Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dentist receptionist being rude justifiable or not

78 replies

Sophiekylesmum · 03/01/2024 22:57

I went to the dentist today , it’s my 3rd appointment since registering as it took me so long to find a dentist that accepts NHS patients and understand how hard this is for everyone.
I had an emergency appointment in November because all my gums hurt ridiculously I was taking pain killers every 2-4 hours and felt like I was taking way to many. I couldn’t eat properly I even blended a dinner to eat something other than soup . I saw the emergency dentist she said for my age (33) this was bad I shouldn’t have problems like this. I had them cleaned after having anaesthetic in my lower gums because it hurt so much i couldn’t even do it and was in tears, she said that I needed regular every 3 months deep cleans .
I got antibiotics and have taken my dental hygiene very seriously since and the problems have subsided. I found a regular dentist and had my first check up that’s required when you register. Been told everything else I need done along with needing a hygiene clean to maintain the gum disease as it can’t be cured just kept at bay to remove the plaque that was still there , so I came out and made the appointments.
i had my hygienist appointment I took the very first one I could get to get this sorted and never ever experience that pain again . The lady was lovely and even though it hurt she done an amazing job removing plaque and I didn’t need anaesthetic just numbing cream thankfully .
when I came out I went to reception to book my son an appointment. the man at the reception was typing into the card reader , he said that’s £55 please and I was so confused I said I get nhs treatment he said it’s not covered by nhs because it’s a hygienist appointment so I’ve said ok I’m so sorry I can’t even pay it today I’ve literally paid out everything all my direct debits have come out as well I’m waiting until my next pay day , he said well we all have bills to pay and I felt so humiliated as if I’m trying to not pay. Which yes I completely understand we all do have bills to pay on time etc but I had no idea and I would have kept the money aside if I had known , I was so embarrassed with people all behind me in the waiting room . I said I can pay on such and such day and he said I would have been told asif I was lying about not knowing I said I wasn’t told by the dentist when she told me to book , by the receptionist when I did book and also nothing was in the confirmation email and the 2nd confirmation email I got prior to attending. I said this is 4 opportunities I could have been told and wasn’t he was then saying the receptionist is very good and she wouldn’t have forgotten to tell me which was implying again I was lying , I said clearly she’s not because I wasn’t told 🤷🏼‍♀️
I made the appointment I needed to apologised did a promise to pay which then the charge was added to my account and left .
I then rang the nhs dental helpline and asked what treatment I’m actually entitled to and asked about hygienist appointments. He asked if I had booked the appointment myself which I had and he told me that it would then be cosmetic, I explained further that 2 dentists had told me to book this and he said sorry about the confusion it does come under clinically necessary for the heath of my gums to prevent me from having even severe issues and that it’s the dentists that have said it . I asked what can I do about this owed payment and he said call the helpline when I next go and they will explain. I was still outside so said can I go back now and you talk to him so I did and the receptionist was saying it isn’t clinically necessary but he will waver it this time . He wasn’t happy at all and once off the phone he said to me he’s wavering it because I wasn’t told about it not because I’m supposed to have it and even the man on the phone agreed with him and laughed as if I was stupid . I said going forward how am I supposed to have this done every 3 months I’ll have to pay? He said yes Its not necessary etc etc just being rude the whole time I said the dentist here said it and he said I must have got confused it was advised not necessary. I asked how does he know that and he said he will ask the dentist but I feel like he won’t and just wanted rid of me . he added that every time I come Iam late which isn’t true I said I’ve only been here 3 times , the first time I was a few minutes late as I got the bus dragging my 2 kids with me using Google maps to find the place but it wasn’t by a lot . The 2nd appointment my son had one at 2:20 and mine was at 2:50 , me and my daughter ran for the bus made it but my son didn’t he was 2 far behind and missed it , he’s 12 so I said get the next bus . I got there about 2:16 I explained to the receptionist the same man that my sons appointment is 2:20 and mines 2:50 he’s running late can I swap them around he said oh I understand I have children it gets harder as they get older and was very chatty telling me he’s children’s ages , he said it’s fine I’ll change them and then I waited , just as I went in to the dentist before I’d even sat down my son got there so she saw him and then me like it was supposed to be , today I was on time exactly at 3:30 . So said I’ve not been late he said the first time I was 6 minutes late , I was just in shock that he’s mentioning this and then he said and yesterday I said no I switched the appointments he said oh yes I remember . I couldn’t believe I was trying about this with him.
I left and rang the first dentist I saw the emergency one and explained that I was told it was necessary is that on the notes or anything or anyway I can contact that dentist for proof about it , she read out the notes and said yes. she said you need this every 3 months as I have gaps in my teeth from receading gums plaque and gum pockets it needs to be maintained. I’ve emailed the manager at this practice for a copy of these notes to prove myself to this receptionist .

