How do I become more sociable?

[Cloud44]

The older I’m getting (early 40s) I feel I’m becoming less sociable. Unless I’m in the right mood I don’t really look forward to social events and sometimes don’t go if I can find an excuse. I want to become more sociable but just feel not very confident / have got lazy with it.
Ive been invited to a catch up at a friends house this weekend for example and really can’t be bothered to go after a busy week at work but know when I get there I would probably enjoy it more than I think. Basically how do you force yourself to do things when you are lacking in energy or confidence?

JFDI.

Stop the analysis paralysis and just go. Think about how much you don't want to after you've been.

I know this doesn't work for everything but it does work for quite a lot of things.

I feel your pain, I really have to force myself to attend social events, yet when I do, I really enjoy myself.

My advice is simple. Tell yourself you will go for 45 minutes, have one drink and say hello. Wear something comfortable and unfussy.
Have your PJs and book waiting ready for when you get home.
Arrange for an 'emergency' phone call so you can leave if you're not enjoying it.

Is your energy really low? It’s not anaemia or anything, is it?

Maybe figure out what makes you feel not confident?

I know why I am and it’s tiring letting it hold you back.

I don't feel like that about socialising, if I commit to something then I do it unless something comes up.

It sounds like something else is going on, but I can't really say what on that details Things that affect me is some form of disorganisation, behind on food shop for example, or other things I want to do & struggling to find time for them.

Confidence only comes from doing, have you had a period where you're been not socialising a lot or something happened that affected it?

What you'd be choosing to do instead might yield some insight, so too why you're feeling like that. It's really for you rather than us to answer tho

When I start ducking out of social events, it's a sign that I'm slipping into depression again. Therefore I make myself go. And usually enjoy it.

I absolutely HATE socialising. It’s not a confidence thing but more the effort, the small talk, the I can’t be botheredness. I wish I was different but I avoid it as much as I can. I really really have to push myself to go, sometimes I enjoy myself, other times it’s torture but I am ALWAYS glad to get home regardless. Funny because you couldn’t keep me in when I was a teenager/ young adult but now home is my safe haven and I love having no plans. I would change It if I could because I do feel like I miss out on a lot of life but part of me is ok with that and part of me laments it. Hard to explain.

Even if you don’t have the best time during the occasion, afterwards you always feel better for having gone.

• Wear clothes you feel really good in (don’t leave outfit choice to last minute as this always causes anxiety).

• Bring the host a small gift that she’ll appreciate (plant, wine, chocolates etc) which will make you feel good to give.

• Find out who’s coming first from the host so you can mentally prepare.

• Think of a few things to talk about before you go which you can whip out if you find yourself in an awkward silence.

• Drink wine and plenty of it…

Project the confident person you want to be until you start to believe it…you’ve got this OP! ❤️

Always go, even if you CBA when it’s to spend time with people you genuinely care for and you know care for you or those you know will be really good fun/ lighthearted if not massively close.

Otherwise I’d happy sack off all other events, particularly those that feel like an obligation to someone who doesn’t really matter in your life.

@Icantbedoingwithit socialising doesn't have to be "Smalltalk". Virtually everything socialising I do or organise is centered around an interest or activity. As much as possible, I don't chat rubbish either, I take a real interest in people with proper conversation. How they are (really, not so they can say "fine thanks"), what their plans are, asking about stuff they've mentioned before etc. If I can't do that, I know I'm doing something I shouldn't do again 🤣

I find that making a firm commitment helps drive me out of the house, and then I'm usually glad I went. For example, I've volunteered to unlock the building for my hobby club, so I have to go or I'd be letting others down. That is enough to motivate me.

I am actually scared of my own moods! I can usually take an evening (married to a v sociable dh) but the prospect of a holiday with friends sends me into a panic. I'm not a good actress and it all shows on my face.. a curse!