Has anyone else never been loved?

Original poster

Blomdd · 07/01/2024 22:52

Bump

OP posts:

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 07/01/2024 23:03

I'm 61 and every major relationship I have had has cheated on me or become a DV. Three in total. Cheat, cheat and abandon, DV. So no I have never been properly loved.

However I do believe love can happen when you least expect it OP. So fill your life being you and it will come along 💜

User5512 · 07/01/2024 23:04

I’m 42. Married for over 16yrs. I never felt loved. No judgement please.

Happilyobtuse · 07/01/2024 23:05

You mention three relationships but say you have never been loved or been in love. I understand how you feel like that at the end of the relationships but what about at the beginning?! What made you get into a relationship with these people you dated? I am sure we all feel like this at some point in our lives, I have loved and lost and found love again.
I am sure you will too.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 07/01/2024 23:33

I went through the motions as a 20something, got married etc but "grown up" me looks back and know it should never have happened. After divorcing him, I met my DH and finally feel I've met "the one".

TheTecknician · 08/01/2024 08:16

I'm nearly 53. Always been single. No love in my life but, on the plus side, no lousy relationships either.

TheTecknician · 08/01/2024 17:48

I seem to have killed this thread. I hate it when that happens. Sorry.

Cantalever · 08/01/2024 17:54

I had had very few relationships at all right into my thirties, nothing spectacular or in love, then met my now DH when I was 35. Its when you are not actively looking that it appears.

Michiru · 08/01/2024 18:21

I'm nearly 40.

I have been in relationships, but never been loved. I was always a prize, a posession. I have been through every type of abuse there is, often multiple times. No, men who do that don't love you.

I now firmly believe I am thoroughly unloveable. I have just been rejected by a wonderful man, too, which doesn't exactly help.

NameChangeForMeYetAgain · 08/01/2024 18:27

I'm 50. Only one relationship which was very abusive and ended when I moved in to a refuge. Abandoned by my birth mother when I was still a baby and no idea who my father is. Spent my entire childhood in a succession of foster homes and residential units with staff paid to look after me.

I do have 2 DC however they both are on the spectrum so not really big on the love thing! I am still trying to come to terms with the way my life has turned out, it is definitely tough going

Limeandsodaontherocks · 08/01/2024 18:32

NameChangeForMeYetAgain · 08/01/2024 18:27

I'm 50. Only one relationship which was very abusive and ended when I moved in to a refuge. Abandoned by my birth mother when I was still a baby and no idea who my father is. Spent my entire childhood in a succession of foster homes and residential units with staff paid to look after me.

I do have 2 DC however they both are on the spectrum so not really big on the love thing! I am still trying to come to terms with the way my life has turned out, it is definitely tough going

I’m sorry. That is tough. You sound very resilient and courageous and you deserve to know you are loved. I hope you find that love soon and recognise it when it comes - in whatever form it takes.

NameChangeForMeYetAgain · 08/01/2024 18:34

Thanks @Limeandsodaontherocks, there are so many sad stories on this thread I am sending warm thoughts out to everyone who needs them

Limeandsodaontherocks · 08/01/2024 18:34

Michiru · 08/01/2024 18:21

I'm nearly 40.

I have been in relationships, but never been loved. I was always a prize, a posession. I have been through every type of abuse there is, often multiple times. No, men who do that don't love you.

I now firmly believe I am thoroughly unloveable. I have just been rejected by a wonderful man, too, which doesn't exactly help.

You are not unlovable. You are still young. I hope you learn to love yourself and find love in return.

Limeandsodaontherocks · 08/01/2024 18:37

Blomdd · 07/01/2024 22:30

This is something that's been swirling around in my head for a while since I've started dating again. I was in a horribly abusive relationship for years. Before this I had 3 relationships that lasted between a year and two years. I've never been in love, and nobody has ever been in love with me. I have reached a point where I feel like I'm just not the sort of person someone falls in love with. It's getting me down and I feel really unworthy. Has anyone ever felt like this into their 30s and met someone who has treasured them?

I’ve definitely felt like this in my 20’s and 30’s. I am in a different place now. I do feel loved and accepted for who I am ( warts and all) . I hope that happens for everyone on this thread.

Comedycook · 08/01/2024 18:41

Op .. putting your abusive relationship to the side for a moment...the other relationships you mentioned...are you sure they didn't love you. Ok they may not have worked out but I really doubt anyone would spend two years with someone and not have some sort of love for them? Perhaps you are a bit too idealistic?

