Have been in a bad place for a while. I’ve been very stressed at work, my mum’s not well, the dog died… 2023 was just one thing after another.
I am 34 and I want to marry, buy a house, have children etc. He is 41, but noncommittal about all this - he feels he is not ready yet. I think if he is not ready now, when will he be?
I don’t like his mother, who is very judgemental of me (I feel, DP disagrees) and his dad is from the stone age, very chauvinistic. I just hate being with them and the thought of seeing them makes my heart drop. This Christmas I spent it with my mum and siblings and didn't really miss him all that much.
So it feels like we should call it a day - BUT, DP really doesn’t want to break up. Even though I haven’t been a good partner for some time now due to the stress of everything. I am snappy, I don’t communicate properly with him, I am miserable / stressy and I haven’t prioritised quality time with him. I am seeing a therapist but it’s slow work. Even though I have been so hard to live with, he still really loves me. And I do love him too (but I can’t be 100% sure how strongly I fee about him while my emotions are all over the place, it’s hard to know my own mind).
I am massively doubting myself. If I were to get to a better place mentally, maybe we can make this work and feel ready to settle down together? I don’t blame him for not committing to me while I am like this, but if I work on myself we could get there, we both love each other and he has stuck by me even when I am at my lowest - that has to count for something.
I am 35 soon and don’t have much time in terms of children and so I am paralysed about what to do.
Looking for mumsnet wisdom.