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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect dh to introduce me to someone (female) he is talking to?

40 replies

mosschops30 · 17/03/2008 18:31

Me and dh went out saturday when this girl he works with (i only know her from her facebook pic theyre friends on there) comes bounding over with a couple of other people from his work whom I know.
He spent a short amount of time speaking to her, and the others but never once introduced us.

I didnt think about it at the time, but last night in bed I was lying there thinking how rude/weird it is.

So I asked him about it today and he has flown off the handle screaming that I'm looking for something thats not there, he only spoke to her for a minute so why would he introduce me, and it didnt bother me saturday so why is it bothering me now?

Opinions please?

OP posts:

bobsyouruncle · 17/03/2008 18:36

tbh it wouldn't bother me if dh didn't formally introduce me, as long as he told me who she was after she left (I'd ask as soon as she left!). But I'd be p'd off that he went nuts about when I asked him about her later.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 17/03/2008 18:37

YANBU, female or not he should have introduced you, it's about respect.

What with his defensive screaming about it? Unless you virtually interrogated him and wouldn't stop asking, that's a bit off, and I'd be slightly suspicious. But I don't know you guys, maybe that's just how he is?

Anyway, yanbu imho.

lou33 · 17/03/2008 18:38

exh never used to introduce me, in 17.5 years of being together

i gave up explaining how rude it was and started introducing myself

MrsTittleMouse · 17/03/2008 18:40

I wouldn't be suspicious that he didn't introduce me - DH used to be rubbish at that and leave me at family weddings looking like a complete lemon while he chatted to relatives and I didn't know anyone. He is much better now, after much grumpiness from me and some major teasing from an aunt who saw what was going on and sided with me.
I would be seriously pissed off that he flew off the handle though.

OverMyDeadBody · 17/03/2008 18:41

what bobsyouruncle said.

It's his reaction to your asking that is a bit puzzling, unless you have a history of jumping to conclusions/nagging him/accusing him irrationally of things I'd say his reaction was ott.

Freckle · 17/03/2008 18:42

I'd be more worried by his reaction to being asked than the fact that he didn't introduce me at the time. He sounds very defensive when there's no need to be, which is a little worrying.

newgirl · 17/03/2008 18:53

there is not necessarily anything in it

i think a partners friends at work can be important to them but they know you would not really get on with them so dont bother mixing them up much - eg the stuff i talk to my work 'friends' about would be boring to my partner (and me sometimes!) so it would not really occur to me to introduce them

dittany · 17/03/2008 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 17/03/2008 19:02

Maybe I didnt approach it properly i probably suggested that the reason he didnt introduce us was for a reason when he was probably just being a bloke.

In my defence he's always going on about how lovely she is, and how shes always complaining that shes single and all the men in the company are married , and does he have any nice single friends .... are men so dull that they dont really see whats in front of their faces or am I just a cynical old bitch

OP posts:

milkymill · 17/03/2008 20:16

Yanbu, my dh has been known to do this on occasion and I find it extremely rude. I don't think it particularly matters who the person in question is though.

Wizzska · 17/03/2008 21:01

It was rude of him, unless like me the other day when bumping into a girl I know from an evening class, he'd forgotten her name. I'd sat next to the girl in question for weeks and when meeting her in the street her name totally left me and DH had to introduce himself and ask her her name. Oops. I blame sleep deprivation.

Flight · 17/03/2008 21:04

I find these situations painfully difficult. I would cite the following reason were I in his position:

the person who bounded over is really annoying and I knew if I introduced her a conversation involvng us all might follow, and I just wanted her and her silly friends to bugger off so I could be with you as planned.

lacarete · 17/03/2008 21:55

I always forget to introduce DH to people I run into and he gets fed up, but I'd be annoyed if he thought it there was something dodgy going on. Though that probably doesn't help!

colacubes · 17/03/2008 22:15

alarm bells would most definetley be ringing in my ears! Not due to him not introducing you but his reaction to the question, when they start shouting, ohh. if I was you I would be straight with him, "imo you are not being truthful", knock it on the head now, even if it is harmless flirting, or his kinky little fantasy that gets him through the day, cut it off at the knees.

ara · 17/03/2008 22:17

mm i would be a bit worried tbh, if she's no big deal, why not introduce her, and why yell at you for asking why not?

warthog · 17/03/2008 22:17

he doth protest too much

Original poster

mosschops30 · 18/03/2008 14:19

hmm i already know he likes her so its not that she was so insignificant he didnt feel the need.

Unfortunately dh feels that he can come home and say whatever is on his mind, but if i do the same its totally over the top, stupid, blah blah blah

OP posts:

AdelaideJo · 18/03/2008 15:49

She's always complaining to him about being single and all the good blokes are married? What a bloody cliche. She has a liddle crush on him IMO.

And he probably knows it, hence his unreasonable rage at your enquiries, even if its not reciprocated.

Watch her.

Baffy · 18/03/2008 15:52

Very rude not to introduce you.

And very OTT reaction. Which to me, would suggest there is more to it.

But I know I'm a cynic.

Baffy · 18/03/2008 15:53

AdelaideJo said it better than me. Totally agree.

KimiKilledTheEasterBunny · 18/03/2008 16:03

DP had some friends round one evening (for a scalectrix (sp) evening, this included DH1 and I was taking the DCs to stay at DH1s as it was a bit of a bloke thing, Anyway DP did not introduce me and I thought this was rude so as I was going out of the door with the DCs I said,
"oh by the way, I'm kimi dps girlfriend, I am taking my children over to my husbands house and he is going to stay here and play car racing with you and my toyboy! {grin] Think DP learnt his lesson!

colacubes · 18/03/2008 16:28

Mosschops,if he is mentioning her, and talking about her then watch him,my dp started talking constantly about a client he had.

Infact he would regurge the same info over months at a time, and when he bought me a g'n't, i drink vodka, well, my heart was in my mouth?? alarm bells ring ring ring, anyway couple of months later turns out he's a bit smitten, she gives him attention, emails back and too, they arrange a date!! But(thank god) I found out in the nick of time, and cut him off at the bollocks!!!

If you have a inckling that something is not quite right pull him, do not back down when he shouts, tell him, "I know you, do not disrespect me with inappropriate behaviour, or I will cut your bollocks off"

This may be your what if moment, be decisive, dont back down, good luck

colacubes · 18/03/2008 16:32

dp just read the thread, his opinion is, shes after him, beware!!

loopylou6 · 18/03/2008 17:32

i agree, sounds like shes after him

Original poster

mosschops30 · 18/03/2008 18:44

oh dear well I'm going on holiday tomorrow and he'll be going out with her thursday night, not much I can do about it

OP posts:

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