this felt so unfair how I was treated and since leaving I’ve thought if I now ignore the 2 dentists that have said to do this and take the receptionists word in 3 6 12 whatever amount of months this is goih to come back and be painful again worse case scenario my teeth fall out because I haven’t done what I needed to do . I felt gaslighted like I was making it up to get free treatments or something like a scum bag who’s on Benefits trying to get things for free and not pay or something . I wouldn’t have booked the appointment in the first place if I wasn’t told to do so .
I don’t know what to do from here it’s knocked me down mentally so much I feel humiliated and embarrassed I even started to cry at one point , all in front of my 8 year old daughter .
is he right ? Am I just causing problems I’m so confused. I completely understand any lateness or missed appointments are unacceptable as the demand for nhs Denist’s is so high but to bring it up into this felt like I was being attacked trying to defend myself while staying calm and quiet in front of the other people , I didn’t say bye to him when I left the day before and I don’t know if that’s pissed him off after he was so chatty 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m trying to think every possible reason here and can’t figure it out

OP posts:
zusje · 04/01/2024 06:25

@Sophiekylesmum
I get this was a not so nice experience. I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and depression so I get the spiralling thoughts and little voice in your head saying all the negative/nasty things. I wasn't there, but I do wonder if some of your perception of the events has been coloured/exasperated because of your MH issues. You yourself mentioned that on both previous meetings the receptionist was perfectly pleasant, making lovely conversation and being friendly and chatty...why then would you assume he thinks you're "scum on benefits" on visit number three? It wouldn't be the first thing on anybody's mind other than perhaps the person who feels self conscious about this in the first place (as with the weight, hair etc). Also the person you called outside of the dentist for advise seemed to genuinely be nice and try and help you, even offering to explain the situation to the receptionist on you behalf, so it then seems highly improbable that he would be laughing at you as if you were stupid with the receptionist (again, unsure if the phone was on speaker, but assuming not, so even more likely that your own mind was filling in the blanks, if you were just hearing one side of the conversation). But it's very easy in a high stress situation for a person already out of their comfort zone to assume every look, sound, laugh is about them, trust me, I've been there.

Ultimately I wasn't there, so if you feel you need to complaint by all means you are more than entitled to do so. However it might be worth giving people a second chance, especially if it was a one off incidence.

Also, as I'm sure you are well aware, nhs dentists are hard to come by and appointments are at a premium, do you really wanna make an "enemy" out of the gatekeeper to these appointments so quickly after joining the practice? Because, if you are correct and for whatever unfathomable reason the receptionist has taken a dislike to you, complaining about him to the manager isn't going to ingratiate him to you. And can't imagine continuing going into a dentist office and waiting room with a receptionist that is going to be chilly at best towards you is going to make the experience any more pleasant or easier to deal with (especially if you need to visit quite often, as it sounds to be the case). Just some food for thought, in any case you should give it a couple of days until the highly emotional state you're in atm has settled so you can have a level, calm and factual conversation with the manager.

Hope you get everything sorted and most importantly keep taking care of your health, no matter how hard it is, as that's number one priority!

VanGoghsDog · 04/01/2024 07:51

OP - I have a similar issue with the optician. I am referred by the NHS to Specsavers for a torn retina, they found a hole in my macular and told me I need six monthly check ups for the hole. This is a clinical issue which the optician does on behalf of the NHS. But can I get the Specsavers receptionists to understand, book me the right appointment and stop trying to charge me? No I can't.

Last time they "waived the charge due to the misunderstanding", their misunderstanding, not mine!
The time before I just had the full eye test (which I didn't need) and paid.
I find them quite rude and patronizing over it. But, frankly, they are just not properly trained and the hand offs between the NHS and private providers don't seem well documented, so it's not really their fault.

The optician put a note on my file now, we'll see if that does any good (it won't).

So, my advice is - take charge here, know your rights (the info above about the gum scores is really helpful) and calmly explain every time you go. Write it down and take it with you and just read it to them each time. That should help avoid getting flustered and just ignore any comments about previous lateness.

