To phone adult social services?

[Blondebutnotlegally]

Me neighbour lives next to me part time. She brings her long term partner back a couple of days a week and for the rest of the time she looks after him at his home in another county.

He has dementia, and every time I cross paths with them (which is only every couple of week) she's screaming bloody murder at him. I've just walked past her house and I can hear her screaming so loud, not just raising her voice, but the type where their voice starts growling. At first I thought she might be getting frustrated at him as he's losing his memory, but now I just heard her shouting because he moved something and she wanted him to move it back, she's shouting about how it's her house.

I never see her not screaming at him, no exaggeration. We even know if they have come back to stay as we will hear her screaming at him again.

I just don't know whether she's borderline abusive and he's vulnerable. I don't know what to do. I don't want to make assumptions but I feel awful for the poor guy.

Yes, contact them. Let them use their professional experience to determine whether he is safe or not. It does sounds awful for him, poor man.

Social services and/or the police. I’d start audio recording what you can hear from your home.

Thanks for the advice. You are right, not my job to decide, just to flag!

Good idea re recording

I can't see how it could possibly not be abusive - to be constantly screamed at is just awful, especially when he's so vulnerable and already suffering with dementia. Please do call them.

I think my issue is, I've never had to live with someone with dementia. I thought maybe I would get replies saying "I've been there, it's so hard, I imagine she's at the end of her tether poor woman". I just have no experience with the illness so I didn't want to jump to conclusions without trying to empathise and maybe get other opinions first.

As PPs have said- get some recordings, and call the police, OP.

If you didn't know he had dementia, and/or if the roles were reversed and it was a man behaving like this to a woman, you'd probably contact 101 without a thought, so try that route?

I know this might sound ridiculous, but he’s not deaf / hard of hearing is he ? Is it “angry” shouting or just “shouting”. My mum is 88, refuses to believe she has any hearing loss, so won’t wear a hearing aid, so you’ll often find me shouting in her direction … we have had some very odd looks in shops, as I shout “it £4.99” or something else.

ExtraOnions she said it's growling shouting. Yes angry.

Absolutely report asap.

Well yes, she probably is at the end of her tether. Dementia is just awful, the guy is probably not sleeping properly and waking her up through the night so she's knackered, she can't get 2 minutes to herself, constantly on edge.

That's quite possibly the reason for the behaviour but not an excuse. Would agree that speaking to social services is a good idea. They have obviously both reached breaking point and it's now at the crisis point where they need to get carers or some other form of support.