aibu to be fed up of his fussiness?

[ireallycantthinkofaname]

Fist world problems to the max but .......

In a house of 4 people - all adults - if one person was prodigiously fussy, would you expect all meals to be catered to their tastes or a second meal made for them, ORfor them to either put up and shut up, or make themselves something? (They refuse to cook for themselves beyond making a sandwich or heating up a tin of soup at lunchtime).

This is the situation I'm in with my brother - early 20s, comes home from uni for the holidays. Really fussy eater and would basically have 'meat and two veg* plus mashed or roast potatoes' for every meal, but only very specific vegetables e.g. broccoli, cauliflower, courgettes, carrots, stringless green beans, peas, sweetcorn.

Tonight I've pre-made (so it just needs heating up) a tomato sauce with various veg (not of the types he likes....), onions, garlic, mushrooms and lots of herbs with spaghetti, meatballs (one lot for the vegetarians and one lot for the meat-eaters) and stuffed bell peppers.

I know he won't like it. But I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable making something I know 1 person out of 4 won't like or he's being unreasonable expecting everyone's meals to always be done to his liking.

Hes 20 years old and can’t cook for himself?

Tell him to grow up and get some life skills. What’s he going to do if he eventually has children? Expect his partner to be the one cooking every day?

If it was a fussy child I’d say yes maybe tweak the meal a little to cater but a fully grown adult can either eat what you make or do their own.

He should make his own dinner. Surely he does at uni. If it's just a sandwich, that's his problem. Your lovely-sounding meal is available if he wants it!

I think he probably can cook simple stuff (I have no idea what he does at uni but assuming not just sandwiches and bowls of cereal) but doesn't bother.
Just not sure I'm being unreasonable seeing as it's only the holidays.

Also for context we're the same age & I'm currently looking for a job.

Imo you should say

'tonight I'm cooking X and you won't like it so you'll have to cook for yourself'

and he should say

'no worries thanks for letting me know'

If this doesn't happen then someone needs to change

HTH 😀

I wouldn't make 2 meals, no.

I don't cater to fussiness AT ALL. Not even with my kids. If you don't eat what's put in front of you, it's tough. If i were you id be telling your brother "there's plenty of hunger for you instead."

Does he cater for other people's tastes when he cooks? Makes several? Considers that others do not want to eat meat and broccoli for every meal?

Why do you cook for your brother?

It's about time he learnt to cook.

Fussiness aside, I don't understand why you're cooking for your adult brother at all.

What is the set-up? Are you and your brother both living with your parents, with you cooking for everybody? Why does cooking for the whole family fall to you every day?

i am that fussy adult however I eat the things I like and leave what I don’t from meals other make, my daughter has asd and is very “fussy” with foods it is suspected I also have asd so pls don’t give him a hard time, help him help himself, btw I’m 50 and my “fussiness” hasn’t changed and won’t bc it’s not always to do with being awkward we literally can’t help it

Stop cooking for him.
Maybe say I'm making X tonight, who wants some?
Then only cook for those who say yes.

it is perfectly reasonable to warn them what you are cooking so they have time to plan or buy in something different.

However, is it really fussiness or do they not like the taste of your food (too herby, oniony etc) or do they get digestion problems? I couldn't eat that food.

a tomato sauce with various veg (not of the types he likes....), onions, garlic, mushrooms and lots of herbs with spaghetti, meatballs (one lot for the vegetarians and one lot for the meat-eaters) and stuffed bell peppers.
I could eat your mushrooms, everything else would cause me taste or digestive issues unfortunately especially the garlic, pepper, onion, herbs and tomatoes

He’s old enough to make himself something (even if it’s a sandwich). You are already catering to 2 groups of people, no need for 3rd meal.

Why are you cooking for him? I hate the idea of a young woman cooking for her same-aged brother and reinforcing gender stereotypes. Please stop running round him.

Who else is home and why are you catering for all of them?? Stop it.

I can’t imagine my 19y daughter cooking for her 21y brother on a regular basis!!

I couldn't be doing with that. I'm a picky eater although not to that extent, I can't stand vegetables. My aunt made me try a Brussels sprout once and I vomited over the table from the taste so I do get that people shouldn't eat things they don't like but fgs just cook yourself something!

A 20 year old man should be more than capable of cooking himself dinner if he doesn't like what everyone else is having.

Your parents have raised a man baby and let him get away with murder, yep?

I'm the only one not in work or education and don't pay rent so doing chores round the house is how i justify my sorry excuse for an existence (lol). If it wasn't me doing it mum would but she has physical health issues which means she finds it difficult/painful. I can't bear the idea of her in pain so would rather do it myself; obviously just cooking for myself not others would be pretty selfish IMO.

(Edited for grammar/clarity.)

Given that he doesn't cook, I don't think you need to cater for him all the time.

If cooking was shared and he always made sure to cook something everyone would like, that would be different.

YANBU. If he doesn't like what you cook he needs to cook for himself.

Only acceptable way to have one fussy eater catered for in every meal when cooking for the family is if it's the fussy eater cooking.

Your parents have failed here. The blatant inequality between the two of you kids is not ok. Is this because you are a woman? His poor future spouse

Medical issues aside, I don't cater for fussy eaters. You either eat what everyone else is having or cook your own.

It's perfectly acceptable for one person to cook a meal for all, saves money on ingredients and in energy, and is efficient use of time and money but he does need to be warned in advance so he can have a back up meal in the freezer or eats out. I can't eat curry so when the family have it I have a particular frozen ready meal that I enjoy and they hate. We all win.

He is 20, he's your brother not your dependent. He obviously manages in term time to feed himself. Lovely if sometimes you cater for him , lovely if he would reciprocate. I wouldn't say his diet was particularly fussy though, he likes traditional meat and 3 veg. If he doesn't want to try what you've made he can suit himself.

Ah see I think this changes things slightly. I think it your job in the house is basically cook because you're unemployed and your parents are supporting you, I'd expect you to consider your brother largely. That doesn't have to be fancy, but depending on what he'll eat some boiled potatoes, streamfresh veg, some meat in the over / grill isn't really hard.

Do you shop as well as cooking every night?

What are your parents expectations?

We have 3 fussy eaters out of 4 kids in this house. The oldest being 18. We have decided it's time we put our foot down on it. Some nights we've made 4 different meals! Insane. And not affordable. We are devising a two week meal plan on which there will be one meal a night that will suit at least half the people, and most nights 3 of them vaguely. And one alternative which will always be plain pasta. And that's it. Enough is enough!

Don't make your life more complicated than it needs to be. Cook for you and the others. Let him sort himself out. You cant cook everything to suite him all of the time.