To send gifts back f

[needagoodnightsleep1]

Ive spent way too many hours the last few days pondering this and still unsure whats the best course of action so looking forward to some opinions please

My dd's grandmother on father's side, every year drops round a Christmas and birthday present a couple of days before Christmas. (Birthday is just after Christmas). When i say drops she leave it in a plastic bag in the bin and texts to say it's there a couple of hours later, never knocks or checks if someone is in. Even when i have been in, in the past she drops and runs and pretends no-none was in.

She lives about a mile away but hasnt seen or ask to see dd in about 3 years. We arent allowed to ask her why she gets aggressive avoids the question and then walks away.

Its not just my dd she does this with, its with every child her sons have, so 5 gc in total. I just get the feeling she doesn't like her son's wife's/ex wifes.

I haven't given my dd her presents from her yet and to be honest i don't really want to. Dd is at an age now where shes asking questions and realising whats going on. She has on numerous occasions asked why doesn't she her nanny and i cant give her any reasons why. I know by giving these presents now its going starting another upsetting uncomfortable conversation.

Every year it feels with me dread and anxiety around Christmas knowing what to expect. I have asked dd's father to ask his mother not to give gifts, which she ignores and sends anyway.

This year i want to send them back with a note explaining why, with a view to her not sending anymore. Wwud? I don't have a relationship with her at all so can't ask and she previously blocked me on everything so i cant text/WhatsApp. We have never actually had any cross words or disagreements so it's all very strange.

If she doesn't see any of her dgc that must be awful-ime. Maybe she has stood by her ds in the treatment of their dm's and feels they won't allow her be a dgm? Or has her ds made her choose?

Both sons have brought it up to her several times that they weren't happy she didn't see the dgc, but gets annoyed and said its all too much hassle. She no longer has relationships with her DiL's because of it. She honestly doesn't care she doesn't see them, she just sees them as an inconvenience. Shes has never had any of her grand children alone for an hour or two let along over night

I should add she does see one gs regularly her dd's son, who lives several miles away and every one else lives within a mile radius of her

Give her the presents but gloss over who they're from? Maybe check they're suitable first though.

Strange. But I'd still give her the presents and tell them they are from her Grandmother. No need to lie or not give her the presents. Just say Nanny can't see you right now but look what she's bought for you. When your child is older you can explain the situation but for now I'd give her the presents as she obviously wants her to have them. Surely your child will just be glad to have extra presents. I'm assuming some kind of mental illness could be at play here.

The presents don't belong to you. Just give her them but don't say who they are from? Or don't make a big deal out of it

Thank you for your replies. Agreed if it was something my daughter would like id be more inclined to just give them. But it will be the same as every year before, clothes that are either too small or too big and something she wouldn't wear. Theres just no thought in the gift she gives, she buys out of obligation rather than wanting too, it would save us both a lot of hassle if she didn't

I'd send them back. Pointless her sending presents when the child doesn't even know her. I agree with you.

Leave them outside her doorstep!

She sounds unwell. No need to be cruel.

I wouldn’t send them back, it would be extremely rude. This woman may well have mental health problems. If the gifts aren’t suitable, just bring them to a charity shop.

Does your DD’s Dad not bring her to visit her Gran ?

I can't help wondering if she has been made to feel very unwelcome by one of her DIL's at some point, possible after having just given birth? Maybe she was told not to visit for a few weeks after the baby's arrival - you read this all the time on MN, or a row happened between her and one of the DIL's that no one else knows about? The fact that you say she has contact with her DD's child, but none of the others would seem to possibly bear this out, although of course I may be totally wrong. You say that she hasn't seen your child for 3 years, has she met her at all? Did you ever get on well with her? If so, did something suddenly change? Could you consider writing her a letter, telling her how much you would like her to be a part of yours and your child's life, and that while you want to pass on her gifts you don't feel it's appropriate if she doesn't otherwise want to be involved in your daughter's life? The fact that she does bring gifts would seem to indicate that she wants the children to be aware of her existence, but maybe she's been made to feel that she wouldn't be made welcome by one DIL, and doesn't want to risk rejection by the others? All just thoughts that might explain this strange situation.