To worry there's now a crack in the dam?

[Fortheloveofthedog]

I'll explain (in a really quick nutshell).

Many, many years ago, I was desperately poorly.
I went in to a psychiatric unit, voluntarily, to be treated for clinical depression/psychosis.
Whilst in hospital, I was put on to every medication going, and I had tens
of rounds of ECT.
It took a very, very long time but I, thankfully, recovered.
When I left hospital, I subconsciously put my emotions about my experience behind a titanium dam.
And up to decades later, I can talk about what happened, in quite a matter of fact or, weirdly, even humorous way.

However, I recently watched the programme about the subpostmasters and when the poor lady went into the psychiatric unit and had ECT - I just burst out crying!
Thankfully, I was on my own.

Then, a few days after this, I watched another programme, and something on there reminded me of the hospital and, again, I started crying and now my brain keeps going back there!

Why has the dam started to crack? It's not going to just break is it?

Anybody any insight or advice?

Thanks

Are you having therapy?

No. No therapy.

OP, I think you are just feeling natural sympathy for people in difficulty. You had a hard struggle and you achieved your goal of wellness. I don’t think you are in danger of slipping back.

Maybe have some counselling, with someone qualified to deal with this kind of issue?

Can you ask for this to be moved to the mental health topic.

1. It's not an AIBU question
2. It triggering for those of us with our own struggles who have hidden topics we don't want to be bombarded by.

I had a traumatic psych hospital admission as a teen and it took years before I could talk about it. Eventually got into therapy with a decent psychologist and ended up going over and over and over the experience until she was presumably utterly sick of hearing about it. I know we didn't go through exactly the same experience in many ways, but IMO these things can sometimes bubble under for years before picking their time to pop up and say "You're going to deal with me now".

I think it's good to have empathy for someone who experienced what you did. It's also not a bad thing to remember how bad you felt and how you have recovered.
I have anxiety and was aggrophobic for five years. I'll always be that person - I am never not going to be an anxious person. But I remember I got better. And on days when I feel bad I kind of acknowledge it and change a few things so I can manage it.
Go easy on yourself. X

Oh for goodness sake, don't read beyond the words "psychiatric unit" then. Do you really expect never to end up reading those words anywhere?

This experience is part of your history and I think it's normal that seeing things that take you back to such a difficult time would make you emotional.

I don't think it means a 'dam' is about to burst but it might be helpful for you to be able to chat with someone about it so that the worry about it doesn't keep growing - as it sounds like you are thinking about it in a way which is a bit like 'catastrophising'. Being able to frame it differently in your own mind and be reassured that having a wobble over it doesn't need to turn into a breakdown.

You're in a different place now, you can cope, and having someone to share with can help you navigate this.

Why should she? I used to get triggered by marks on skirting boards and the smell of dust. I didn't demand the world hid away the wainscoting.

It doesn't have to be the breaking of a dam. Sometimes these things peak out and you can start to deal with them slowly. Or close the lid down again.

When you say you were glad you were alone, is there anyone who knows about this and you would be comfortable to see you upset? Not to go into depth about it, but just a handhold.

I wouldn't worry about the dam breaking. You've done well all these years.

I'd recommend you see a good therapist - someone registered with the BACP or the BCP to help you work through your experiences.

The fact you've built a dam implies there's some stuff you're burying or refusing to deal with. I could be wrong, I'm just a stranger on the internet, but a good therapist will help you work through all this.

Apologies to the lady who wants this moved. In all honesty, I didn't know there was a MH section!

Thanks for responses.

Perhaps my response was more empathy (the whole submasters story was heartbreaking).

I'll see how things go and consider talking therapy, if needed.

I think some (more realistic?) therapists would suggest rebuilding the dam rather than ‘working it through’ or talking about it endlessly. How did you build that dam in the first place?

Perhaps my response was more empathy (the whole submasters story was heartbreaking).

I haven't watched it but I've seen an unprecedented number of people saying they were in tears or very distressed by it.

In all honesty, I have no idea.

I think the combination of medication just allowed me to look to the future.

As others have said. Maybe my responses are completely normal and just don't need to read into it.

@Fortheloveofthedog I think this is natural and not necessarily unhealthy?

Be kind to yourself. You've come through so much.

And post where the hell you want!