Advice re Niece's Wedding

[northernandproud]

I no longer get on with my brother because he has upset my father (but that's another story). When I politely questioned my brother about it, he was incredibly rude to me. We haven't spoken since.

His daughter is getting married next year.

She has sent us a save the date card.

Although I'm fond of her, I rarely see her because of the issue with my brother.

I don't really want to go to the wedding because of what's happened.

Should I just go along or can I rightly stay away?

As it's over a year away theres no need to decide now is there? Why not see how things are when you get the invitation

I think it's a shame not to see her. I would go and be polite. She invited you because she wants you there.

Your niece is not your brother- she obviously loves you enough to want you to come. I’d go but keep my distance from your brother

The MN saying is ‘it’s an invite not a summons’.
i guess it depends on how much you value your niece/want to maintain that relationship? Also how old she is and how likely she is to feel offended if you decline, or if that matters to you.
also, how big is the wedding? If there are 100 guests you can probably avoid your brother beyond pleasantries.
your brother is a side show in this, decide what relationship you’d like with your niece going forward and go from there.

Do you feel she's invited you because she wants you to be there or because the rest of the family has been invited?

Presumably your niece is a grown woman, so invite her to coffee or a cafe and while you congratulate her on her forthcoming nuptials, gently broach the subject. It is entirely possible she didn't approve of how her father treated her grandfather.

At the very least you can clear the air, if not reach an understanding.

Go, you can just say hi to your brother and there will be plenty of other people there to talk to. The fact she's invited you is probably also an olive branch to you (this happened to me at my own wedding, I invited my uncle and they didn't come it was very disappointing)

She's invited you knowing it may upset her dad which is a strong statement to make, I wouldn't throw that gesture back in her face.

Why punish your niece for her Dad’s actions?

So your brother upset your dad. For some reason, you waded in and he reacted rudely.

This relatively minor event prompted you both to go no contact for a long time.

Despite this, your niece extended an olive branch and invited you to her wedding - but you want to ramp tension up to the next level, and involve your niece, by refusing to go.

All of this must be exhausting. Why do people become so entrenched in conflict, too stubborn to sort things out. It is as if you are punishing your niece too now. If you really can't bear to go please make sure your niece knows that you appreciate the gesture, and send a thoughtful card and gift.

I have family members who cannot get along and they make things difficult for everyone else. It's selfish.

Go to the wedding and simply do not talk to him. Don't discuss him, don't drink too much and don't get drawn into any argument with him.

It's in YOUR control. Put your ego aside for a day, for your niece's sake.

I had a similar situation last year. I went for my niece to support her and wish her well. It was one afternoon of my life it was slightly uncomfortable at times, but it meant the world to her and her siblings that my DH and I were there.

This is good advice. Let her know the issues rather than just declining the invite, she might be wanting to reconcile things and doesn’t agree with her fathers actions.
At least then if you don’t go, she knows why and you don’t look like you just don’t care.

Option is attend the wedding but not the reception afterwards. Or attend the reception but as others said, don't get involved with brother and don't drink so you have your faculties and can also leave if he wants to start getting unpleasant, which unfortunately does seem to happen with regularity at weddings where there are family rifts

I’d go, but I’d also meet your niece before hand for a coffee and chat about it, you will feel more comfortable on the day then too.

Don’t put your niece in the middle of your feud. Go to the wedding and just be civil.

You have an issue with your brother, not your niece, it would be incredibly petty and unkind to punish he when she has extended an invite. If she sided with your brother she wouldn’t have invited you so that says that she doesn’t agree with his actions anyway.

I'd go