Lone parents, what do you do on Friday/ Saturday night?

[Dryupyourdesertwithtears]

I love my DC's but I still get that feeling that I just want to let my hair down. We have a kitchen disco but they get bored and go off. Usually buy a little mini wine for myself. Ex has the kids Sunday- Tuesday so weekends are all mine. I don't usually mind but sometimes I feel a bit sad about not having anyone to hang out with. Don't want to date.
Friends are coupled up or out.

I try and make plans with friends if I am childfree, I hate staying in on my own. When the kids are here we sometimes watch a movie/TV. Occasionally I invite friends over for a glass of wine.

Hello OP- you do not say how new you are to this arrangement but I found over time you work will get used to it and work out how best to use your time and get used to it.

Sorry if this sounds snarky but I opened this thread as a lone parent, which to me is a parent who totally parents alone. So no shared care - in our case because of very sudden death of DH. This is a totally different experience to shared care and both are very difficult in different ways. I hope you get some helpful answers from this thread because it is very tough.

@willstarttomorrow sorry I didn't realise there was a distinction, I don't personally like the term 'single parent' or 'co parent'

I'm a lone parent as I was widowed when my kids were 4 and 6, as @willstarttomorrow 'lone parent' is very different from
single parent' - it doesn't matter that you don't like the term, it is generally taken to mean what you are.
I had people over my house, or I had a babysitter if I went out. But generally weekend nights I was at home on my own with my kids. I'm totally happy in my own company, not saying that I wouldn't like a relationship, but I'm not lonely.
I do make sure I see friends during the week.

Nothing? My ex only has her if I ask him to have her weeks or months in advance, like a babysitting service that is not reliable, so pretty much every weekend it’s me. I watch crappy tv, drink wine, mooch about the house. Sometimes I go hang out at a friends house and she gets dragged along. Nothing exciting, it is what it is. Not happy with it but I have no other options.

Ffs stop nitpicking the OP’s choice of phrase. By dictionary definition the OP is correct in stating she is a lone parent, parenting a child without a partner.

@Dryupyourdesertwithtears any chance of amending the contact schedule as it’s a bit crap and completely unfair you never get a weekend to yourself while baby daddy gets every weekend off.

Any of your friends with kids want to babysit? Do sleepovers? I still maintained good relationships with coupled up friends either with both of them or just my friend. Now I’m coupled up I still leave dp home with the kids and see friends, I’ll pick up a takeaway and head over to my single friends place happily.

@Dryupyourdesertwithtears I totally understand and I meant it when I said I did not mean to be snarky. Just as a lone parent we have a lot of 'I might as well be a lone parent' type things thrown out there. Being totally alone practically, financially and emotionally is a different place. It is not a competition and every one has thirer own circumstances and difficulties. I really hope you get there, it is trite but time really is a great healer.

You’re not a lone parent. Lone parent is when the other parent isn’t involved. I’m a lone parent and I don’t do anything because my kids are always with me. Never had a single night to myself.

When mine were little I would read, watch a film, knit, then get all cosied up in bed by ten.

I am very happy with my own company though. I appreciate it may be more difficult if you are an extrovert who needs other people to sustain energy levels. I need peace and quiet to be able to sustain mine (VERY peoply job) so being a SP really suited me.

@HippeePrincess I am not nit picking. Are you a lone parent? I was overnight and I would not wish it on anyone.

I am lone parent to teens. I sometimes go to the pool or gym. Mostly I watch TV read zbook. Not been out in 4 years, I'm not lonely. Kid need me here. Acouple of years whe they are 15 and 16 I can have a social life!

I just got a dog to stop the loneliness after he goes to bed. I crochet, do diy, exercise (not enough), scroll the Internet (too much). I have friends round for dinner here or zoom with friends. I am generally happy in my own company. But every night does get a bit much.

I do all sorts as a lone parent on a weekend. I might book a babysitter and go out with my friends, might have a movie night in with the kids, might let them have friends over or I might have friends over (with or without their kids). Sometimes we go up the local pub or out for dinner/cinema. We might go to a friend's house for a takeaway. Life doesn't stop when you are a lone parent unless you let it.

I used a babysitter so I can have a social life and go to the pub every Friday night .
I’ve always been sociable though so carried this in even after having kids

How old are DC? How long have you been single?
Tonight we played board games and rewatched some Doctor Who.
Sometimes we watch films. Sometimes we are all in separate rooms doing our own thing.

Mine are 19 and 17.

Not anymore thankfully, but I was for a number of years. And saying to the op she’s not a lone parent is nit picking, unhelpful and unsupportive.

On that note I'm not a lone parent. My kids go to their abusive father eow. He pays almost no maintenance and sends them home on an emotional mess. I do get a rest, unlike when I was married and a conventional unit where he was financial abusive, nasty and impossible.

You’re not a lone parent if your ex has the kids. Why would that upset you it’s a fact. Lone parents have no other parent involved. You’re a single parent.

@Dryupyourdesertwithtears I did not mean to come across as unhelpful and unsuportive and I hope I made that clear to OP in my responses. However as you will understand having been a lone parent yourself, the issue of the emotional impact/coming to terms with being without the children when with the other parent is not something lone parents are in a position to offer any insight/support into. This is not to undermine the OP's experiences and feelings as I have made clear. However shared care and being a lone parent are totally different things, both with their own difficulties.

@Dryupyourdesertwithtears sorry I really do not want to derail your thread and and I really do not mean to be arsey about the lone parent/single parent thing. It is just that being a lone parent is such a particularly specific thing which those of us in that situation have no control over (lots of us widows) we do get a bit prickly. This is not to take away from what you are going through, however the term is often used in a way that can be offensive (lots of threads about being basically a lone parent as partner works away). When the other parent dies and basically you are forced to be a lone parent with absolutely no prospect of ever it being anything else is such a horrible club to be in.

To go back to what I said before, time is a healer. It is a trite saying. When DH died I was not in your position in that I had to be parent 24/7- but I do get that feeling of not knowing how things will pan out. Give yourself time, do not force it. Years down the line we have got through things and we are okay. Do not fall into the trap that just because you have some time to yourself you need to fill it, or spend it sorting out the house, going out because that is what you used to do before you had DC etc. Get used to being single- I realised when DH died I had never really been by myself as an adult. Allow yourself to feel a bit lonely and shite rather than rushing into things to fill the void and because you feel you should. This may seem odd advice but I hope it makes sense on some level!

I am also a single parent but not a lone parent (I do think the terminology matters - my kids are with their Dad 3/14 and 4/14 respectively, give or take, so I get some time off).

My children are 9 (almost 10) and 15 so much easier than little ones.

In the autumn we watch strictly together on Saturdays and I look forward to that! At the moment my 15 yo has got me into the traitors which is on on Fridays as well as Wed and Thursday. We sometimes have a movie night altogether, or whoever is there.

Occasionally have a games night with cards etc, but much less so than we did in lockdown.

Otherwise when they’re in bed I watch tv or read in bed - I don’t find that sad but then I do get to go out with friends sometimes.

I think the worse one is people whose husband works away saying “I’m basically a lone/ single parent” though.

That’s awful, I’m so sorry.

Depends on how much money you have of course

This annoys me a lot too.