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Original poster

He's introducing her kids..

18 replies

burnersgl · 06/01/2024 17:07

Ex husband has seen our son (5) now for the 3rd time since the end of October.

I am allowing 1 day every other weekend for contact as he is abusive with police involvement.

He is a total narcissist - I know it's thrown about a lot but he fits every criteria it's unreal. He has a new girlfriend - she is his new supply.

The last time he saw ds (2 weeks ago) he introduced her. They had been 'official' a total of 4 weeks at this point.

Today he's introduced her daughter.

He promised me in October - just before I called the police that he would put ds first and not introduce his new partner for at least 6 months. He was cheating on me with her.

This is all out of spite towards me.

Social services are involved - I told them he introduced his new girlfriend and they were not happy about it. They said he shouldnt be introducing new partners so quickly and they can see he is just using our son to hurt me.

They are speaking with him next week - about everything, not just this.

I know there's nothing I can do about it. It just hurts.

OP posts:
Yellofello · 06/01/2024 17:24

Poor you and DS. I hope they sort it out for you. If he’s abusive why is he seeing DS at all?

GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 17:26

Because despite what MN believe many men still are given contact with their children regardless of abuse.

Quitelikeit · 06/01/2024 17:28

I’m shocked that SW would get involved over him introducing his child to a person

Im also surprised they are involved if you are now separated

I know it hurts but see it as him introducing a friend it’s no different to your child

Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 17:29

Yellofello · 06/01/2024 17:24

Poor you and DS. I hope they sort it out for you. If he’s abusive why is he seeing DS at all?

He's not physically abusive. He's very emotionally abusive and controlling towards me. Not bothered about ds really. But as he has asked to see him, I was advised to agree but massively cut down on what he asked. He wanted an over night stay every other weekend and one night a week for tea. I have only allowed 1 day every other weekend for 6 hours to limit it as much as I can.

It's hard - my solicitor tells me I am doing the right thing. Social services say it's up to me but they want to do a welfare check on him.

I'm just following what I've been advised to do really. Ideally I want no contact - maybe after today it's best to stop it.

OP posts:
GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 17:30

Well there you go of course he will be given contact then. I’m also surprised social services commented as not really their place.

Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 17:31

Quitelikeit · 06/01/2024 17:28

I’m shocked that SW would get involved over him introducing his child to a person

Im also surprised they are involved if you are now separated

I know it hurts but see it as him introducing a friend it’s no different to your child

Read the post - they are not involved because of that. I've said it's because of everything else. They are involved because I called the police

The introducing of the new girlfriend is just the latest thing to add to a huge list of things he is done which is not in the best interests of my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 17:34

GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 17:30

Well there you go of course he will be given contact then. I’m also surprised social services commented as not really their place.

I don't know - social services haven't spoken to him yet. He has 3 kids to 3 different women now and I recently found out that his older 2 children were also involved social services because of him. One of these kids he no longer see's.

I wish I was stronger to keep him away - I just don't know what's best for my son. He doesn't even pay me any maintenance or contribute in the slightest to ds

OP posts:
ObliviousCoalmine · 06/01/2024 17:39

Quitelikeit · 06/01/2024 17:28

I’m shocked that SW would get involved over him introducing his child to a person

Im also surprised they are involved if you are now separated

I know it hurts but see it as him introducing a friend it’s no different to your child

This might be one of the most stupid responses I've read to an OP in a while.

Nonomono · 06/01/2024 18:00

He sounds absolutely pathetic but unfortunately there is literally nothing you can do about it, unless you think she is a risk.

The silver lining here, is that many men play the good dad role and actually are more involved in the kids lives because of the new gf - hopefully that will happen here.

You need to get money off of him through CMS.
He is a parent too and it’s not fair that you pay for everything with absolutely no help from the second parent.

Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 18:03

@ObliviousCoalmine thank you - reading that post didn't help.

@Quitelikeit

Post separation abuse is very real and it is happening here. Abuse doesn't stop when you leave. Sadly it gets worse when you leave - women know this and that's one of the main reasons we stay. Leaving is unbelievably scary

OP posts:
Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 18:08

Nonomono · 06/01/2024 18:00

He sounds absolutely pathetic but unfortunately there is literally nothing you can do about it, unless you think she is a risk.