AhBiscuits · 04/01/2024 08:49

I see the Hygienist a lot because of receding gums and I've always had to pay privately even though I'm an NHS patient at the same surgery. They should have told you though.

Mumof2NDers · 04/01/2024 08:55

ThreeTreeHill · 04/01/2024 00:04

A BPE of 2 indicates a scale and polish is needed and therefore should be offered on the NHS.

Roger that. It should be offered but would be Band 1. If the dentist has done the exam then he gets paid the UDA so the hygienist is effectively working for nothing. I work (not live sadly) in quite an affluent area so 90% of our patients are happy to pay. Patients that need calculus removal and don’t want to pay for a hygienist usually have it done at the exam by the dentist. 😀

Washinglinewench29 · 04/01/2024 08:59

You should have been given an estimate of the cost of the hygienist treatment. That's on them for not explaining the cost or providing that in writing.

oneflewoverthe · 04/01/2024 09:28

I have always had to pay for the hygienist despite being NHS, but yes they should have told you. Regarding how the receptionist spoke to you though, you need to let it go.

AfraidToRun · 04/01/2024 09:31

OP, focus on paying the right amount

Everything else that happened, forget it. He's not worth your time or energy. Some people are just natural dickheads.

ThreeTreeHill · 04/01/2024 10:13

Mumof2NDers · 04/01/2024 08:55

Roger that. It should be offered but would be Band 1. If the dentist has done the exam then he gets paid the UDA so the hygienist is effectively working for nothing. I work (not live sadly) in quite an affluent area so 90% of our patients are happy to pay. Patients that need calculus removal and don’t want to pay for a hygienist usually have it done at the exam by the dentist. 😀

Yes of course if a patient specifically requests hygienist treatment then they should pay. But they still need the treatment offerered on the NHS whether that be by a dentist or a hygienist if they are an NHS patient if they have a BPE of 2 or above. A 2 is not cosmetic

Whether that be the dentist pays the hygienist an amount to cover their hygiene work if they don't want to do it or carries out themselves.

ilovepixie · 04/01/2024 10:32

I thought you still had to pay something as a NHS patient?

ginasevern · 04/01/2024 10:51

For clarity, dental treatment is free on the NHS if you receive Income Support, Income related Job Seekers Allowance, Employment Support Allowance or State Pension Guaranteed Credit.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/01/2024 11:12

what I don’t understand is basically you don’t have to pay for it if it’s got to such a bad stage , which in turn could have been prevented by it being a service available on the NHS in the beginning

Because the NHS is strapped and the cost of treating the small amount of people who get to the bad stage is less than the cost of the preventative service for all. They focus a lot on educating people to do the preventative measures themselves, encouraging better dental hygiene day to day so fewer people will let things get to a stage were major treatment needs funding. That's how it has to be, being realistic rather than idealistic.

With the receptionist - I'm sorry he was rude and that your MH exacerbates this to make you feel like it was even worse than it was - but again being realistic, receptionists get a lot of shit. Any job dealing with the public is hard. As someone who struggles to even leave the house, you can imagine what dealing with hundreds of interactions must be like. He is a person too and he thought you were simply going to pay for the service you'd had but suddenly it became this much trickier situation. I'm not saying he handled it well, just putting the case for empathy on both sides. I think my MH would in tatters if I worked in the NHS right now! Try to put it behind you and focus on the good things - there's a lot of positives about you finding the NHS dentist, getting it sorted for free, and dealing with this situation so the misunderstanding was addressed. No need to let it escalate into something negative for your future.

RedHelenB · 04/01/2024 11:28

I wouldn't expect the dentist to know whether it not you pay for treatment, that's for the receptionists to sort out. Put it out your mind . Don't you sign anything at the dentist before they see you saying you're exempt from payment?

