To be concerned about my ds going on holiday with his dad and gf

[allydoobs83]

My DS is 5 in a few months time. His dad and his gf have been together since a few months before he was born. Generally, we all get on well,but but his dad can be a bit "macho" and be quite dismissive of DS's emotions, whereas DS can be quite sensitive.
Due to distance, DS only sees his dad approx 5-6 times a year, and every time I leave him, he gets really distressed, although he generally calms down pretty quickly.
Last year, DS went on holiday (in the UK) with his dad, gf and the gf's parents. He was screaming and crying out for me as they drove off, which was so upsetting!
He again, did calm down, fairly quickly but had a few moments of homesickness during the week.
This year, DS's dad wants to take him away to Europe, to visit the gf's parents.
I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of DS going on a plane for the first time (the idea terrifies him), to spend a week in a completely alien environment (not only a different country, but the area he'll be going to is very remote and rural, whereas he's a city kid!) where the only people who speak English will be his dad and gf.
I'm keen for DS to experience different countries and cultures, but AIBU to worry that this is all going to be too overwhelming for him, or am I being overprotective?

They don't tend to ask questions if the DC has the same surname as the parent. My DS has my surname and his dad isn't in the picture and I've never been asked to see a permission letter when I've taken him abroad.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. His dad sees him a few times a year and he gets distressed, this would be potentially distressing too.

Is ex very hands on and careful? We took our son on holiday to Spain and it was very stressful with high balconies and swimming pools, but our son is hyper and wasn't a careful or calm 5 year old. I was the one hyper aware and watching him like a hawk and we had a few close calls especially around pools - will there be pools?

Trust your gut on this. Maybe at 10/11 your son could go visit other countries but 5 is very young. And I get he's the father BUT he doesn't spend alot of time parenting day to day so maybe a trip to another country would be too much.

Just to be clear regarding the 5-6 visits a year, DS and I moved approx 3 hours (by car-ex doesn't drive, but gf does) away from the ex when DS was about 18 months old. It was ultimately "my choice" but there is no way we could've afforded to buy/rent in the area were living. Prior to moving, DS's dad would see him at least 3 times a week.
In terms of loving, I can't fault DS's dad, but we do have very different views on parenting. Yes, I admit, I am a soft touch at times, but I feel that DS's dad expects too much from DS; he seems very keen to make him grow up.
DS can be very confident in some ways, but very timid in others. He is reluctant to try new things, and I do push him to at least give something a go, eg. football clubs, etc.
I feel that going away for a week, under the circumstances I've described, will be too much for him, right now, but as some posts have said, I'm really not sure whether it's a case of making him do it and hoping it'll be a good experience in the long run, or postponing it until he's a little older. (For info, they wanted to take him abroad last year; same scenario, but I told them I wasn't keen, and, in the end, DS's passport didn't come through in time anyway).

It's likely that you ex doesn't have age appropriate expectations of DS because he simply doesn't see him enough. I don't spend any time with small children anymore despite having had my own DD who is now a teen and I've completely forgotten what's appropriate for what age.

It really will be ok to let him be out of his comfort zone and I think considering you are the one that moved (for understandable reasons) it's likely that long but infrequent visits with his dad are what he will have and it will be tricky for the first day but he'll soon settle and ex will get to know him better.

You both sound like wonderful parents and wanting the best for your child. Always hard to know what to do for the best. I have a child of the same age and would feel exactly the same. How about your ex and gf send photos of where they are going, and of her parents, all with happy positive vibes and smiles and talk to your child about how nice and how much fun he'd have going there next year and he can call mummy anytime. So he's prepared for a positive holiday as he gets a bit older? I think he's so little now , you are right to be concerned, trust your instinct, its a long time away. . I'm sure dc will have fabulous holidays there in years to come when you both feel more at ease

@Beezknees they've already had a break away in the UK, it says it in the OP.

YANBU. You know your child. I would try and take him on a quick plan flight before the trip. Then he will know what to expect so that will be less stressful.

Is there no court order in place for you (as the one who chose to move away) to have to drive your child to see his father?