Always compared to sister

[GeoSanders]

I'm the eldest of 3, I'm 35, brother 32 and sister 28. I was extremely lucky, my parents worked hard to put me into a private school for high school/sixth form. My brother was given the option but never wanted to leave his friends and my sister was privately educated from 3-18. This wasn't favouritism they just didn't have the same resources when they had me as they did when they had my sister. I wasn't massively academic or really talented in anyway, nothing came super naturally to me. I have a job now that I love but it's not super high earning and never will be, brother is the same.
My sister was the opposite, she was one of those people where no matter what she tried she was great at it. Piano, Violin, Ballet, Ice Skating, Tennis and the list goes on. Also naturally academic and very attractive. We always joked my parents forgot to give any of the luck to us and saved it all for her.
She went to uni down south (after rejecting an offer from Cambridge) did a masters, then a PhD, then got married to a man with a fair amount of money. She's never had a real job, has 2 kids (3 and 1) and seems happy enough, we aren't close to her. She has a big house, the funds to privately educated her children from the get go and everything else.

I'm happy for my sister, we are lucky to see her maybe once a year and even then we have to travel to her. However my parents spend their life comparing me to her. I've put a little weight on the last 2 years, nothing crazy, size 14 currently. My sister has 2 kids and in typical perfect fashion is back to a size 6 within weeks. My parents can't help but point out I've only had one child and he's 4 now so I should have lost it - yip thanks.
Like I said my son is 4 now, in Reception and now my parents keep going on about how we should be focusing on getting him into private school - they believe that's why my sister is so perfect. In the same breath they will complain about he must be so tired at afterschool club and commend my sister for being a stay at home mum?? Make it make sense I can either work all the hours on the clock for private school or be a stay at home mum, I can't do both.
The only reason my sister can afford to be a stay at home mum is because she has a husband making £200,000 and a mortgage free home. It's not that she's juggling working and parenting and a normal salary and a mortgage.
More annoyingly my parents haven't spent Christmas with my son or my brothers 2 kids since 2020, they go and see my sister, spend it with her kids but the invite is never extended to us which I think is a little sad. We always get new year but it seems like it's just because they always travel for new year.
This year I overheard my mum saying to her friend "ahh yes we are spending new year with "me and brother" as "sister" is off to Capetown ... just made me feel like it it weren't for her travelling they'd have done new year with her too.
They also constantly compare our parenting. My son has an iPad, he gets it occasionally. But all I got at dinner on Monday was, yes yes sisters children don't have any technology not even for the long flight to South Africa .... Okay?? (I mean they travel business with light flat beds so hardly the same as me and my kids being crammed in economy for our all inclusive to Greece but yes let's compare. Or how "well spoken" her 3 year old is, "how classy their names are", how well behaved they are and everything else it never ends.
I'm so fed up of it and it's getting me down, we aren't comparable, I love my life and I'm glad my sister is happy but it's not the same, of course her life looks to be in better order?!!

AIBU to be so fed up? Anyone have any suggestions on how I approach my parents on this?

Initially I was going to say, you might be jealous but christ, your parents are very hard work. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

Would you call them out on the comments- you have very eloquently explained this post , can you put the sane logic against the next crappy comment they make. Also you said they worked very hard to send you to private school, bring that up the next time too.

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that they see her success as their success, so when they're praising her they are praising themselves.

It's difficult. If you say something you're likely to just come across as bitter and jealous, but if you don't your son will notice and suffer.

I don't really know what to suggest, other than to go no contact, which, though often mentioned here as a solution to many problems seems rather extreme here! But how you manage to get the message across without seemingly jealous I do
not know.

Tell them how you feel.

I think I would firmly say ''That's great for sister but I'm me, not her'' over and over again. Hopefully that'd get the message across.

Or I would outright say something you've said here, like joke that you can't be a working parent to afford private school AND a SAHM so would they make up their minds? etc.

Honestly, I’d turn it around on them (since they seem to value private school so much).

Every time they compare you both, say something like: “Yeah, I suppose it’s proof that paying for private school for 15 years works. After all, she had so many more opportunities than me and db. Anyway, fancy a cupping?”.

If nothing else you’ll make it too awkward for them to continue making comparisons.

I would deal with it by firmly telling your parents to shut the fuck up about your sister!
Surely they are not that thick skinned that they can't see their comments are hurtful.
If they are so enraptured by your sister they could spend all of their time with her, sounds like they only bother with you out of duty anyway.
I would be telling them not to bother.

What I said to my mum who would constantly 'big up' one grandchild (not one of mine!) to everyone was a lighthearted 'yep, we get it, Bill is your favourite!'. To let her know that we noticed every time she said it. She did stop, eventually, so this might work?

I like this suggestion- and hard for them to argue

I don't have suggestions regards your parents but regards your sister - you just never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Perhaps your sister is blissfully happy. Perhaps her children are perfectly behaved. And, perhaps she does have a supermodel physique.

Or, perhaps she secretly longs to work. Perhaps her children can be as naughty as anybody else's at times. Or, perhaps she really restricts herself to maintain a size 6.

Perhaps she wishes her life were more like yours.

My point is, some things can look perfect to the outside world - it doesn't mean they are.

If you and yours are happy, enjoy it and rise above what your parents say 😉

This is a great answer OP.

But OP is not the one comparing or wanting to be like sister. It's the parents who have a favourite and love comparing OP to the golden child

Your parents sound like complete arseholes.
I'd tell them that you are sick to death of the comparisons and how they talk to you. If they can't stop then they can spend all of their time with your sister and leave you to live your life without their judgements.