Can't adapt after maternity leave - am I being ridiculous/pathetic?

[Disgruntledpelicanlady]

How long did it take people to feel OK after returning to work from maternity leave?

I went back 6 months ago and I feel like I hate my life.
Maternity leave was the best year of my life and being a mum is the best thing I've ever done.
I did love my job before having a baby and would have said I was doing my dream job.

I keep telling myself I just need to get into new routines but I feel like I'm spread too thin and not doing a good enough job at work or at home with no time or energy left for me. I feel so uninterested at work and hate leaving my baby.

I do have a tough job- physically and mentally, but as I said, it was always my dream job and I was very happy pre baby.
I have already dropped some hours but can't afford to drop more. I can't change jobs at the minute as nothing available would pay as well as my current specific role. We have debts were working on and can't afford to have less coming in until we're back on top of things.

How long did it take people to feel like this was their normal again?
Am I missing a trick in feeling better about everything?
Do I just need to toughen up?

Hello! I've been back for about 6 months and I can honestly say, I do not care about my job nearly as much as I did and frankly I don't feel bad about it. I still do exactly what I'm meant to doz and do it diligently, but the days of me going above and beyond and being always available are gone. I dont think you need to toughen up at all, it's life!

I loved mat leave too but once dd hit the toddler years, I was grateful to be working as she would have been hard work all the time!

I did work pt 3 days a week though so felt very lucky.

it is about finding a new lifestyle really. Once I was back at work I missed the daytime meet ups with mum friends, but weekends were mostly family time and so I saw friends on occasional nights out. Work and family took up all my time so that was the adjustment for me.

I felt the same. It was better when I started taking annual leave and got the odd day to myself.

How much have you reduced your hours by, how much is child benefit helping and if paying debts off is important, can DP pick up more hours? Is he paying half of childcare? Can you get cheaper childcare like a childminder? Are there any other costs you can reduce? Can you compress hours? Is it half your debt?

I rarely advocate for paying debt off slower but your baby isnt little for long, can you, as a couple, find a way to put time with young baby first for a few years?

@Herecomestreble1 said it perfectly! I still like my job and do it well however I do not care enough to go above and beyond as quite frankly it isn't as important.

Don’t criticise yourself - it will only make you feel worse, and won’t make anything any better.

The solution I think is to drop your standards at work and at home. You don’t need to do your job perfectly or with passion - you just need to do it, and try and enjoy it while you’re there - it pays your mortgage etc so appreciate for that.

Similarly if you are expecting to keep a show home or be a perfect mother knock that on the head. Is your partner doing their share? - if you are typical they won’t be.

I have never got back into the swing of things over a year after going back, not helped by returning full time and being very envious of anyone who can afford to be part-time. I dream about winning the lottery way more than I used to and my (probably misguided) solution is to try for another baby so I get another lot of maternity leave.

Feel exactly the same and been back for 7 months (DD is 19 months now).
I am very lucky to only work 2 days a week but I honestly cannot wait for them to be over with each week (Teacher). In a similar position regarding finances, I bring home a decent wage for 2 days a week plus term time only so feel very stuck! Hope things get better OP 💐

I felt like that when I went back after DD was born. She was 10 months when I returned. Mum guilt was so so real. I remember running home and was sobbing when her and DP were waiting for me at the window 😭 thankfully I was already 3 months pregnant when I went back.

Due to go back in May, and honestly I'm really looking forward to getting "me" back. A bit of normality & to see some work friends, adult chat and for us to all be in a better routine.

I'm also dropping a day and some hours and hoping it won't be that awful!

i couldn’t get my head back into it for 2 years and left to try a different field. New field needs you to care a bit otherwise you couldn’t do it which helps.

not sure if that answers your question but good luck whatever you choose. X

YADNBU.

Can you afford to reduce your hours? As a parent of DD19 and DS16 I will say, a la cliché, it goes so fast and I doubt you'll regret spending as much time with them as you possibly can. I certainly haven't.

I stuck it out at my old job for 9 months after returning from ML but my tolerance for the bullshit was so, so low that I quit and found a job that's more flexible albeit pays less but which gives me a sense of purpose. Sometimes the 'dream job' isn't so much of a dream job when your priorities change.

Sorry, just re read and seen you can't reduce hours any more. You're still NBU.

I still know I'm in my dream job. It's a vocation and I wouldn't choose to do anything else.

However, at the moment, I don't care about it at all. Before having a baby it was my passion and my life. Now I'm really not fussed.

But I'm playing the long game because I know that the passion will return when children are up and grown. I work freelance and I'm keeping my hand in. We will try for another child soon and I look forward to maternity leave again.

Just remember that you have a life ahead of you and this might well just be a phase of your life where you feel this way. Accept it for what it is. If you loved your job before, the love will return in time. Of course it pales in comparison to your children just now, they're the most wonderful things ever