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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Marriage not good

12 replies

newyrgrrl · 06/01/2024 09:47

Dh and I have been together 7 years, married 4. We have my teen from previous relationship and one toddler together.

Life is very tough at the moment. We have no help with the toddler so we rarely get the opportunity to do anything together. Dh supports me to go out with friends, classes, gym and so on but he's quite unsociable and rarely wants to do anything himself.

We both wfh so we are together a lot. I've started going back into the office more to give us some space from each other. He has no interest in being around other people.

Life is just one long cycle of work, nursery pick up, clubs for older one, meals, bed, rinse repeat. We still love each other and have a laugh but there is no fun or leisure time and dh is often moody and snappy. Sex is maybe 1-2 times a month due to life commitments and being knackered. I just feel like somewhere along the way we have both stopped making the effort and aren't particularly nice to one another, we just live and parent together.

What can we do to turn this around before it's too late?

OP posts:
Graceyhere · 06/01/2024 09:49

Date nights might be a nice idea?

SolarT · 06/01/2024 09:50

You may want to move your post to the Relationships forum.

newyrgrrl · 06/01/2024 10:12

Graceyhere · 06/01/2024 09:49

Date nights might be a nice idea?

This is what we need but not possible with no childcare help. I can't remember the last time we went out together in the evening. We've had the occasional day out if we've both booked leave and toddler has been at nursery.

OP posts:
2023forme · 06/01/2024 10:13

Can your teen DC not mind their sibling for an afternoon/evening? You could go to the cinema and have a meal/few drinks ?

Bestyearever2024 · 06/01/2024 10:15

newyrgrrl · 06/01/2024 10:12

This is what we need but not possible with no childcare help. I can't remember the last time we went out together in the evening. We've had the occasional day out if we've both booked leave and toddler has been at nursery.

Would paying for a babysitter work?

Dacadactyl · 06/01/2024 10:18

I recommend having more sex.

In your lunchbreaks when both WFH or take a say of annual leave each and just spend the day in bed.

Or going to bed earlier and doing it.

In my opinion, sex is the glue that binds you together when the going gets tough.

Onceuponaheartache · 06/01/2024 10:50

How old is your teen? If 14 or over surely they can watch toddler if you do bedtime and then go for a meal?

Any parent friends who are maybe in the same situation and would appreciate some mutual trading of babysitting services?

Nubnut · 06/01/2024 19:18

Following!

newyrgrrl · 06/01/2024 21:59

Onceuponaheartache · 06/01/2024 10:50

How old is your teen? If 14 or over surely they can watch toddler if you do bedtime and then go for a meal?

Any parent friends who are maybe in the same situation and would appreciate some mutual trading of babysitting services?

Teen is 13 and toddler is only 2 and very full on. Maybe in a few years when they are both older but I don't feel comfortable with it yet.

Totally agree with the more sex comment alas kids, ED issues, privacy, a toddler who co sleeps, generally knackeredness and being about 2 stone overweight all seem to be going against us...

OP posts:
Onceuponaheartache · 06/01/2024 23:03

newyrgrrl · 06/01/2024 21:59

Teen is 13 and toddler is only 2 and very full on. Maybe in a few years when they are both older but I don't feel comfortable with it yet.

Totally agree with the more sex comment alas kids, ED issues, privacy, a toddler who co sleeps, generally knackeredness and being about 2 stone overweight all seem to be going against us...

In the kindest way possible, that's BS. You are making excuses. There will always be a reason not to dtd, grab the bull by the horns.

You need to get toddler into their own bed and reclaim your relationship with your dh.

Pumpkinpie1 · 13/06/2024 02:17

If night out are hard , book your toddler into nursery and take the day off and go somewhere , book a hotel room be romantic
You are making excuses OP .

Opinionwontchangeluv · 13/06/2024 02:27

Can do date nights inside, send children to bed and make your home like a restaurant with candle light ect

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