AIBU about parent’s secret gift to school?

[Ostryga]

I have no idea if I’m being stupid about this or not. I’ve been stewing over it as well which is never a good idea!

Last day of term before Christmas as I dropped Dd off her teacher caught me and said gosh your parents are generous! Turns out they’d sent a big cheque (no idea how much) to DD’s school. They never talked to me about it, nor have they mentioned it since.

For context we have an incredibly strained relationship as it is, so don’t know if I’m within reason to be pissed off about this. It’s just so like them to encroach on mine and DD’s life like this, and pretend to be all loving and generous when really they’re both nasty as hell to me constantly and the reason I am v low contact!

If it was mentioned to you by mistake by the teacher and your parents never mentioned it, the what were they expecting to happen if you were never even aware of the donation? Possibly a guilty conscious thing, they are useless at caring so let their money do the talking.

Honestly they don’t care about what I think, it’s all about how everyone else perceives them. They won’t spend time with any of my friends (my mum once burst into tears at my daughters 2nd birthday because they turned up!) because they know the actual truth.

I’m just annoyed they’ve gone behind my back and used Dd to project this wholesome image when it’s so very far from the truth.

Obviously I don’t begrudge the school receiving money and would never kick up a fuss in that regard.

I guess there's nothing you can do to stop them doing this. If they are as horrible as they seem, then they probably will get plenty of joy out of hearing you complaining about it. They will feel smug as they will know they pushed your buttons. Or, they could have done it anonymously as they genuinely didn't want you to know in case you were upset, which you are.
Not sure if either of those reasons makes it a good idea to confront them really.

It sounds like a power play to me. The OP finding out about the donation and being annoyed is just a bonus. But it sounds like they are trying to paint themselves as doting grandparents to the school.

OP if you have any safeguarding concerns with the grandparents or don't want them to pick up your daughter from school etc, please let them know as this sort of thing can blur boundaries. It shouldn't but it might.

@nagado nailed it