Paying for carers

[CircusSkills]

BIL and wife have been housing FIL for two years, built separate accommodation on their land using proceeds from FIL's house sale and have been managing his finances ever since. Soon after he moved, his health deteriorated, and they got a live in carer to stay with him. DH has just found out all FIL's money has gone. FIL now has to move to care home which will be paid for by local council as not enough for private care in the accommodation as he needs round the clock care. In the meantime BIL has asked DH to pay for the private carers until FIL moves as apparently the money ran out months ago. DH has no money and asked me to help pay as I have savings. He doesn't expect any of it will be paid back, circa several thousand. AIBU to say no? BIL and wife have been managing finances and said nothing till now

I don't think the money has 'suddenly run out' has it? The fact that the money was running out is what prompted the move to a care home.

People are always quick to ask where the money went but not quite as quick to offer to provide or arrange care, offer respite to caring relatives or even visit in some cases.

Bil could be in trouble her unless fil lives 7 years. The money spent on their house could be claimed back. I wouldn't pay anything until dh and bil gets proper advice. Poor fil.

Sorry if I misread but is the suggestion that you should spend your savings on care for your father in law? Because neither he nor his own children can afford it.

Umm no.

This is why he paid taxes his whole life and what adult social care is intended for.

No, they've been asked to pay for carers in his home until he moves into the care home shortly.

His own money paid for the carers until it ran out several months ago and bil has paid them between then and now.

FIL has only sold up two years ago and all the money has gone? Firstly your DH should have been asking questions two years ago, but I second the request for full disclose of FILs finances and what has been spent since.

I think the BILis taking the piss on the face of it, he's now got all the inheritance to improve his home, used all his savings for carers to come in and your DH is taking the piss to want to use your savings as he has none.

surely, if FIL now has no money, the council will need to pay for those carers, until he moves into a care home?

it doesn’t add up. What questions are social services asking related to finances?

I also feel desperately sorry for FIL.

i understand care is expensive, I understand only one son appears to have stepped up, I’m the sibling that does it in my family, but something isn’t right here

Don’t pay. Live in carers are hugely expensive and as long as you are paying for it the council won’t be in a hurry to find a home. You BiL should go back to the council and say he hasn’t got the money to pay for full time care and they need to quickly find a home for your FiL. Your FiL will be assessed by the council with a view to what he needs and can afford. His pension will go towards any home care as it will go towards a home when they find one

It seems your BiL has spent all your FiLs money building accommodation and paying for a carer, it was your FiLs money, not your BiLs so I don’t see why DH now has to pay. They should have thought ahead to his needs and perhaps not spent it on building property but ring fencing it for future care. I’d be asking where it has all gone.

Exactly @spanishviola but you said it far more eloquently than me! 😀

Surely, if FIL now has no money, the council will need to pay for those carers, until he moves into a care home?

Thing is, the council will drag their feet anyway and especially if someone else has been paying, so I suppose there's the question of who pays until they get their act into gear

Anyway OP hasn't been back so we may never know