AIBU to think this is the end of my relationship?

[MissSusanStoHelit]

I need some advice from the MN hive mind. I am so cross with my DH and feel like I've reached the point of no return in our marriage.

I feel like I don't love him anymore for a variety of reasons. He's a good guy and it would break his heart but I am so lonely, he hasn't touched me in a year as he's got ED but won't take the meds the GP has prescribed. No sex, in his view, means no need for any other intimacy so I feel desperately unloved.

I can't stand the way he refuses to parent his son but won't let me do it either so I'm stuck with a 23 year old manbaby who has no qualifications, no driving licence, no job and no income in our (my) house. He lies to me about his son - didn't tell me for a month that he's been sacked - and gets cross with me when I question why. DSS is his golden child and can do no wrong in his father's eyes and this incenses me as DSS is an Andrew Tate groupie, is super disrespectful to me and my daughter at home, but is never taught better by his dad.

My sister lost her full-term baby at the end of November and it's made me realise how short life is, and how much I don't want to be this miserable for the next however many years. I know you're not supposed to make any rash defcisions while grieving but I realised on Christmas Day that I have reached the end of my tether.

We had a talk where I told him how I was feeling - he has now quit the gaming and has booked a counsellor for us to see on Tuesday, but I wonder if it's a waster of time and money. Shall I pull the plug, or can the love come back with counselling and help? This is my second marriage and while I don't want another divorce I really do want to be happy again. If I could go back, I would not move in together and get married - I would keep our separate houses, kids separate, keep dating each other and avoid all the issues that blended families bring. If only I had a Tardis...

Does his ds live with you? If your marriage has been short, you may be able to keep your house (you said it’s yours). I suggest you see a solicitor asap for correct advice. The impact his Andrew Tate wannabe son has on your dd should not be underestimated. Sounds like you’ve had enough.

I think you've reached the end of the road, particularly when you throw his son into the mix.

So what happened with the houses? Is this home jointly owned? Are your finances shared?

Your daughter should not have to live with an Andrew Tate acolyte. Get rid of both of them (husband and step son).

I would insist his DS moves out and if that means he goes too then at least you will save on joint counselling costs.

This. Neither of you should be living with an Andrew Tate fan who has no respect for you. The fact his father isn't bothered by this is worrying too.

Can you not just leave, if you have no shared or small DC?

Shame you married him really. How long have you been together?

YANBU, I would have lost my shit ages ago. 💐

YANBU. You can do waaay better.

This. Time for both of them to go . I hope you can sort out the finances as presumably he can have half of the house ?

Get them to fuck

Just get out. I doubt anything can bring the love back.

He's a good guy

He’s not, though, is he? If he was a good guy, he wouldn’t be withholding affection and he certainly wouldn’t be making you and your daughter put up with such awful behaviour from his adult son.

If its a short marriage you're in a good position to keep most of your assets.

The thought of living with a parasite that hates women makes me feel ill. The impact on you and your daughter must be horrible.

At a very bare minimum, the entitled man-child has to go. It's your house ffs.

How is he a 'good guy'?

Because everything else you say about him, makes him sound like an absolute bell end.

You should be long gone there is nothing in this relationship that benefits you. You only get one life.

He isn’t a nice guy.

He is letting his misogynist son be disrespectful to his wife and her daughter in their own home. He isn’t doing anything about it. And doesn’t believe his adult son can do no wrong.

He knows you miss sex, but won’t do anything.

He knows you are unhappy and is continuing to force this situation on you.

Divorce him

Whilst I do think counselling can and will help when both parties still do WANT things to work but are struggling with communication or something going wrong in the relationship- like sex life maybe.

But it honestly sounds like you’ve checked out and you don’t want it fixed.
I would perhaps go for the counselling, just to see what he says in the session when it’s all laid out but if you know it’s done, then it’s done.

and you are right, life is short and so precious. Be happy now

Life feels short because it IS short. You sound lovely. Time to put yourself and your daughter first and get these disrespectful, misogynistic cuckoos out of YOUR nest. Try to get the best solicitor you can, so the divorce favours you. They sound abhorrent, life would be so much better without them dragging you down and dare I say using you. Wishing you strength, I hope you manage it! The future could be so bright for you.

Doesn't Andrew Tate state men should be providers??

So how come he ain't providing anything, as a young, healthy, presumably able bodied man - if he's so into Andrew Tate "philosophy"?

I notice a lot of these divorced and separated men are just circulating trash.

One woman was glad to get rid of them, cause they're a shit partner and parent, the next poor woman takes on their shit/carries them - for as long as she's foolish enough to do it .... And the next (if they can get a next).

He and his ex have just made their problem ... The problem they created (this dysfunctional, misogynist, mal adjusted, parasitic young man) your problem. Quite a trick.

Then there's the fact he not only has ED he won't try to do anything about, but isn't even affectionate either

(Oh and I don't know why it's "no sex" cause he has ED (that he won't do anything about) ... He's got hands and a mouth, doesn't he? Why was sex only about penetration and him getting off (?))

I wouldn’t allow my daughter to be disrespected in her own home by an Andrew Tate sheep, so for that alone I would be getting rid. It’s already gone too far, and if your husband sees that as his ‘golden child’ it’s a huge red flag. Decent men would be so horrified by that.

I would get rid just for the reason his son super disrespects your DD in her own home. I'm assuming the waste of space stepson lives with you too?

Hopefully it's been a relatively short marriage and he won't have a claim on your house.

Thanks all for your replies - to answer a few questions, the house is mine and was before marriage. Because of this we got an iron clad prenup to protect it so my daughter gets it one day. We will be fine in the event of divorce.

Re the no intimacy due to ED, that is what I’ve found the hardest to cope with as I can’t understand why he won’t kiss me or hold my hand or snuggle on the sofa - not all touch needs to lead to sex but he won’t even do that so I feel desperately unloved. I think the answer is clear. I really appreciate all your comments. Onwards and upwards!

Don’t waste any more time and energy honey.

it’s over you deserve so much more as does your lovely daughter

His father should be as appalled as you are that he’s both disrespecting you and a fan of Tate. The fact that he isn’t and that he effectively encourages him to sit about with no job or qualifications because there’s no incentive to get either of them is a real worry. I mean, you could try the counselling as you’ve said because at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot. As it’s your second marriage it’s clear you don’t want to just give up easily and I don’t think you are doing if you try counselling first. Perhaps if the counsellor advises booting out this cheeky little shit of a 23 year old then his father might actually take it seriously.