To use a specialist pushchair for my child?

[Hokeypokeyz]

Son is 4, he’s struggling with fine and gross motor skills and will only walk for 5 minutes then says he’s tired. He also feels safe in his pram when he’s overwhelmed.

We have a referral for paediatrics for motor skills, potentially autism (lots of traits and 3 siblings who are autistic) and ENT for hearing problems. He’s getting a bit too big for his pram and I have a specialist pushchair in the cupboard from my older child who doesn’t use it anymore.

Thinking of using it for when he really can’t walk anymore or is overwhelmed and wants to hide? I really don’t think he’s ‘lazy’ (hate that word), and we are working on his stamina, but until then AIBU to let a potentially ‘neurotypical’ child use it?

Use your judgment as to whether it's beneficial. Don't give a fuck what anyone else says.

wrong thing for who ? your child is clearly struggiling with mobility what does it matter if he doesn't have an "official" diagnosis.

My daughter is 4 and still uses her buggy, she's not started school yet but I don't drive and have a 20 min walk to school and then back again for my older child, so at the moment it's the easiest way.....do what works for you!!

I had this dilemma with my then 5 year old, I was conscious what people would think- my youngest has Autism (not overly obvious to everyone) and a stomach issue. She's now 6 and uses the buggy regularly and tells me she feels safe in her buggy, I don't care anymore what others judge. It's helped massively and reduced her meltdowns and going out is a much better experience for us as a family.

Another one adding to the chorus of “do whatever you need to do.” The disability police do not come along and check you have the correct diagnosis for the buggy! You need it, you use it.

I’m six years into parenting an autistic, hypermobile, almost certainly dyspraxic child. You almost develop a thick skin along the way. We have a blue badge now just for our challenging days and I am just waiting for someone to Say Something one day! But I am getting much better at not thinking about what others must be thinking (though DS put it to the test yesterday with a half hour public meltdown at a busy attraction).

Use the buggy!

Wrong thing for who? All that matters is the right thing for him.

if you put him in one because you couldn’t be bothered and want to make life easier for you then that may be wrong. If you have it with you so he can decide what is best then that makes sense!

Do what you think is best for him. If you think a pushchair will help him enjoy going out etc. and makes things easier for you then do it. I still used the buggy on occasion for my 4 year old, and I had no excuse whatsoever other than it made things easier!

Also, I don’t know what hearing issues your little one has, but as someone who has hearing issues myself, I can say that it makes going out and about quite disorienting and overwhelming (sometimes frightening)- e.g. cars coming past and not hearing them until they suddenly shoot past, general background noises and not knowing how far away they are, not being sure which direction the noise is coming from, getting startled when turning head and suddenly hearing a noise, not being able to hear what people are saying above all the background noise, certain noises not not making sense, loosing your balance if you can’t see well/having to make lots of turns (this can come from hearing loss related to loosing the ability to hear certain frequencies- making many things sound distorted).
I can imagine that coping with this sensation is much worse when you’re only 4, and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to make adjustments to help him.

My 4 year old would often hop into Phil and Ted double buggy when picking him up from preschool. He was also partial to a nap in it.

My DD is 5 and we still use a buggy for her. She doesn't have a diagnosis but is visibly double-jointed and we have 2 family members who are diagnosed with autism, so I expect she has something. It's not a specialist buggy - she fits into a Yoyo (which suits us as it folds easily for buses) or sometimes she goes into a Phil and Ted's with her sister. We do get judgy looks but I ignore them.

they aren't rationed, it's fine. My DS, who is diagnosed with many things, isn't going to magically not be able to have one just because your DS, who hasn't yet had a diagnosis is using one. If it is going to help you and your DS, then do it!

Wrong for whom???

Hi OP, yes do it. Balls to what anyone else thinks. Ask for referal to wheelchair services and see if they will provide one. If he is going through the ehcp process request it there as it would be reasonable also OT assessment (slt aswell for autism, the hearing tests he needs and that the autism diagnosis is completed in the assessment period) maybe apply yourself if you think he'll need one. Apply for dla and a blue bade too, it sounds like he will need them. The blue badge can be applied for with the LA without automatic qualification. If in the future he doesn't need it don't use anything but these are all here to make his life easier.

