pregnancy regret. feel guilty for thinking it.

[carrotsnparsnips]

i’m 22 weeks pregnant with my third and have such intense regret. i feel embarrassed saying anything to anyone in person because it wasn’t accidental, we wanted a third and were excited at first but the more time goes on the more i’m panicking. i have close age gaps - one is 1 and one is nearly 3, the 1 year old seems to just cry all the time these days and the 2 year old is always mummy get this please/mummy do this please/mummymummymummy and i know that’s normal but im EXHAUSTED im dreading the newborn lack of sleep days because i still don’t even get proper sleep now

i don’t know what ive done i just regret my choice and feel sad and guilty about it

bump please i’m having literal panic attacks over this i really need someone who’s felt this way too to tell me it turns out ok :’)

I think it is normal to feel like this, I definitely had worries before baby 2 (sorry only had 2). Speak to your midwife/GP if it’s getting really bad.

I will say there are benefits to this tight age gaps. You’re already completely set up for a baby and totally experienced at managing a toddler and a baby. You’ve got all the stuff already. And it won’t be too long till your two oldest can play together.

Are there ways you can focus on the little things you’re grateful for or are anticipating? Good luck!

Can you put the nearly 3 year old into a nursery/preschool? I found having a little break and one less child around a bit of a help whilst they were also getting attention they needed in the childcare setting.

I totally felt like this, when I was pregnant and had a 3yr old. A much longer for pregnancy.

You may want to check in with your gp or midwife. It may be the circumstances- overtired and over busy- but you can also get depressed during pregnancy. Like PND but early!

How far along are you? Once my boy arrived I was over the moon. It really was a pregnancy thing for me.

When I was pregnant with my second (now 12 weeks), I was so worried about the sleepless nights. Then she came into the world and just slept through. It made all that worry pointless!

You might not experience the same, but my point is that every baby is so different and your energy is wasted on worry.

There is no doubt that juggling three with such small age gaps will be hard but you'll muddle through. I grew up as one of three with less than 4 years between us. It was wonderful and we're all very close. You've got this.

You’d be mental if you didn’t fear having 3 kids under 4 because you know it’s going to be fucking hard work but what you’re describing is fear, not regret.

This is going to be a hard period in your life but I bet you’ve already had those and come out the other side.

Every child is so special and brings with it so much love. You’ve done this before and can do it again…your oldest will be in school soon and if it’s any comfort my 4 year old is SO much easier than he was a year ago.

Lean on everyone around you and please talk to DP if he’s around as I can guarantee he’s feeling the same fear as you. ❤️

Can you book in a maternity nurse for a few weeks at the beginning until you find your feet? Is your partner helpful?

Aw sorry you're feeling like this, it must be horrible and scary.
I really panicked about having baby no2 due to first baby being such high needs and challenging. I was same, felt like having panic attacks and couldn't see how it would be ok.
It's turned out great in the end, baby no2 is so chilled, so easy, and they have brought joy. It wasn't bad like I thought at all. Especially not the new born days
I think you might surprise yourself.
And even if it is really hard all you can do is remember it's not forever, you will survive, and see it as an investment in your future family life. The baby years are such a blip compared to the length of your life ahead and you will be so overjoyed one day to have 3 gorgeous grown up adults who come home to visit etc, you will be so happy you did the hard work now ❤️

I had my 3rd 6 months ago. Mine are now 4, 2 and 6 months. My 3rd pregnancy was really tough, I felt exactly how you do now (although mine wasn't planned). Honestly you will be fine. It will be hard, but you will be ok. The newborn stage was rough for me because baby isn't a great sleeper and neither is my two year old. But it was still much easier than being pregnant with two toddlers, that was hell so I feel for you ❤️. Things are so much easier now that shes that bit older and I'm so glad we had her, she completes are little family and the older two love her so much 🥰

No kidding, the first year will be really tough, but it will start to get easier and then you will appreciate the close age gaps and being able to get rid of all the baby stuff and move on.
I had a 21 month old and a 3.5 year old when my 3 rd was born and 3 rd was poorly and in/ out hospital. First year was a blur and had to call DH home from work a few times when they were poorly but we survived and they are now 17, 19 and 20.

Completely normal I think to have multiple wtf moments. With any pregnancy. And it does drag on for bloody ages. 30 weeks would be a perfect gestation period.

3 kids under 5 is survivable but let's not kid yourself that unless you have pots of cash it's going to be easy. It's not. But I personally think it's easier to have three around the same age than massive age gaps where a toddler is trashing a tweens precious Lego creations and you spend your life refereeing. I think if you accept your life is probably going to be very child focused for the next 5 yrs or so and set your expectations accordingly life will be easier.
So I'd suggest focussing on the things that will make your life easier before no3 arrives. Is your 3 yr old toilet trained? Are your two children sharing a room right now? Is the one yr old self settling if they wake in the night?
Is your husband pulling his weight? Really?
Have you found a good babysitter, that you'd trust with a small baby of say 6 months or so.
You must be due mid/end May? The lovely thing is you can spend more time outdoors with your three and some fresh air and exercise will hopefully lead to decent sleep
with the older two at least.

Positives
They'll all grow out of plastic toys around the same time. Ditto with large class birthday parties.
Clothes and school uniforms will roll off the back of one onto the next. You'll save a fortune and won't have to store stuff for years.
You won't have to go to the in-laws for Christmas. Unless they are masochists. Legitimate excuse for a small family Christmas just the 5 of you.
Others will be along I am sure but I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Hello OP,
Came across your post as I’m in a similar situation now as you were at the time of posting. Since your third bub would be earthside now, I’m hoping you might be able to offer me some words of reassurance?

People have anxiety about buying the wrong yogurt, getting the wrong book from the library,, booking the wrong holiday - we are programmed to worry. Listen to what your worries are telling you, you have time to sort them out

Good luck