Want a second baby

[Misunderstoodagain]

So just as the title says, we want another child. Currently I'm soon to be 38 and have a 4.5 yr old. We had decided that we were content with one and could provide a decent life financially the way we were. BUT the itch has set in, I think mainly for me but my husband I know wants another and has been very hooked on the fact that he is growing up and will not need him as much as time goes etc.
The issue is 1. My age - I had horrendous HG and the thought of that alone makes me want to cry and the increase chance of having a child with disabilities weighs on my mind a lot ( I cared for my brother for 20 years who was profoundly disabled and who died in horrific circumstances). 2. Financially it will be a struggle for the 1st few years etc. That's really the main reason, resetting the clock to paying full time childcare, being on a reduced income for 9 months and forgoing longed for holidays etc.
Please someone talk some sense into us!!! Or rather me 😭 am I being unreasonable to even contemplate another child when finances would be so strained. Is it selfish?

Just go for it

Agree, do it!

Go for it 😊

Do it

For me the itch didn't go away. Three later and I could have had more but diabilites became apparent in our eldest and then siblings. Dh got the snip as we love babies and with peri menopause hormonal surges we could have easily plunged in for more on a whim and my yurning was so strong despite my head telling me nope

I guess I'm at the point of now or never which is why it's so strong, it's just the struggle of the financials- I mean we would be ok but back to sacrificing a lot once again and being stressed.

I surprised by the first posters, I thought I'd get more negative responses!

38 isn’t old. Go for it.

I'm pregnant with my second at 41, follow your heart

how strained would they be? do you anticipate debt or just tightening up on some of the luxuries you currently have? if the latter then you know it will be worth it in the long run. Consider how relentless and difficult those first few years of baby / toddlerhood are and think about what your gut says. If pinching the pennies of the only thing stopping you then I’d say go ahead!

finances are “easy” as it’s mathematics you do the maths and you can afford it and are willing to commit to the outlay or you can’t /wont. We agreed we would “give up” various things (holidays until youngest is at least 3, no nice cars etc) but it’s stuff we went that fussed about.

My second pregnancy was completely different to my first so were most of my friends and relatives.

your age is fine. I know about 4 people in my office who had babies before 35/36 most are in their 40s…
i had my first at 38, 2nd at 40…

if those are your issues go for it.

personally I don’t like newborns big gaps so the gap would be my hesitation… however it’s easy for me to say that as I got pregnant first try with my 2nd(2 under 2) so it’s not a bridge I’ve had to cross.

Do it, you'll cope.
Having two is lovely 😍 ☺️

I am your age with a newborn and a child in reception. Couldn't be happier. If you both want to and all you will need to sacrifice is a couple of years of holidays, I'd say do it.

I could’ve written this last year op. I also have a 4.5 year old DS and I’m 26 weeks pregnant with DC2. I had horrific HG until 19 weeks but thankfully mostly controlled with medication, so speak with your gp! I now have indigestion (typical pregnancy for me!) and I would still say go for it! You won’t regret it.

Go for it! I think everyone struggles financially when they have another child in the early years with nursery fees and mat leave pay etc. but it’s just temporary.

If we all worried about the financial side we'd never have babies

No comment on whether you should have a second. I have one grown up DS, and I felt the same as you on occasion. However, as he's got older we've been able to help in a way that wouldn't have been possible with two ( driving lessons, uni, house deposit etc.). Just a thought.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, it certainly has me thinking .... I shall have to speak with DH and see what he says.
@Earspiercedcoshewasntlistening this is my worry- the sacrifices won't just be ours but sacrifices on behalf of our son if we have another.

Go for it! I have a baby and a 3 yo! I couldn’t imagine not having the second (but then again I would really like a third..)