To want to go to medical school at 37?

[MilanHilton]

I’m 37, married with two nursery aged children. Husband and I both earn £45k each so we live comfortably but not well off.

My medical care when I was pregnant was atrocious and the NHS was negligent (they admitted it). Which really got me thinking… I want to be a doctor that LISTENS to women so that what happened to me won’t happen to another lady.

I know I’m old, and coming from a non science background I’ll have to do 6 years in medical school and then extra training to be an OBGYN. Looking at the junior doctor pay bands it is going to take me years to get back to my current salary. Not to mention needing to do shift work and the stress of it all.

Financially it will be a tight decade and by the time I finish uni, the kids will be towards the end of primary so hopefully life will be easier. I’ll be mid 40s when I finish medical school so will still have another 20 years of working still.

AIBU for considering putting my young family through a decade of financial and emotional stress with the hope that I’ll earn more in the future? Is it worth the stress?

AINBU - go be a doctor! You’ll save lives (sometimes)
AIBU - that’s too much work and financial turmoil, even if you become a doctor you’re not going to address the chronic lack of resource in NHS

The NHS is not a family friendly employer. Been there done that.

Don't wreck your life OP. Enjoy your kids. I'd sooner sweep the streets than go through the stress of medical training.

I wouldn't do it, purely because you'd never get that time back with your young family.

@MilanHilton Please ignore all the rude responses here.
I am sorry not many doctors have the empathy and understanding you clearly have, you sound like a reasonable person. I would also say we need more doctors that actually listen to the patients and not patronise them. I have some experience similar to yours and its infuriating/ heart breaking.
Ten years ago I did consider the same as you after a few bad experience, to become a doctor, a good one. My children were very small at the time. At the end I didn't go ahead for practical reasons: children would have to go without lots of things that have a great impact in their development: all the activities they do, good camps and both parents attention. I didn't regret not to go ahead. I progressed in my own career and now I enjoy what I'm doing and I am well paid.
I could have made a good doctor if I could go back to finishing school. I am sure you would have been a great doctor OP. We need people who want to make a better world.
All the best with your decision.

Worked in hospitals for years and the best doctor I worked with had been a nurse initially then gone to med school when her kids were little (I once saw a picture her daughter had done when she was little that said 'poor ma has to study' with a picture of my friend at a desk. Do it - you will be great.

I have had students and trainees in similar situations to the OP,. and your dh too? that must have been tough

Problem is when you’re overworked and seen the same concerns so many times you will probably miss things too

Qualified to do what? (That sounds quite aggressive, sorry - I am just curious!)

One of my biggest achievements is that my kids are at university and not following me into Medicine.

I am in my fifties, have been a full time NHS consultant since I was 30 and have seen it all change behind recognition.

I am sure you could do it. But the toll it would take would be great.

Interestingly, the best F1 I have ever worked with was a 40-year-old mother of twins, one of whom had severe disabilities. It is the only time in my life, I have been moved to tears in admiration of what someone has achieved. She was incredible.

However, things in the NHS have become much worse. I have seen less camaraderie and more rudeness. Clinicians are often irritable with patients which is my bugbear. The service we give is simply not as good. We do not have a time for proper joined-up thinking and of course the NHS cannot be viewed in isolation and it is affected by inadequate social care and poverty.

I don’t like crushing dreams but it is good to be realistic. Well done for asking other people’s opinions before taking the next step.

I think it depends on how you view it. We love our jobs and our family, and those are our main interests so that's where we put our energy. There have been sacrifices along the way of course. A job opportunity came up recently that I would have really enjoyed but I didn't apply because it wouldn't fit with our current schedule. I'm thinking of staying where I am, career-wise, for a few more years, then once DH is doing his new thing (hopefully!) and DC's settled in school (again, hopefully!) I might look for another opportunity. It's kind of like career leapfrog! If DC doesn't cope with school, we can both drop our hours and split home ed 50:50 instead.

is your DH still in training to become a doctor @Scirocco ?

No, he is one now. Working part time as a doctor, studying degree number 3 which is also work related.

What degree is he doing now @Scirocco ?

out of interest - is the degree funded?

Funded by us, no additional funding for this one.

I'd prefer not to say as it's potentially quite outing for him, but it's directly relevant to his career plan.

good grief!

All the best

The NHS is a really tough place to work and not one I would recommend. If you plan to move to Canada, Australia or New Zealand immediately after qualifying, medicine may well be a rewarding and worthwhile pursuit. Staying in the UK will lead to unnecessary and untold misery. You may earn more than you do currently (after 10 years hard graft as a postgraduate) but especially with OBGYN you will work twice as many hours and will be lucky to see your family. OBGYN is a high risk, high stakes and high litigation speciality.

I’m so sorry your care was substandard.

I graduated from medical school at 28. I’m now 35 with 2 DC. I’m floundering at middle grade, years off being a consultant because it’s so hard to progress whilst maintaining anything approaching a family life especially (?exclusively) due to being an older female. During speciality training you have to move around enormous geographical areas which is both exhausting and awful for seeing your DC. For complete example, in O&G training in South Thames you could be in Guildford in year 1, central London in year 2, Dover in year 3, Brighton in year 4 and Chichester in year 5. In any hospital speciality you have to do a vast amount of work outside the horrendous hours if you want to progress. Night shifts in your 30s are horrible. I can’t even imagine how dreadful they will be in my 40s.

I do enjoy my job but I really wish I hadn’t gone back to medical school if I’m honest. I literally have no life outside of work and my DC because I don’t have the time or the brain space.

@Scirocco thats ok. I was just wondering because the only additional degree (PhD aside) I could think of was dentistry for omfs.

Would you suggest that to a man considering a medical career?

Have you considered physician’s associate OP? I don’t approve of the role as I don’t think they have enough training - 2 years - but the pay is comparable to doctors and the terms can be better.

My dd1 wouldn't recommend it either! She's a ST5 OBGYN registrar and her latest move in October means she has a 90 minute commute each way. She has to stay in hospital accommodation when she is doing nights and sometimes long days. She is currently pregnant and wondering how her and her dh (also a doctor) will manage.

Good for you wanting to help, the NHS needs people like you.

Yanbu to want to go and try to help.

Yabvu to think that you as a newly qualified doctor under circumstances of overwork and chronic underfunding will be able to do better than the people who treated you. The whole system is broken and you are deluded and very unfair to think that anyone working there did not start off wanting to be the person being the person who listens to women and does everything right.

They were short with you because they had to get you safely out of the way before the 10 women waiting behind you died or lost their babies. You were not their only problem that day. If you want to change things campaign for proper funding.

That’s right. Because there’s currently v few of us in the NHS who are caring & “want to listen and make a difference”.

The shameful underfunding by the Tories, the horrendous conditions, woeful backlogs & huge waiting lists aren’t the problem at all. All that’s needed is some entirely unqualified, optimistic, personally-traumatised patients to step-in, to show us where we’ve been going wrong. 🙄