I can’t sort my life out and I feel so overwhelmed

[custardtart05]

There’s so many aspects of my life I want to change and sort out; and I feel so overwhelmed. For what it’s worth, I’m on the waiting list to be tested for ADHD. I’ll give some examples of things:

• I’ve had therapy for years, anxiety meds and never felt better. I have a whole host of things I want to be tested for, I have a tendency to self diagnose and also have 274827 self help books I want to read
• I always feel tired and lethargic, also wake up in the night, I think I might have high cortisol. I want to start taking supplements
• i want to improve my diet, and start home cooking more, improving my skills
• i have awful, dehydrated skin and acne. I’ve tried so many things but nothing works. I want to try collagen to increase elasticity
• I have horrible oily hair, which has stopped growing. I also have very sparse eyebrows which always make me look terrible and ungroomed
• I want to start exercising and find a new hobby such as pilates
• i want to read lots of new books
• I want to volunteer somewhere to broaden my horizons
• I want to delete social media
• I want to develop my small business

honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I feel like there’s not one part of my life I’m currently happy with :(. It’s as if i want to change every single aspect of my life and I feel too overwhelmed to do this.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for but does anyone have any?

Well gosh that is a lot. So you need to make a plan.

I would tackle deleting SM first as that doesn’t take long and you will feel productive having crossed it off your list.

What would you want to tackle after that?

Honestly I don’t really know. I feel so unsatisfied with every part of my life. My appearance is awful and I’m trying to work out why, my mental health is poor and I’m trying to work out why, I’m tired all the time and I don’t have any hobbies. They’re all priorities for me :(

That does sound super overwhelming!!

Personally, I'd start with the simplest things (in my mind anyway).

• start with the healthy meals and home cooking. This in turn is likely to improve skin / face / hair if you eat good nutritious food. Once you've got this nailed and it's become a habit you go onto the next thing.

• next for me would be exercise. You're likely to feel more energy / better from a good change in diet, logically to me that can then be channeled into your exercise routine. Pilates can be fab - I'd start small, watch YouTube Pilates / yoga at home videos. Zero pressure of an expensive subscription, no classes to try and find time to attend etc. Just spend 10 minutes here and there doing a quick video! Again that will help become a habit and not feel like an obligation.

• this might all have a positive impact on your skin, if not then you can start adding in supplements you're not getting from your new diet.

• after you've focused on your food / exercise (which for me are always 90% of the reason I feel the way I do at any point in time!) then go onto your other tasks. Join a library, borrow and read books you like. Then you're not taking on the ££ burden of buying lots of books! Delete SM (or set time limits) so you can focus on the reading.

• small business - once you're feeling better in yourself then you'll have time to pour yourself into this, this (imo) needs to come last, you need to get yourself feeling 100% before you start putting your energy into other things.

If you break it all down and tackle one thing at a time (they sound fairly linked to me too!) then I think it'll be really helpful. I'm the same, my lists get so long and I end up in total executive dysfunction, decision paralysis central! It takes a step back and tackling little things first to get through it. You can do it!

And maybe get GP to check blood work so you can reassure yourself that your tiredness isn’t due to anything serious? Ask if they can provide any additional advice or support?

Well you have your list done up so Start checking things off. Start with the easiest. Delete social media now, buy a good moisturizer that is good for acne, and book an appointment with a beautician to get your eyebrows done. Work on from there

it’s brave to admit all this and write it down. I suspect things are not as bad as in your head but I feel you. Break it down and tackle one at a time. And keep going. You’ll get there.

I know this sounds dramatic but when I went low carb it sorted out my anxiety, cleared up my skin and I lost weight. I know it sounds like a major change but it was honestly the best thing I've ever done.

In terms of supplements vitamin d is important as in the winter we're all likely deficient.

How old are you? X

Hi I know how you feel, I have had a really stressful year last year on top of audhd and things can get so overwhelming and stressful which then feels like a never ending cycle! I think you should focus on one thing at a time until you start to feel happy about that. For example this year I'm focussing on my own wellbeing starting with a good skincare routine, then I'd like to get healthy which means cooking from scratch and going to the gym again. Last year I just couldn't face doing any of it which I feel shows so that is my main priority. Also see the GP for bloods to see if there's anything amiss there with hormones/ vitamins etc and then it's all easier said than done of course so don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day, just pick it up later or the next day. (Sorry about the rambling post!)

Firstly I'm so sorry you feel this way.

• ADHD sounds like a good fit from what you described. Collecting books in the hope to read them but possibly never having the energy to read them or can't get the right hypofocus to read them all at once.

• therapy is great but it sometimes doesn't work if your ADHD or on the spectrum. Not saying it won't but commonly it can be difficult. Walking therapy works better. Where you walk and talk to a therapist? It keeps the mind busy so you can show your true colours and be open without over thinking. Do you find you mask or your more worried about pleasing your therapist that your possibly not as forward as you could be? Does your therapist know about how you feel about your appearance? A good sign, it is useful or not, would be to ask yourself if you could tell your therapist everything you put on this post, if no, maybe it's not for you?

