To ask how you stopped yourself from doing this?

[IsItStillJanuaryfs]

Have changed name in case it's outing.

I'm working in an industry where, like a lot of places, everyone knows each other and your reputation hinges on what you've done before but especially what you're doing right now and who you're working with etc.

I work really hard to make sure I'm doing everything I can to improve my skills, get work with the 'right people' etc. But what I feel is letting me down is how I talk about myself. If I'm talking about a project, then I can get this across really confidently. But talking about myself and my skills... I just seem to immediately switch to minimising myself!

I'll say things like 'I'm quite good at social media', even though I've got 6 years solid experience. Or I'll speak with a little more confidence but then automatically throw in something negative at the end, which ruins what I've just said.

I'm usually confident and I don't know why I do this! Has anyone experienced the same and how did you overcome this?

I think about what a man would do or say in my position, and then I try to do that.

I can't see how you have talked yourself down by that example. Can you provide other examples?

I have noticed I do this more as I age! Younger colleagues are much more confined in talking up what they do - and I think I used to as well, but as I get older I have become more modest in my achievements and skills and tend to downplay them.
Not sure of your age OP (I’m 44) but maybe that’s part of it?
I have to tell myself to have a 24 year olds confidence in myself!

I came to the end of a job contract recently so have been interviewing... I am terrible!
The way I hear myself talking about my work, it's as if I hate myself 😫 i pretty much say I'm useless and can't do anything lol?! Despite never ever having any complaints about my work, I always feel like I could be better. I have zero confidence and realise how negative I talk about myself. Hoping to pull it round by the time I have another interview!

OP you need to channel someone else when you're talking about yourself. Is there anyone who really rates you? What would they say?

Sounds properly cheesy and will make you cringe but I would practice writing out sentences that say how wonderful you are.

Do you talk negatively about yourself in your own head? E.g. God I look frumpy tonight.

If you do then you are used to being negative and it's a habit. Someone said to me, 'Be careful what you say to yourself because you're always listening. Stop ever thinking negatively about yourself, be kind like you were talking to or about someone you love. Would you talk negatively about a friend? No, so why do it about you?

Also, lose all fear of showing off. This is your career, it's you, you're your best PR and if you don't blow your trumpet nobody else will.

@IsItStillJanuaryfs

My personal view is write a list down of your achievements and then practice remembering them, and try to assume your in command and selling your self.

@IsItStillJanuaryfs i can also post chatgpt version of what it suggests but thats only if you want me to post it ?

IME it takes practice.

I had to train myself to accept a compliment with a 'thank you', and I've had to train myself to say 'I did XYZ' instead of 'we did XYZ'.

Genuinely, practice!

Thank you @Stompythedinosaur this is great advice, as thinking about it, I don't think I've heard a man in my industry speak negatively about themselves!

So using the example of social media, rather than saying something like 'I have six years experience of running various accounts on three platforms, and have grown this account by x amount of followers' etc, I end up saying something about how I run several accounts and I'm ok at it I guess, rather than pushing how good I am.

I'm almost dismissive of my own self and abilities.

So even though people who are really high up in my industry have specifically asked me to run their account or work for them, which is a huge compliment, I'm still talking like I'm just starting out and not very good. Like I'm afraid to say I'm good in case someone says I'm not, I just don't know.

Also 44 here! Must be an age thing @ScarletWitchM !

Have found this too, younger colleagues talk about themselves like they're experts in our industry, even when they're not! Imagine having that confidence.

It's so difficult, isn't it @jhy. Are you a perfectionist too? I bet you're brilliant at what you, good luck with your interviews! 😀

Re social media/marketing, I know % follower growth, opening rate, engagement etc I've personally been responsible for. I like using statistics as they make me feel like I'm providing external evidence that I'm good at it.

I no longer minimise my presence, influence or contribution and assert instead. E.g. replace we with I, remove the word 'just', be firm in reminders (I just did x, could you please just do y as agreed); I remove 'supporting' when taking about projects and replace it with lead/co-lead/contribute; admin becomes project management (within reason!); include budget sizes ('I lead on a £6figure project that xyz, resulting in abc).

I also think 'what would a mediocre man with a lot of confidence say or write here'... But that then makes me angry sometimes and not in the right headspace to sell myself face to face! Does wonders for a CV though.

This all came with age. It's now easier in my late 30s than it was in my mid 20s. Attended some courses/sessions aimed at women's confidence in workplace e.g. Google's I Am Remarkable (available on YouTube). Bonus of attending those courses with your nice women colleagues is that afterwards you feel able to back each other up when your male colleagues try to undermine or take credit for your work.

If that all sounds pessimistic, I've been very much shaped by experiences.

It's not always a bad thing. I was once told: under promise and over deliver - that's what makes the best impact on others. So it's fine to say 'I'm quite good at X' and then be outstanding at it. Far worse to say 'I am mega uh-may-zing at X' and turn out to be mediocre.

But don't put yourself down. Just stick to facts rather than evaluations. Facts like: I have 6 years experience of SM and have grown the platform by 70% or whatever is simply a fact and can be said in a very modest tone of voice.

@IsItStillJanuaryfs indeed, it's hard for a perfectionist to see it from the outside point of view. I end up selling myself short and then over delivering. All of my managers have been delighted once they've hired me. Determined to downplay my skills and act like I can only do 'basic typing' 😅
I used to have so much confidence when I was younger I need to get that back.
I hope you manage to overcome it also 🤞🏼

Yes, there have been various people who are really high up in my industry that have said directly to me how much they value my work and how well I do things etc, plus others have mentioned that these people sing my praises.

I think your suggestions of writing down sentences and also channelling someone are brilliant, thank you @HugoDarracott !

I definitely talk negatively about myself and I don't understand why @Hedgehoggate . In any other part of life, I'm very positive.

What you said about how you're always listening is so true, it really does have an effect. And I definitely need to learn to blow my own trumpet. I see other people saying they're great at things and it just doesn't feel right for me to do it somehow.

I really like this @Emporium0 , I'll write a list tomorrow. And that would be great, thank you!

Thank you @ChiefWiggumsBoy ! It must feel great that you can do this now confidently. I'll practice from now on. Also, I guess it takes so much less time to say thank you to a compliment than to say a load of nonsense about how I was okay at it!

There are loads of books and articles out there about this but in general, think of someone really confident and imagine what they would say.

Thank you, @Agapornis. I thought all day about how I spoke and made sure I didn't add any words like 'just' in, was way more direct and it felt good! I also listened to how a male colleague talks and it's so different! Will check out the Google video, this sounds fabulous.

And you don't sound pessimistic at all, it really does all weigh us down and make us feel like we have to do things differently.

I've read a lot on this before posting but I really wanted to see how other dealt with this issue, rather than what a writer stated. So much better to hear about personal experiences, thank you though.

Talk in facts and objectives rather than subjectives. You don't need to tell people you're good with this or that, you need to tell them what you've achieved with this or that so it's obvious you're good. Its also easier as it's factual so doesn't feel so much like self praise.

I felt much more comfortable in these scenarios quoting feedback.

Most of it is practice - you have to get used to forming the words, hearing them come out of your mouth and notimmediately trying to qualify them in some way.