How do I be happy away from husband

[ginandjoos]

My husband works full time, some times quite long hours and I stay at home with our toddler and newborn, we are originally from Dublin but live in Scotland and have done for 5 years.

The problem I have is that I can't relax or be happy until my dh is home, I don't have any friends or family or even acquaintances here, I find being a housewife and mother a joyous thing and do love it but I'm so lonely through the days. I find it really stressful to go out by myself and the children so hardly leave the house unless dh is here, I really want to try and be more independent but even going to the shops with dc being so young is extremely stressful and I'd rather just wait until dh gets home and comes also. How on earth do I become more independent and just get up and do things on my own???

What do you find so stressful about going out with them both? Newborn in the pram, toddler on a buggy board. It doesn't need to be stressful.

How did you manage it when you only had one child? I think you just have to start small or plan ahead, and just do it, the more you get used to it the more confident you will get and then you can start to enjoy it. Go to toddler groups and make some friends.

Double buggy. Walk until both asleep. Find a cafe..
Ime.
Worth working on that routine...

Where in Scotland are you?

Could you look up your local Bookbug class? They are held in the local libraries and are free. I take my son to one and it's a really inclusive, easy going class. There's no pressure and if you get overwhelmed, you can just leave.

I’ve gradually improved this since unexpected illness for me & DS when he was born led to feeling v dependent on DH in a way I never expected to be.
What worked for me was setting small goals and not expecting too much, such as achieving a park trip but not expecting it to be easy or trouble free. I made a list of places I could go to/ things I could do with the DC. I would motivate myself by looking forward to telling DH about it later. And also working out ways of doing things I actuall ly wanted to do, so the pull to go out was stronger. Only for eg taking them out to a forest because I love being in nature etc.
Do you have any connections with others you can focus on and build (even online or by phone), or any ideas of how to create some? I really didn't want to start meeting people again etc but I was conscious it was putting too much on DH to be my only friend. And then once you find people to look forward to seeing, again that pull to get out is there.
I do think though don’t be too hard on yourself! This will probably be a gradual process and that’s fine! It is hard to get out and about a lot with a newborn & a toddler for a lot of people, but they will get older and easier and you will find things that work. Also it’s January! Every time I have got my two out lately we’ve come straight back in, drenched! Congratulate yourself for any little effort or outing! They will all contribute towards this seeming very different by the end of the year.

Perth

Were you codependent before you had the children? If not, when did it begin? Did you cope going out when you jury had one?