To feel embarrassed at my awkwardness

[anony24444]

Went to a party this weekend for my sons classmate. I just feel I came across as weird and just awkward. I have very low self esteem right now and feel I replay everything over and over. I handed the mother the present and just said “happy birthday (child name)”. She looked at me strangely and smiled. The child was no where to be seen. Other people just came and held onto the gifts till the mother was nearby but I entered and charged straight for the mother! I feel really awkward in any situation but more in the school mums scenarios.

OP are you me?! This is definitely something I would do!! And then replay it over and over again! I went to a party for my son the other day (it was a drop and leave party) and said to other parents as I was walking out ‘oh I’d want to do the same for sons birthday because I don’t want to have to make conversation with other parents’. Then replayed it over and over in my head. I have no idea why I said that out loud, to other parents!!

I don’t think what you did was that bad, I think you’re just thinking it is because you’re replaying it over and over. Definitely something I would have done.

@Buttercrumpet thank you! I just feel I shouldn’t have gone and just got DH to go instead. It was awkward standing with the parents and I don’t think it’s all in my head as someone once mentioned I look “on edge”, that comment has actually made me worse over last year or so as I kept thinking no one can notice my awkwardness but that bloody cow who said it to me out of “concern” has made me worse in every meet up now.

She sounds like she was slightly awkward, not you! You are overthinking it, something we can all do at times. You say you have low self esteem at the moment and that’s why you’re thinking this. Honestly don’t worry about it. The truth is other people don’t think about you the way you think about yourself so unless you do something truly bizarre you’re fine.

@35965a but people have said I look on edge and awkward (eldests friends mum) in previous times.

I just feel I never want to go to another social thing now and just stay home

Sometimes just opening up and saying " Oh l don't really know many of you here so I'm feeling a bit awkward" can make a difference. Usually someone will say "Hello are you Harry's Mum?" etc.
Others can relate and will let down their guard.
You will be surprised at how many others feel the same, even if they don't show it.

I was like you many years ago and I cringe now as I've had to taper it a lot ( plus you live and learn) and you just handle things better as you get older I think.
You didn't do anything wrong , I would have just said ' thank you so much ' Or something if I had been the parent receiving this present , but some people seem to like making others feel awkward or if they have done something wrong. Probably it was her more than you in this situation maybe and it made you feel awkward!
I'd put it down to experience and lack of self esteem doesn't help ( I suffer with this too , but I have learnt not to let it get to me these days )
I hope people are around with better advice, but you sound lovely.
My dh said im always on edge too at times especially around anyone new or at parties , but we can't help who we are !

No one else will have been thinking that about you, we are all so caught up in our own little worlds. I did a similar thing at a 4 year olds party yesterday and haven't given it a second thought. I'm sure the host was more worried about whether people liked the party.
Also, anyone that thinks like that really isn't worth knowing!

I think that's really sweet the way you handed the gift to the kid's mum and said happy birthday and mentioned his name.

@anony24444 I feel for you but as others have pointed out, the spotlight is not trained on you even though it feels like it. In reality people are far too busy thinking about themselves.

The trouble with anxiety is that it’s like having the worst frenemy, telling you you’re in some way faulty but not to worry because you can always hide away. It wants to persuade you to have selective attention to other people’s reactions, to misinterpret them and to add to the body of evidence that you can’t function like others do. What it really wants you to do is to pay inward attention to your every move in a social situation so that you can’t enjoy it and every moment of your time going over your behaviour outside a social situation. If it can get you in this vicious cycle it might even persuade you to stay at home and avoid these situations altogether, because the anxiety knows that if it can get you to avoid things that’s how it can grow.

Have you thought about getting some support to help you feel better about these kind of situations? CBT can be really helpful for Social Anxiety, you might find the CBT based book “Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness” (2nd addition) by Gillian Butler a helpful and fairly structured approach.

As for the person who told you how you supposedly look, please take it with a pinch of salt. It wasn’t a helpful thing to say and whether designed to unseat you or just insensitivity it’s more about who she is than an accurate assessment of you. If it’s any consolation I think a lot of people really struggle with the whole school gate thing and you’re unlikely to be alone in how you’re feeling. In fact I know you’re not, because I see so many clients struggling with exactly what you’re describing. 💐

Sorry, I see this is an old thread. I still stand by my post even though I know I’m going to get told off by the Zombie police!

I totally agree with pp that the other mum's reaction made this awkward, not you. She should have just graciously said thank you. As the host, the onus was on her to make you welcome and she didn't. Please don't beat yourself up about this OP- you have no idea how you really came across as the image in your head is just that - not reality. I second the suggestion of getting some cbt for social anxiety. The school parent social scene can make even usually confident people feel awkward at times.