• odd sleeping patterns are common with ADHD. Try and create a routine to help you get to sleep and routine to help you if you wake up in the night.

• people with ADHD tend to be really hard on them selves and feel desperate to fit in or be liked, are scared that you annoy everyone. This is really common and you could try to be positive about yourself, which is harder then it sounds. Say one positive thing about yourself each day before you go to sleep. Remember if you managed to clean a corner of the kitchen that is something. Its a start! So what if you can't do nothing else that day as your overwhelmed or got distracted, it's okay. You done something. Pick up a book or organise your books, it's a start. Okay if you can't read them yet, one small step at a time and keep thinking of those positive steps you have taken.

• Just delete SM but try and put a fun substitution in its place otherwise you will run write back. Play a phone game or text a friend instead.

I'm not a trained professional in ADHD. I just know a lot as my children have ADHD, it just advice. I'm in no way expecting you take all the following as a golden rule. Everyone with ADHD are different as it is a spectrum, nor am I trying to diagnose. Your doing right by seeking advice but there is no harm in assuming you have it and trying to put a few things in place to help you regulate.

I hope you feel better soon!

Just do 1 thing - and of all those, SLEEP will make the biggest difference to everything else.

I'm being a bit sneaky as I know I always sleep better if I've got out for a walk / exercise so technically that ends up being 2 things but I really would prioritise sorting sleep as your main priority.

Once you are better rested, you should be able to start looking at everything else.

Cut out caffeine after about 11am; ideally completely. Screens off at least an hour before bed. Bed EARLY to listen to podcast / audiobook / read / but something quiet in bed.

From what you’ve written about sparse eyebrows, dry skin, anxiety and fatigue I would suggest getting your thyroid tested.

Lots of good advice on here.

I'd say make an appt at the gp to discuss your mental health & also get treatment for your skin. I found my mental health improved a lot when my skin did - I ended up on roaccutane as mtly skin didn't respond to the gp prescriptions.

If you aren't already speak to Citizens Advice about applying for DLA.

Hi OP,

How are you doing? Just wanted to say that I could have written your post, I have almost all of the same things on my list and it is so overwhelming. I also feel so exhausted and unmotivated that even though I want to change just about everything in my life, I just don't know where to start.

xx

One thing I would say is that you don't have to achieve these things alone and in fact you'll be much more likely to achieve them if you think of it as finding your "support network".

That can be everything from finding a supportive GP, a nice friendly and convenient beautician who can shape and tint your brows, a lovely caring hairdresser who will be able to give you advice on your hair... Once you start to see these people regularly and build relationships with them, not only will your health/appearance etc improve via their skills but I just find it so comforting knowing I have all these people around me who I really trust and who all use their amazing skills to make MY life better. They don't know each other of course but I do honestly think of them as my little dream team and can't imagine life without them!

The same for books - find or found a book club, or if that feels daunting, join your local library, make the most of the clever displays they tend to put up to find books you love, and maybe even strike up conversation with the librarians to help you find books for you. Gradually they will become part of your dream team too.

Something I've observed is that the people who are best at achieving their goals are the ones who are best at seeking out people who can help them.

Small steps. I completely get where you’re coming from as I felt similar. I desperately needed to lose weight and sort out my eating habits but it all felt so overwhelming, I didn’t know where to start.

You’ve already made a start by identifying the things you want to achieve and that’s the first step.

You could start by meal planning a week of healthy eating. Concentrate on high protein, low carb, reduce sugar and caffeine but don’t be too strict - you want it to be achievable. Olive magazine and Delicious magazine online have loads of great recipes.

Next, buy a book you want to read and read it before going to sleep rather than internet or watching tv. This will help you sleep better.

Go for a short walk around the block. It doesn’t need to be a long one, just 15-20 minutes is a great start.

Trust me, once you get going, everything else will fall into place.

Obviously you will have to work through your list in stages.

I’d start by going to your GP and request a comprehensive set of blood tests - this will highlight any deficiencies.

Take a magnesium citrate supplement before going to bed which might help your sleep.

You can work on your diet in stages - cut out sugar, bread, pasta, biscuits, sweets in stages. Include more veg and fruit in your daily diet. This will have a positive effect on your skin and sleep.

Improved diet should help your hair and a good shampoo for oily hair will help. Wash your hair daily if you need to.

I’d get a brow pencil for the sparse eyebrows.

Start even a short walk daily for exercise. Forget the Pilates or new hobby until you’ve worked on the above for a few months,

Delete your social media any time you want and select one book for now and read it for even five minutes before beds/whenever you’ve the urge to reactivate your SM.

Wait until you’ve made progress in above before tackling these:
I want to volunteer somewhere to broaden my horizons
I want to develop my small business

No real advice as I'm in a similar boat to you, OP but expressing solidarity and watching the thread for ideas.
I've been trying to do one little thing at a time, but unfortunately my life set up makes it difficult.
So far this year all I've managed to improve is my water intake and getting in some early nights in the hope of feeling a bit fresher at least, can't really say it's having much impact as yet.