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AIBU?

Another twat on online dating but will I meet anyone in real life?

20 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 06:41

I was determined to bin OLD , but feeling a bit glum at new year I gave in. Matched someone, chatted, moved to WhatsApp. So far so good. Date arranged, then he forgot to tell me that he was having an op that would put him out of action for between 2 and 6 weeks, so might be better to wait until after that. No worries I say, drop me a WhatsApp when you're back on the scene and we will go for a date. Cue a mini lecture about how messages go both ways and he wants me to send him lots of messages while he's laid up. When I say , we are strangers and that's too much emotional and time investment when we haven't even had a date, he got all stroppy.
Lesson learned . Real life only from now? It feels scary though and like I won't meet anyone that way!

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 07/01/2024 06:46

He sounds like a control freak.....and you definitely dodged a bullet

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 06:47

Yes or a married guy who just wanted messaging that he could turn I to sexting

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 07/01/2024 06:48

Unfortunately......yes. so many dodgy ones on the sites now

Chickenpoxhelp · 07/01/2024 06:54

Thankfully those days are behind me as I’m married to my OLD find. I got to the stage where I suggested a drink straight away. Filtered a lot of no hopers out very quickly!

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 06:56

I wouldn't give up with online but try and stay chill about it. This one is a dud, nevermind, on to the next. It's a numbers game, dont get invested in any of them in the chatting stage. I went on dates without about 20 men before finding my husband. My friend went on over 100, 2 a week for a year.

Maybe you have time to wait and meet someone in real life. At 32 and wanting a family I didn't.

Guavafish1 · 07/01/2024 06:56

Lots of online twats

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 07:10

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 06:56

I wouldn't give up with online but try and stay chill about it. This one is a dud, nevermind, on to the next. It's a numbers game, dont get invested in any of them in the chatting stage. I went on dates without about 20 men before finding my husband. My friend went on over 100, 2 a week for a year.

Maybe you have time to wait and meet someone in real life. At 32 and wanting a family I didn't.

This is an interesting approach. Maybe I try that. Match amd suggest a quick date to cut down the chatting. I might try this!

OP posts:
Mcemmabell · 07/01/2024 07:24

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 07:10

This is an interesting approach. Maybe I try that. Match amd suggest a quick date to cut down the chatting. I might try this!

I agree with this approach. I met my husband on online dating and I saw it as an opportunity to go on dates. Not to chat to guys online. Meeting in person is much more useful than getting a picture from messaging.

I just went on one or two dates a month, had a break when I felt fed up with it, then jumped back on the horse. I also made a list of deal breakers in case I caught feelings. You know, stuff like must want kids, doesn't take drugs, is nice to people in the service industry. But I'd been in a previous abusive relationship so maybe that was just me.

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 07:43

Mcemmabell · 07/01/2024 07:24

I agree with this approach. I met my husband on online dating and I saw it as an opportunity to go on dates. Not to chat to guys online. Meeting in person is much more useful than getting a picture from messaging.

I just went on one or two dates a month, had a break when I felt fed up with it, then jumped back on the horse. I also made a list of deal breakers in case I caught feelings. You know, stuff like must want kids, doesn't take drugs, is nice to people in the service industry. But I'd been in a previous abusive relationship so maybe that was just me.

I really like this advice, I'll copy you if you don't mind. Leave it ticking away on my phone in the background and 2 a month seems do able. It feels too vulnerable to just leave it to chance, I want my dating life to tick under my normal life so I still feel viable etc so I think this will work

OP posts:
Catza · 07/01/2024 08:55

No problem with meeting decent men online. You just have to move quickly. No chatting for days. Arrange a date as soon as you feel the guy isn’t a murderer or a con artist. It took me 3 months to find my man on the app. I went on maybe 12 dates over that time.
My best strategy for dates was to go on a walk which culminated at a station. If the date didn’t go well, this would be a natural way out. If the date went well, it was easy to get a drink/coffee/lunch.

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 09:02

My sister in law is very business like in all aspects of her life. She decided to find a husband so really dedicated some time to trawling online dating sites, identifying a top 14 and arranging dates with all of them over the course of 2 weeks. She told them all she only had time for one drink as she had something else on. She met DH's brother on day 4 and cancelled the rest.

You just need to be not too emotional about it at the start. They're just random strangers until you've met and formed a connection.

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 09:12

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 09:02

My sister in law is very business like in all aspects of her life. She decided to find a husband so really dedicated some time to trawling online dating sites, identifying a top 14 and arranging dates with all of them over the course of 2 weeks. She told them all she only had time for one drink as she had something else on. She met DH's brother on day 4 and cancelled the rest.

You just need to be not too emotional about it at the start. They're just random strangers until you've met and formed a connection.

Yeah I'm not emotional about it or stressed out , I just hadn't thought of using a system really. It's a bit like going on house viewings !

OP posts:
C1N1C · 07/01/2024 09:26

So he wanted an emotional babysitter while he was 'up on blocks'. Nice.

ChrissyShenkle · 07/01/2024 11:10

Who the hell forgets they are having an operation? He is totally married

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2024 11:13

I am really laughing at the idea of a man forgetting that he was having an operation. I think most of us have experienced a man with a cold and nobody in the neighbourhood is allowed to forget they've got it.

So I think he is lying about that and just want you to send him texts and photos of your bits.

MissSmiley · 07/01/2024 11:27

I've been single 7 years since my divorce and have done a lot of online dating, although i would say it's changed a lot in the last four years. I had a three year relationship with someone I met online. I treated dates a bit like job interviews. But eventually last year I decided to give up OLD and be happy being single, which I am, I'm not lonely, I have a great life. Then I met a guy who came to service my boiler! I had met him before last year and thought he was very hot. This year I mentioned him to a friend who said he knew him, a few days later he texted me and we've been seeing each other ever since. It's been a complete surprise!

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2024 11:54

I have once chatted to a guy who gave me a daily update on his totally normal cold. Talk about the dressing gown of doom!

OP posts:
Copen · 07/01/2024 12:13

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 09:02

My sister in law is very business like in all aspects of her life. She decided to find a husband so really dedicated some time to trawling online dating sites, identifying a top 14 and arranging dates with all of them over the course of 2 weeks. She told them all she only had time for one drink as she had something else on. She met DH's brother on day 4 and cancelled the rest.

You just need to be not too emotional about it at the start. They're just random strangers until you've met and formed a connection.

She must be very attractive to have merrily picked out her top 14 and then got dates with them all. I don't recognise this at all. I'm averagely attractive and struggle to get any matches that I'm interested in, let alone then go on to have dates with with them.

Abbimae · 07/01/2024 12:52

Three message rule- if can’t arrange a date then move on. Sounds like that one just wanted a chat/sext

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 12:53

Copen · 07/01/2024 12:13

She must be very attractive to have merrily picked out her top 14 and then got dates with them all. I don't recognise this at all. I'm averagely attractive and struggle to get any matches that I'm interested in, let alone then go on to have dates with with them.

She is to be fair. And a bit of a high flyer careerwise.

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