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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone has been in this situation?!

53 replies

chillidoritto · 07/01/2024 15:24

DB and pregnant DSIL have been staying with us for the last few days with 10 year old niece. They were due to make the long journey south to go home today but DSIL has gone into labour 10 weeks early!

We are all due back at work and school tomorrow! Obviously one of us will have to phone in and stay off to look after my niece!

Also, I am imagining the baby when it arrives (still waiting for news!) will have a lengthy stay in hospital. Will they transfer them to a hospital nearer home as obviously DN will need to go back to school etc?

They can stay with us for as long as they need to but it will be very cramped as I have 5 children!

Obviously praying first of all that DSIL and the baby are fine as it’s very early! Poor DNiece is pretty upset and stressed.

OP posts:
Meceme · 07/01/2024 16:11

l had my baby at 30 weeks. She was small (2lb 5oz, had stopped growing at 25 weeks). She was cared for in the neonatal unit initially and I stayed firstly in a hospital room as I'd had c section, then a room attached to the unit.
When she was stabilised, we were transferred to a hospital closer to home. My husband was at home and visiting as he needed to work throughout.
My daughter finally came home close to her due date at the heady weight of 4lb but still oxygen dependant.
Shes now an adult and perfectly fine, no ongoing issues.

TokyoSushi · 07/01/2024 16:14

Oh my! That is a situation! I suppose you'll just have to ride it out for a few days, and then does your niece have any relatives near to home so that she could go back and get back to school?

How far are they from home?

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

Meceme · 07/01/2024 16:21

In my experience, they are likely to transfer mum and baby to a hospital with the appropriate expertise nearer home as soon as baby is stabilised depending on any issues and availability of beds.
They like you to be closer to home so you are in touch with your support system.
Small babies can be in hospital for some time.

MenorcaMarguerite · 07/01/2024 16:23

If it were more, I would look at using https://www.sitters.co.uk/

I have found them reliable in the past and at 10 years old, your niece is already quite old so will be fine with them.

Maybe hire them for Monday and Tuesday to be in the house with your niece to free up all the adults up to do what needs doing and think about what's next.

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Meceme · 07/01/2024 16:24

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

Father may want to support his wife. Having a very early baby can be a traumatic experience.

MissyB1 · 07/01/2024 16:24

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

Seriously?? 🙄

USaYwHatNow · 07/01/2024 16:27

OP mum and baby will need to be stabilised first. Then, depending on circumstances they may be able to transfer to a hospital more local to them, however it depends on what kind of support the baby needs as to what hospitals in the area are equipped to support.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2024 16:28

Thank goodness she didn't go into labour on the journey. What do you do for work? In my job I could've taken a 10-year-old in to sit there quietly while I worked, in this sort of situation.

Original poster
chillidoritto · 07/01/2024 18:51

Still no news from the hospital which I hope isn’t a bad thing! We are in the North West and they live 200 miles away!

I am a high school teacher so really not possible to have my niece sitting at the back!

I’d wondered about whether they would transfer the baby back down south but I imagine they will have to stabilise the baby as it’s likely to be very small at 30 weeks.

I think I’m going to have to phone in myself tomorrow and spend the day getting something sorted. DNiece is jumping every time the phone buzzes and is understandably anxious.

Given the amount of congestion on the motorways I am extremely glad things kicked off before they set off!

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 07/01/2024 19:04

I went into labour 10 weeks early when I was on holiday in Cornwall and I live in wales. He had to be stable before they could transfer him closer to home. I think it's was about 3 weeks before it could be done, but that was because they needed transport and a bed to be available at the same time.
Any news on whether she's had the baby yet?

Heartofglass12345 · 07/01/2024 19:05

Sorry just saw your last message was only 13 minutes ago Blush

Nicknacky · 07/01/2024 19:06

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

Is there any particular reason you decided to have a dig at this father?

thedementedelf · 07/01/2024 19:10

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

Because he will likely be at the hospital with his wife and preemie baby?!

JingleSnowmanTree · 07/01/2024 19:13

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

@Fifteenth probably because the OP wants to free him up to be with his wife who is in labour 10 weeks early!!

IncognitoUsername · 07/01/2024 19:15

How old are your children? Can they help look after DN?
If they are with you for a while then could you see if DN could get a temporary place at a local school? I remember when I was teaching having a girl for a couple of weeks as she was staying with relatives after a house fire. Not sure if that’s still a thing though as this was years ago.

xyz111 · 07/01/2024 19:15

I think what is likely to happen is husband will have to go home with DD, and the mum stay in hospital with the baby. Does her have family that can help local so he can keep coming back to hospital? Although 200 miles is a long way

PinkyFlamingo · 07/01/2024 19:16

Fifteenth · 07/01/2024 16:16

Not sure why the father can’t look after the kid. Doesn’t have to be you at all.

You really can't see why a husband would want to support his wife and vice versa? Odd.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/01/2024 19:18

thedementedelf · 07/01/2024 19:10

Because he will likely be at the hospital with his wife and preemie baby?!

Show quote history

The nerve of him! Doubt that posters actually much concerned about anyone as the use of 'the kid' for the dd comes across a bit off!

mummychivs · 07/01/2024 19:19

Your local primary school should, in this case, be very accommodating and allow your niece to attend there. Family trauma of all kinds occur. The school I worked in would have had no hesitation in helping out. The local Authority would help in any way they are able.

Createausername1970 · 07/01/2024 19:22

Once you have timescales, could 10 year old niece stay with a school friend's family, if it would only be for a week or so?

Doesn't help for the next few days, but might be a plan to work towards?

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 19:22

I think they will transfer the baby to a local hospital once stable. I hope everything goes OK for them.

CheshireCat1 · 07/01/2024 19:23

Your niece must be very worried about her Mum at the moment. All you can do is support your niece for the next couple of days until the situation is a bit more settled.

MsMcGonagall · 07/01/2024 19:28

10 weeks early: oof. For your niece, today and tomorrow will be forever burned in her mind. Tales are still told of my mum looking after DC1 while I was in (entirely normal timing) labour with DC2. So I think it is worth making her your priority over the next day or two.

After that I'm sure things will be a lot clearer and might involve DB travelling home with niece.

KateyCuckoo · 07/01/2024 19:29

On a practical note, remember to call the school and let them know so they don't chase mum and dad on the phone wondering where your niece is.

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