Question is, AIBU to split up the family over these issues?
Background, been together over 20 years. Its almost like ive had an epiphany. Im thinking, were both 40s and ive grown up and hes not.
both work full time, kids. Married 10 years this year. I have big resentment in that he has never really stepped up. Like i say, we both work but i tend to do all kids related stuff inside/outside the house. For example i do all running around with kids to school, clubs, mental load, bath/bedtimes. I do all the cleaning in the house too. He says he does stuff but its a joke. If i ask him to wash up (washing up in our house is at least twice a day), he makes a song and dance over it. He does cook but this is all done around drinking and so often we eat late (after 9pm) for meals that should take 45 minutes max to cook. Plus i get left with a kitchen full of washing up.
We are like strangers in the house. We share a room but dont have sex (~2years). My decision. I almost feel like its the part of me he cant have, i give myself to everyone else, why should i give him that when he doesn’t help around the house/with kids. Plus ive got the ick and struggle to have feelings in that way for someone i have to mother along with the kids. Hes always been a selfish person in hindsight. He doesnt plan ahead to days out as a family/holidays, yet always planning nights away/days out with his mates. Today hes gone out for the day to a hobby, spent the morning getting ready, then out for mid day, wont be home until later tonight. Drunk
his drinking is in my opinion, ridiculous. He drinks daily and Christmas has been probably double what he normally wouldve drank. I gave up drinking when we had kids as someone of course needs to be in control to deal with them. Im not bothered and actually was never a big drinker. He holds down a full time job but when he gets in at night, he opens a beer and i dont see him all night. Weekends he probably starts drinking around 1pm to bedtime. He won a bottle of whiskey in the pub Christmas raffle and i just groaned that he is the last person who shouldve won it.
with his drinking he can be at times argumentative, we tread on egg shells, slams doors if someone pisses him off (doesn’t take much), will shout at us/swear. Its pathetic really.
ive tried to talk to him about the drinking and how it affects us/how it will affect him etc. he tells me that because i dont drink i feel like its a lot but everyone will drink like this. That im making a problem when there isnt one. Hes fine etc. ive said clearly this is who he is, i dont want this anymore and its my choice to end it. He just doesnt get it. Ive been accused of having an affair (like ive got the time!!! Im either at work or with the kids!)
ive told him im not happy and would like to split. He cant get his head around this and almost burys his head in the sand. Why am i splitting up the family, theres no problem, im mental. All adults drink, its what they do. Im the anomaly here. In fact, when it came to nye, he had been drinking during the day and then started a charector assassination on me saying how boring i am not drinking, boring because were not going out (i was ill but happy for him to go out).
sorry this is long, ill stop now but could go on and on