, ASD children and teenagers should be given the same amount of agency and freedom as NT children and teenagers where that is safe and practical.

Depends completely on the level of maturity of the child regardless of their ND or NT status.

A child who is ND is much more likely to be immature and need greater emotional guidance and support though.

Which really is part of the point.

It isn't necessarily about their diagnosis but their maturity. If you ignore this, you miss a huge point about the difficulties of being ND in the first place.

To me, it's something of a circular argument. You can't just say that all kids are equal in maturity and ability to cope regardless though.

if a 17 year old NT person dropped out of college/sixth form posters generally seem to say that it’s their choice and should be respected

I wouldn’t be respecting my 17 year old dropping out of college, I’d be working out how to get them back in. They’d need to have a hell of an alternative lined up for me to support it

I don't agree, I think most people would try and get any 17 yo back into college unless they had a fabulous alternative lined up? I think it's hard to draw a line between something being "because of autism" and "because of personality" because autism is part of someone's personality .

I think we can be denied agency, yes, but I'm not sure about your example.
I think it's more likely that an autistic child had been failed by school so suggesting solutions to give the child the choice of a school that suits them is a different kind of agency.

Aba therapy is maybe the biggest example of autistic children being denied agency, or the many autistic children on locked wards.

It's too complicated to answer. I have an 18 year old DS with ASD and LD.
He does have choices and he's never been forced or persuaded to go to college etc. He wants to, so that's easy. Would I let him drop out and sit at home all day doing nothing? No. If hes mature enough to make such a big life decision, then hes mature enough to have a plan or achievable wish in place. But that would be the same for my NT children. I would support all of them in the same way.
He'd like to learn to drive a motorbike. We know that with the difficulties he has, this would be too dangerous for him. So, he's not allowed and won't be. He has less agency in this than a NT person would have. Sometimes decisions have to be made to keep him safe and happy, even if he doesn't always appreciate it. Same goes for over eating to the extreme. He has less freedom than the NT teens to spend lots of money on food and sweets. Because he doesn't know when to stop and its resulted in him gaining lots of weight very quickly, so now his money is more monitored.
Parents making these decisions don't want to do this. Life would be a lot easier saying they are young adults now, let them make their own mistakes. But when you know its not safe or would be seriously detrimental to them and also you as a parent, you have to actively parent them for a lot longer.

I think you’re talking nonsense. Most parents give their children as much “agency” as is possible because they’re not controlling arseholes. If that child has additional needs whatever they are that’s likely to impact how that is actioned. I don’t think autistic teens are victimised in the way you suggest.

My Dd had severe ASd burnout so had to drop out. She wants to go back though.