The silver lining here, is that many men play the good dad role and actually are more involved in the kids lives because of the new gf - hopefully that will happen here.

You need to get money off of him through CMS.
He is a parent too and it’s not fair that you pay for everything with absolutely no help from the second parent.

Yeah I know there is nothing I can do. I can accept that part. I'm not trying to put a stop to it and I'm most certainly not bitter.

It's that this is all just to spite me. Everything he is doing right now is to try destroy me. And our little boy is in the centre of it. That's what I hate.

I'm slightly concerned about the new girlfriend. She clearly doesn't think it's too soon either. Her latest ex is one of my friends from school - he isn't the father to any of her children and they haven't been split up long. So she's got the same views as my ex.

Why people think it's ok just to rush into playing happy families I have no idea.

I've made a claim to cms but it's taking forever. I
No doubt he will be putting her kids on the claim so to pay me less. That will be his next move.

OP posts:
NWQM · 06/01/2024 18:11

What has your son said about the meeting?

Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 18:13

NWQM · 06/01/2024 18:11

What has your son said about the meeting?

Just that they went bowling and his new friend is 11 - her daughter. He doesn't know her name though.

He has selective mutism and sensory issues just to add to it all. So he wasnt able to actually speak to them.

I haven't asked him any questions as I don't want to make it seem like a big deal.

OP posts:
BagOfBollocks · 06/01/2024 18:19

Social services are involved - I told them he introduced his new girlfriend and they were not happy about it. They said he shouldnt be introducing new partners so quickly and they can see he is just using our son to hurt me.

I'm really quite surprised that they would say this, as normally they won't get involved unless the person is considered a danger to the child.

But really your DS meeting her and her daughter seems to be the least of your issues here.

Nonomono · 06/01/2024 18:22

burnersgl · 06/01/2024 18:08

Yeah I know there is nothing I can do. I can accept that part. I'm not trying to put a stop to it and I'm most certainly not bitter.

It's that this is all just to spite me. Everything he is doing right now is to try destroy me. And our little boy is in the centre of it. That's what I hate.

I'm slightly concerned about the new girlfriend. She clearly doesn't think it's too soon either. Her latest ex is one of my friends from school - he isn't the father to any of her children and they haven't been split up long. So she's got the same views as my ex.

Why people think it's ok just to rush into playing happy families I have no idea.

I've made a claim to cms but it's taking forever. I
No doubt he will be putting her kids on the claim so to pay me less. That will be his next move.

Show quote history

I don’t blame you for feeling this way and I think they both should be ashamed of themselves.

I would judge any woman (or man) who thinks it’s acceptable to introduce or meet kids after such a short amount of time.

My only advice would be to not play into his games.
If he’s doing this to make you jealous, then act like you don’t know or are happy for him.

Some men want you to get upset of angry, as that means they’ve won.
Try not to give him the satisfaction.

TeaGinandFags · 06/01/2024 18:22

Make a wax effigy of him and stab it frequently with gusto. It won't make a difference but you may feel better. Unless thd godx take pity on you.

You're doing all you can but find a place to vent. Try kickboxing or join the Territorials - access to live ammunition can be so soothing. Perhaps you can enrol DS in Scouts and volunteer making memories. Just keep in mind the best revenge is in living well.

Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 18:28

BagOfBollocks · 06/01/2024 18:19

Social services are involved - I told them he introduced his new girlfriend and they were not happy about it. They said he shouldnt be introducing new partners so quickly and they can see he is just using our son to hurt me.

I'm really quite surprised that they would say this, as normally they won't get involved unless the person is considered a danger to the child.

But really your DS meeting her and her daughter seems to be the least of your issues here.

As I've already said, they are involved because the police passed my case on. They want to do a welfare check on him for everything. There is so so much more.

OP posts:
Original poster
burnersgl · 06/01/2024 19:49

@Nonomono thank you, I never ever speak to him now. If I need to then it's just one word answer. I think he is probably itching for a reaction from me but he isn't going to get one at all. I know how he works too well.

OP posts:
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