5128gap · 08/01/2024 18:51

I have been and am, but for what it's worth, it hasn't always been that great or made me happy. Someone loving you is after all about their feelings for you, and based on how well you meet their needs, not based on how well they meet yours or on your value as a person. Personally I think life is more enriched by having people in it who you value and love, rather than hoping to find the one who will love you, as its not always all its cracked up to be. And in that vein, it's entirely possible those rubbish men did love you.

meditated · 08/01/2024 18:59

I'd hope most people were loved by the people who gave birth to them/ brought them up.
Be kind to yourself, Op. I'm sure you're loving and loveable.

Limeandsodaontherocks · 08/01/2024 19:02

5128gap · 08/01/2024 18:51

I have been and am, but for what it's worth, it hasn't always been that great or made me happy. Someone loving you is after all about their feelings for you, and based on how well you meet their needs, not based on how well they meet yours or on your value as a person. Personally I think life is more enriched by having people in it who you value and love, rather than hoping to find the one who will love you, as its not always all its cracked up to be. And in that vein, it's entirely possible those rubbish men did love you.

Personally I think life is more enriched by having people in it who you value and love, rather than hoping to find the one who will love you, as its not always all its cracked up to be.

This is so true.

SoOutingWhoCares · 08/01/2024 19:10

I'm almost 40 and romantically I've never been loved back either.

Friends and family and work colleagues love and/or genuinely like me but there's things I've never told them as it's too embarassing and it feels like there's a whole life experience I've missed out on. Not just marriage and kids but;

I've never been told "I love you" by a man.
Never had flowers, a gift, a card or even a romantic dinner bought for me from an ex.
I've just not had much male attention. No guy's ever loved me enough to want to pursue me that much.

Embarassingly, I've done all of the above for men I liked (apart from the flowers). Ex boyfriends were quite happy to take.

Friends and family talk about their dating escapades before they married or while they were dating etc and they all seem to have had these romantic or cool experiences that I just haven't.

I don't think I'm that different to them. Just not what men seem to want.

Michiru · 08/01/2024 19:35

When your own parents don't love you, the people who are meant to love you unconditionally, it is hard to think anyone else can.

And when you have experienced enough abuse and rejection, you, too, will think that way. I honestly envy those of you who are lucky enough to know different.

TheTecknician · 08/01/2024 19:39

TheTecknician · 08/01/2024 17:48

I seem to have killed this thread. I hate it when that happens. Sorry.

Perhaps not!

PurpleBugz · 08/01/2024 19:49

Snap. Never been loved romantically just taken advantage of or abused. Never had loving parents. I have an awesome sister who loves me and my kids love me. Now I have my kids I'm happy without romantic love

Stybur · 02/06/2024 17:47

38 years old. I was in a 16 year relationship when she left because I got sick. Turns out she was cheating anyway. Said she lever loved me from the beginning. I never knew it was that bad. We’ve never spoken again and I’ve never been out with anyone else either.

if she can leave after that long, just because something that I couldn’t help happened, then it was never love. And I’ll never put myself through that again.

MojoMoon · 02/06/2024 17:59

SoOutingWhoCares · 08/01/2024 19:10

I'm almost 40 and romantically I've never been loved back either.

Friends and family and work colleagues love and/or genuinely like me but there's things I've never told them as it's too embarassing and it feels like there's a whole life experience I've missed out on. Not just marriage and kids but;

I've never been told "I love you" by a man.
Never had flowers, a gift, a card or even a romantic dinner bought for me from an ex.
I've just not had much male attention. No guy's ever loved me enough to want to pursue me that much.

Embarassingly, I've done all of the above for men I liked (apart from the flowers). Ex boyfriends were quite happy to take.

Friends and family talk about their dating escapades before they married or while they were dating etc and they all seem to have had these romantic or cool experiences that I just haven't.

I don't think I'm that different to them. Just not what men seem to want.

Edited

Are you me?

I am lucky to have friends (including male friends) and family who I know love and care about me but no man has ever really been that bothered about me romantically.

No great drama or stories - just men not being very interested in me. It doesn't make for a great novel or screenplay! Good thing I am not a musician or a writer who wants to draw on my own experiences.

Startingagainandagain · 02/06/2024 18:12

Never known genuine love: by that I mean someone who loves me for who I am.

I had toxic parents whose 'love' was just control and manipulation and who never saw me as a human being, just some kind of object. No other close family or siblings.

Same with men. Those who shown interest in me only did it for sex/the hope of getting sex. No emotional support or connection.

I am happier single and the closer I get to feeling loved is from my pets and a couple of decent friends.

And of course I have learned to accept and even love myself as I am.