To think DH should answer phone/reply to texts

[funderba]

On the way home from work after picking up kids. DH at home alone after finishing work. Phoned and texted DH four times to see whether he is cooking or whether I need to go to the shop on way home. No replies.

His response when I get home? That he shouldn’t always have to always be looking at his phone. That he has ringer/vibration turned off. And that he was enjoying having a bit of time to himself cooking himself some dinner after work.

AIBU to think that I should be able to contact him when away from home and with the kids?

i’d understand more if it was an ideological crusade against phones, but when I’m home with him he’s always bloody on the thing. On some WhatsApp group about the football or his hobby.

i think it’s more an ideological crusade against what I represent in terms of responsibility and family. It’s not the first time. He rarely responds to my messages or phone calls. pisses me off. And then always reacts in an offended wounded way , as if I’m unreasonable to think he should be constantly attached to his phone (when ofcourse he IS bloody constantly attached to his phone when it’s something he wants to do)

AIBU?

YABU - I pay for my phone for MY convenience, not for other peoples convenience. If I don't feel like communicating I don't.

YANBU, this pisses me off so much with my DP! He is AWFUL at checking/ responding to texts and often has his phone on silent so doesn't get my calls. I don't have the answer OP but I feel your pain, I truly do 😬

This isn't quite how it works in a partnership/ family set up though, is it?

Having said that - your husband sounds selfish. Who fucking cooks themself a meal knowing their partner and kids are on the way home.?

I have no desire to be always attached to my phone so I'm with your dh on this. I hate the way people expect instant responses.

My phone at the moment is on the kitchen worktop, or possibly in my bedroom. I'm having 15 mins with my feet up while supper cooks. I'll look at it when I serve up food.

I make sure there is always food I can cook from frozen or you could always make a quick tomato & olive pasta. Fifteen minutes tops.

YANBU

YABU. We all need to spend time away from our phones. And surely you would have planned that night's dinner rather earlier? If you shop a couple of times a week, you would both know what was intended for dinner, and have the ingredients.

Like I said, I’d have more sympathy if it was from a desire to spend less time on his phone. But it’s not. He’s always on it. Conveniently quite often when I need to talk to him about something

Yeah I know what you mean OP. This is exactly the issue I have too. He's practically glued to it at other times but not when I need to bloody contact him! 🙄

No one else gonna point out how bizarre it is that he's cooking dinner for himself with no consideration for the rest of the household returning home shortly? Wish I could only ever think of myself the way some men do.

My DH is exactly the same and it drives me mad. He went to the supermarket to get a couple of last minute things for Christmas on Christmas Eve and told me to phone him if I thought of anything else we needed. Well I did think of something else but he wouldn't answer his phone or look at his texts and he arrived back home still unaware I had being going mad trying to phone him to avoid a second trip to the supermarket on Christmas Eve!

Yeah I think the hypocrisy- I’ll ignore you in favour of my phone and ignore my phone when you need to contact me.

I do hope the dinner he cooked was for you all!

YANBU in general - he needs to shoulder some responsibility. And there are different ways to do it - there can be a plan beforehand who is dealing with the dinner on which night, or he can proactively messages you (I'll make the dinner tonight/can you get something), or he can be available for communication.

Cooking dinner for himself is absurd.

Was he cooking dinner for all of you or just himself?

I get that he might miss / not notice a call. That seems more forgivable if he was cooking a family meal (with the oven / extractor fan / radio etc on).

I'm almost always on my phone. If I don't respond, it's because I couldn't be bothered to stop whatever I was reading/watching and forgot. When my DH texts, I always read it. For everyone else, I might not bother opening and then forget about it. I think your DH deliberately ignored the messages.

To be fair to him he made a pot of chilli big enough for everyone. Just had already eaten his quesadilla style before we got in . So I needed to cook rice/whatever for me and kids . So no biggie. Just annoying !

we’re generally a mixture of some pre planning and some ad hoc more chaotic shite. Usually we bumble along Alright. He generally does his share of domestic drudgery

just wish he’d answer his fucking phone

Either that or we both get rid of our phones, play board games and meal plan every night

Plan like you don't have a mobile phone.

It will bring it's own problems but it should resolve others.

Ridiculous to get worked up then. Non issue. He had handled it and you weren't left to do it all.

Same boat, it's so frustrating. We have a 1 year old, I have a heart issue which means sometimes I need to go to a&e immediately and a lot of the time he just can't be bothered to charge it. He's always very apologetic but I think it's common courtesy when you have responsibilities

I was just going to say exactly the same thing!

Aye, agree. Which is why I started a thread to have a wee vent on the internet rather than divorcing him 😘