Lot's of neurological children use them too nobody will judge and if they do, they're bonkers. If he has got needs whether sensory, motor, hypermobility, dyspraxia, safety, hearing etc think how much easier, calmer and possibly less painful his world will become not to mention more accessible.

My dd2 had/has a degerative hip condition and used a major buggy until she was 7. She's now 20 and waiting for a hip replacement and some days I wish I could put her back in that buggy!

One time we were waiting at a traffic crossing and a woman said to her "aren't you a bit of a big girl for a pushchair?". Dd explained (she's always been articulate!!) that she had a hip problem and wasn't allowed to walk far, or run or jump. The woman kind of looked down her nose at dd and headed over the crossing. With perfect timing, dd called out "didn't you hear me?" As she walked away! Everyone else was laughing by that point.

Use the buggy!

Absolutely use it! Wish we had got one, didn't realise DC did actually need rests and wasn't being lazy! X

User it when you need to (when time is an issue or it really is much too far for him to manage) but don't fall into the trap of using it all the time. He won't develop the stamina if he's in a pushchair all the time, so you'll need to manage his expectations. If the walk will be short, or recreational rather than needed for you to carry out an errand, the pushchair stays home. If the walk is longer he still has to do some of it before he goes in the pushchair.

If it turns out that he does have some neurodiversity, he might well become wedded to it, and you need to avoid that.

Nope. It’s all about need and NOT necessarily all about diagnosis! Some children never get a diagnosis but their needs are still there. My DD is 5 and on the ASD pathway, and she may not get that diagnosis yet. Doesn’t mean that if she gets a no diagnosis her needs will just POOF away. And therefore I will still be accessing whatever help I can.

He's been referred for motor skills delay.

That's what the major pushchairs are for.

Use it

I think it’s fine but just be aware that sometimes using aids or equipment for a child without a diagnosis can be viewed negatively .

When my dd was 7 she was constantly in pain (had been for years with limited mobility) then she suddenly started fainting all the time , started one day after the physio had said ‘when she complains push her to walk for 1-2 mins more so we did. Months of daily faints started. We bought a wheelchair as wheelchair services had a wait of months and she needed it . I was accused of FII!!! Which is basically munchausens It was awful. It only ended when we paid to be seen sooner and she was diagnosed with EDS, ME and PoTs

Does it look so different that people will pay any attention? And anyway, even if they do does it really matter.

As long as your child is comfortable that's what counts.

I'm in a similar position with my 4yo except I don't have one in the cupboard. But if I did I would definitely use it because his posture isn't good in the pushchair I'm currently using and he's reached the weight limit. We have a paeds appointment in a couple of months so I'm holding out in the hope of getting a referral to wheelchair services from them because I'd like to save the £250 if possible.

DS1 was still hitching lifts in the buggy at 4. I didn't realise that he's autistic, dyspraxic and hypermobile. I knew that he was happier for having an easy option for a rest though. At 13, he loves hill walking so I didn't ruin him, he just wasn't ready to walk everything in a functional way then.

The hard phase was when he was 2 and I couldn't use a buggy, reins or carrier because I was on crutches with SPD for a couple of months. It was awful for both of us and so good when my pelvis could cope with pushing him in the buggy again rather than relying on a very minimal amount of good will!

I used a sling for my PDA, dyspraxic, hyper mobile, low muscle tone DS. I last used it when he was almost 10yrs. Usage diminished over the years. He would want to use it more. I would often want to use it less, especially as he got heavier, but I appreciated it so much as it made our lives easier. The beauty of it was that it could be shoved in a bag when not in use. So when there wasn’t a need for it no-one, including DS, knew it was there. Oh the looks and comments I got when carrying a 7/8/9 yr old though!

Have a look at the excel Elsie. I don’t know how much it is now but it’s the same basically as a McLaren major type but a lot cheaper.

also worth looking on selling sites for people selling them on.

Definitely use whatever makes your life easier and more enjoyable and of course for your DS to be comfortable and safe
He has been referred for motor skills delay, which is why he needs one
No one knows what goes on in someone else's life so ignore them