Sophiekylesmum · 04/01/2024 13:38

zusje · 04/01/2024 06:25

@Sophiekylesmum
I get this was a not so nice experience. I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and depression so I get the spiralling thoughts and little voice in your head saying all the negative/nasty things. I wasn't there, but I do wonder if some of your perception of the events has been coloured/exasperated because of your MH issues. You yourself mentioned that on both previous meetings the receptionist was perfectly pleasant, making lovely conversation and being friendly and chatty...why then would you assume he thinks you're "scum on benefits" on visit number three? It wouldn't be the first thing on anybody's mind other than perhaps the person who feels self conscious about this in the first place (as with the weight, hair etc). Also the person you called outside of the dentist for advise seemed to genuinely be nice and try and help you, even offering to explain the situation to the receptionist on you behalf, so it then seems highly improbable that he would be laughing at you as if you were stupid with the receptionist (again, unsure if the phone was on speaker, but assuming not, so even more likely that your own mind was filling in the blanks, if you were just hearing one side of the conversation). But it's very easy in a high stress situation for a person already out of their comfort zone to assume every look, sound, laugh is about them, trust me, I've been there.

Ultimately I wasn't there, so if you feel you need to complaint by all means you are more than entitled to do so. However it might be worth giving people a second chance, especially if it was a one off incidence.

Also, as I'm sure you are well aware, nhs dentists are hard to come by and appointments are at a premium, do you really wanna make an "enemy" out of the gatekeeper to these appointments so quickly after joining the practice? Because, if you are correct and for whatever unfathomable reason the receptionist has taken a dislike to you, complaining about him to the manager isn't going to ingratiate him to you. And can't imagine continuing going into a dentist office and waiting room with a receptionist that is going to be chilly at best towards you is going to make the experience any more pleasant or easier to deal with (especially if you need to visit quite often, as it sounds to be the case). Just some food for thought, in any case you should give it a couple of days until the highly emotional state you're in atm has settled so you can have a level, calm and factual conversation with the manager.

Hope you get everything sorted and most importantly keep taking care of your health, no matter how hard it is, as that's number one priority!

Thank you , this all makes a lot of sense and Iam just leaving it and not acting hot headed so I can then reevaluate the situation and maybe see it differently. It just got to me in that moment an intense amount ,
just to clarify. This was the 2nd time I had seen him . The first time I attended it was a women receptionist . The 2nd time was when he was chatty and the 3rd time was when this happened . The 1st time I met him he was chatty and nice then maybe after realising when I left that I don’t pay for treatment is what made me think it’s because I’m on benefits because then the next appointment was like he was a completely different person.

on the phone call , he wasn’t laughing with the advisor on the phone the phone call finished and I took the phone back ended the call then continued to have a conversation with the receptionist because he added he’s wavering it for the fact I didn’t know about the charge not because it was clinically necessary and that was the point of going in with nhs dental helpline advisor . He then used that to laugh at me saying the man on the phone agreed when then man on the phone wasn’t agreeing to either side he was just stating facts that if it’s cosmetic it’s payable and if it’s periodontal clinically necessary it would be free by the NHS . Being an advisor. It was unnecessary to use that to also have 1 up on me when I know he was only giving information.

yes I completely agree I need to let it go for the sake of attending more dentist appointments, I don’t know if I act the bigger person and completely ignore what’s happened that he’s going to still act like this with me. It’s just upsetting that now I’m put in this position when it didn’t need to be dealt with like this

OP posts:
Sophiekylesmum · 04/01/2024 13:53

RedHelenB · 04/01/2024 11:28

I wouldn't expect the dentist to know whether it not you pay for treatment, that's for the receptionists to sort out. Put it out your mind . Don't you sign anything at the dentist before they see you saying you're exempt from payment?

Yes I signed and filled in the form saying which benefits I’m on and that I’m exempt. When I saw the dentist we also spoke about payments as I mentioned if I need to go private for things I will ( my tooth and gum pain got so bad my dad said mention paying for it and they will be quick to help you , and he said he will pay as to not end up like him with 2 teeth left)
when doing the treatment plan she again asked me do I pay for my treatment and I said no she said good .
so when she told me to book a hygienist appointment surely after knowing all that she would have said it’s not free even to someone who’s exempt from a lot of other treatments

OP posts:
queenMab99 · 04/01/2024 14:19

I don't have any mental health problems as far as I know, and can still be reduced to a quivering wreck by dental receptionists recently. I have been removed from my NHS status, because I hadn't attended for 2 years, covid was the reason, I didn't have any severe dental problems, and am 72 and vulnerable due to low immune system caused by medication, so I stayed away as asked! The dental practice has been taken over by My Dentist group, which runs their own monthly subscription arrangement, but that list is also full. So I now have to pay full price for everything. The receptionists seem to assume that everyone pays full whack, and don't think it is their job to inform people what is available in the way of lower costs, and when you question it, treat you as if you are trying to defraud the business in some way. I suppose if they are young, they won't remember that from the post war years up to the 90s, going to the dentist didn't mean you were wealthy!

