Would this concern / bother you DS 16 friends house

[Halaena]

I’m not sure if this should be of any concern, mainly due to the age of DS (16) but he has been telling me more and more about his friends house where he often goes and more frequently has sleep overs.

Friend is also 16, with a slightly younger brother (I think 15). They have been friend’s for several years and become closer and closer. My son always seems to have a great time, apparently their house is ‘crazy’. He’s often told me about the mess everywhere, no problem- I’m not exactly a clean freak myself.

However, it sounds more like the house is unsanitary rather than a bit unclean. He’s described there’s stuff (clothes, bits of rubbish etc) all over the floors, in the bedrooms you can’t actually see the floor. The doors on the bedrooms are hanging off the hinges etc. He’s just told me there’s never any food in the house so they order from Deliveroo he thinks this is great.

He mentioned he sleeps on the floor (he likes this as sees it as an adventure), although the two brothers have a bed, there’s no bedding. He has told me that it stinks in the house as there are dogs who although they are let out to go to the toilet they prefer to do it inside on a mat (presumably a dog pad), but this is only changed weekly.

The mum is a carer and works very long hours, the Dad works nights and therefore sleeps all day.

I’m not judging at all, I’ve met both parents briefly on several occasions (from the car etc), they seem like really lovely people. Their boys seem happy. My son adores his friend, but would this concern you in anyway simply from the above things described?

"Gossiping" is a very odd and judgemental way to characterise OP's son's comments to his mum.

It doesn’t sound ideal but also I don’t think it would concern me enough to take any action, given the rest of the information you’ve given about the family. I suspect possibly it’s a case of the parents both working, tired and unable to keep on top of the house, but doing their best to ensure they are all at least fed and happy. I do appreciate ideally the house should be better though

It's true they could clean up but if the parents don't and have never taught them to do chores they can be unaware of normal standards and be a bit clueless on how to keep things up. And 16 & 15 year boys (and girls) can live amongst chaos and old unwashed plates and general trash for weeks if not monitored!
My son went away for 5 days with his school roughing it in cabins and told me not one of the boys (including himself) changed their socks the entire time.

I’m sorry, but the “busy working mum” excuse is absolute bullshit. The kids are 15 and 16, hardly little toddlers who run rings round her. I work shifts-mixed days and nights, long hours. My kids never sleep on a bare mattress. It takes ten mins to change sheets. If you don’t have time to pick up their shit, don’t have a dog. Untidy is one thing but there’s absolutely no excuse to live like this.

@Christmaslights21 I did post up thread but do agree with you actually. I struggle myself to keep on top of everything I’d like to at home but basics like bedding really must be covered. The teens are old enough to do it themselves too in this case

Yes they are definitely old enough, unfortunately they can be lazy gits if noone is around to monitor them. I will strip my son's bed (or ask him to) and then put clean bedding in his room and if I don't check he will be sleeping on the mattress two days later.
He also likes to wash his work clothes for the next day at 1am.
He is 17.

It's learned behaviour, I guess. Not having bedding has become their norm.

You know, none of this is ideal, but these boys are almost adults in their own right.

Really, if the mums working as a carer, that's back breaking work, and Dad's working nights.

First instinct is to say, yes there's neglect, BUT there's no reason these boys can't throw their own bedding on their beds,
There's no reason they can't pick up some food on the way home from school- as they have access to funds.
They could help out with the dogs, they could do some housework.

Obviously that's not great, but it does sound like the adults are struggling.
Walking the dogs, and putting their bedding on would both be chores in my house with teenage DD.

If it's as bad as described, this is neglect. I'd want to see for myself, as teenagers are prone to exaggerating /liking the shock factor. If the floor can't be seen, how does he sleep on the floor for instance?

Many teens have a floordrobe, not being able to see the floor is not necessarily neglect. My middle dd when home from uni for the weekend can turn her immaculately tidy room into looking like a tornado passed through. Of course I ask her to clean up before she leaves.

Does she also have a week-old puppy pad covered in dog shit in there?

The dog poo is disgusting and needs addressing. I think the parents must be shattered from their jobs and have no time/energy for the house or teenagers.
If you're working nights you need your sleep in the day. Caring is exhausting, especially of you're a mobile carer. I've known mobile carers and the hours they are expected to do is rudiculous