Help with very moody menopausal friend

[crochetmonkey74]

Has anyone struggled with moodiness in menopause?
My friend is very much struggling and it's making her snappy, snippy and very difficult. I know it's hormonal. If you've suffered with this, what did your friends do that helped and what should I avoid?

Has she specifically told you her moods are linked to menopause? Maybe just be there for her as a friend. Help navigate the HRT options and go out for nice walks and do lovely stuff with her to make her feel happy and loved.

I went straight into a surgical menopause in January after a hysterectomy. It definitely impacted on my mood and irritation levels and I got into three very uncharacteristic unpleasant interactions with two friends and DH. So I stopped drinking, increased my activity levels, went on HRT and really looked at my behaviour - I apologised, tried to acknowledge that my ego got in the way and took responsibility.

Your friends moods and responses aren't your responsibility, you shouldn't be walking on eggshells around her. It's not fair or a decent friendship if you are having to manage her.

She hasn't said it is but she is also very reluctant to go to docs. I think there's undiagnosed depression there as well. I feel like I'm working overtime to make her feel loved, and it's affecting my self esteem a bit as I am feeling a bit desperate and pathetic as she is often spiky with me

It is starting to chip away at me I must admit. I'm a bit of a 'rescuer' anyway and I want her to feel loved, but it's definitely getting harder

Her hormones aren't ever an excuse to treat people badly. She needs to talk to her doctor about controlling her moods.

I think I'm on the edge of very gently stepping away a bit as she's v stubborn and will not even consider the doctors.

See if she would consider some diet changes, but make it clear it’s not about her appearance. As we go into this time we have to look after our health so much more carefully. Dietary improvements won’t necessarily improve her mood but it can’t hurt.

I just saw your post. Yes, don’t feel you have to be responsible for her.

Sorry for resurrecting this thread but I'm at the end of my tether with her. I just organised a lovely birthday meal for her, which she wanted and knew about. Couple of days before she went cold again and just stopped really talking to me. I've tried to talk to her about it and she said she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I feel like I'm going mad . She's very conflict or confrontation averse, so will deny to the hilt.

Hey, how are things now? Just wondering as I’m in a very similar situation

Hi. I had to step away a bit to be honest. I felt totally humiliated at the birthday party and it really upset me. I took advice from another friend who told me to just act towards her like she does to me. So I started putting the same level of effort in that she does and it caused the friendship to drift. At first I felt bereft , but I soon saw she had done it to almost everyone and in fact, I had many more friends. Her problem also came from a bit of jealousy as several areas of my life really improved. I only connected this afterwards. What's your friend doing?

I've suffered an awful menopause and it has made me feel angry and moody. However, not once have I ever shown this to a friend. You need to step back from this woman. Menopause is no excuse for her behaviour.

@Lucylou784 I so so relate to all of this. It's like my friend doesn't even like me anymore, and she doesn't even hide it. Mines very difficult amd holds everyone else to a higher standard than herself ( gets in a mood if her birthday is missed but happy to give belated gifts to others for eg)
It's been so upsetting as you can't even tackle her as she's convinced she's perfect

I think stepping back is good. But tbh, even if she does come back, I will have moved on so I doubt we will be able to pick back up