LightSwerve · 04/01/2024 14:51

RedHelenB · 04/01/2024 11:28

I wouldn't expect the dentist to know whether it not you pay for treatment, that's for the receptionists to sort out. Put it out your mind . Don't you sign anything at the dentist before they see you saying you're exempt from payment?

The dentist would know as they factor cost into their discussions - if you pay, they explain the charge whilst they discuss their recommendations. It is right there on the system and gets refreshed if anything changes.

Trinity65 · 04/01/2024 14:54

My Son sees a Hygeinest and its £60 per session .

He is NHS Dentist.

LightSwerve · 04/01/2024 14:54

Pinkdelight3 · 04/01/2024 11:12

what I don’t understand is basically you don’t have to pay for it if it’s got to such a bad stage , which in turn could have been prevented by it being a service available on the NHS in the beginning

Because the NHS is strapped and the cost of treating the small amount of people who get to the bad stage is less than the cost of the preventative service for all. They focus a lot on educating people to do the preventative measures themselves, encouraging better dental hygiene day to day so fewer people will let things get to a stage were major treatment needs funding. That's how it has to be, being realistic rather than idealistic.

With the receptionist - I'm sorry he was rude and that your MH exacerbates this to make you feel like it was even worse than it was - but again being realistic, receptionists get a lot of shit. Any job dealing with the public is hard. As someone who struggles to even leave the house, you can imagine what dealing with hundreds of interactions must be like. He is a person too and he thought you were simply going to pay for the service you'd had but suddenly it became this much trickier situation. I'm not saying he handled it well, just putting the case for empathy on both sides. I think my MH would in tatters if I worked in the NHS right now! Try to put it behind you and focus on the good things - there's a lot of positives about you finding the NHS dentist, getting it sorted for free, and dealing with this situation so the misunderstanding was addressed. No need to let it escalate into something negative for your future.

It's not cheaper, it is known the preventative route would save the NHS money - but we don't have enough dentists and the government has been remiss in not sorting out the overall resourcing.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/01/2024 15:30

As some other posters have said, it’s not free but it is cheaper with NHS dentist than it would be private. If you have a look on google or on your dental practice website it should give a breakdown of prices x

failingupwards · 04/01/2024 15:31

It’s really hard to get hygienist work covered by the NHS - most dentists try to palm it off as not really needed (despite telling you to get it) as they can then charge privately.

At my practice, I have to sign forms before every appointment and before any bit of work done, so I know up front the cost and undertake to pay it. I mean, I’m good for the money, they know I am, but they do this with every single patient so there is no confusion. They also always suggest cheaper alternatives where they exist, and whether I can wait for any work, or if it’s clinically urgent (presumably so I can wait for another paycheque). I don’t ask for this, but they just don’t like to assume everyone is comfortable.

Had I been in your situation, my dentist would have written me a treatment plan saying the work would be on the NHS, and I’d have signed it. If similar didn’t happen, it sounds like your practice is a bit shit at admin!

Dental work is hugely expensive and most practices want to make sure their patients understand the charges so they can get paid…

CaramelMac · 04/01/2024 16:03

It may help you to start imagining your appointments are 15 minutes earlier than they actually are, especially if you’re bringing children and relying on public transport, that way you don’t turn up late and flustered, it also shows a respect for the dentists time, as you’ve seen lateness really pisses people off.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/01/2024 17:01

It's not cheaper, it is known the preventative route would save the NHS money - but we don't have enough dentists and the government has been remiss in not sorting out the overall resourcing.

The point stands about realism vs idealism. Without enough dentists it's not feasible and so the focus is on what is feasible. The government is not likely to get less remiss, sort out resourcing and expand NHS dentistry any time soon.

Hankunamatata · 04/01/2024 17:09

Never heard of a hygienist being free on on nhs.

Nomad19 · 04/01/2024 17:16

It will be on your dental records that it was recommended by a dentist

Sherrystrull · 04/01/2024 17:33

CaramelMac · 04/01/2024 16:03

It may help you to start imagining your appointments are 15 minutes earlier than they actually are, especially if you’re bringing children and relying on public transport, that way you don’t turn up late and flustered, it also shows a respect for the dentists time, as you’ve seen lateness really pisses people off.

I agree with this. Get an earlier bus.

Swipe left for the next trending thread