To want everyone to just support themselves

[Caleche]

Just that really. Teens who need lots of support. Mother who needs support and brother with MH issues who also needs support. Husband has been unhappy and unfulfilled in his job for years and is complaining that I don’t give him
enough support. He gives me little but I don’t tend to look for or need it.

AIBU to want him to just manage cope without so much support. It’s exhausting

What support are they looking for? Do you have an escape? Work, hobbies?

I'm literally in the same position

I feel all supported out

I am one big great support act and am tired

Look after yourself

I'd love to give you advice but all I can do is agree!! Someone fucking support me please!!

YANBU, it feels like everyone is crumbling doesn’t it

Agree. One big support act. I don’t even know what I like any more, I’m so used to doing what other people like.

Talk to your DH and discuss how you can both support each other. Tell each other what support you most desire and would most appreciate. Then give each other mutual support - you give what he wants and needs and he does the same to you.

You have to support your own teen. That's your job. But do it in a way that helps them stand on their own two feet. Help them access professional support, helpful online services etc, and teach them how to be resilient and cope. Make sure they are fully aware it is normal to feel anxiety, fear, sadness etc sometimes - these are a healthy range of human emotions. Just as it is perfectly normal to fail sometimes and failure is a huge part of the learning process and becoming a success. Teach them life isn't supposed to be insta-perfect 24/7. Teach them how to self-soothe and be self-compassionate, how to be kind to themselves after a break up/fallout/upset, and how to pick themselves up after failure. Also teach them you are human and you too need their compassion at times in the form of sticking the kettle on, emptying the dishwasher, saying please and thank you for things you do for them..

You do not have to support your mother or brother. They are not your responsibility. Direct them to professional services and just be honest. Say you feel very worn thin supporting DC and DH and no one is supporting you so you just don't have great reserves right now and your own MH is fragile. Fellow adults will sidle off elsewhere if you say you can't be their support human.

Yes I have work and hobbies, it’s just constant emotional support

Agree. I’m on a city break and everyone is complaining about what we are / aren’t doing. Meanwhile I have done what I want which is wander around boutiques and have a glass of wine

Same as @Naptrappedmummy it feels like everyone around me is crumbling. I've had one person I support have a good year and is on the up, but the work has been immense. It is absolutely worth it but it can be a heavy burden.

Here with you. Well, youngest DC is fine other than being an age where they still need a lot of interaction. DH and older DC have spent the past year needing constant support and talks and handholding and AARGH. I love them all dearly but dear god, I don’t want to be the emotional glue that holds them together when they are having a tough time. I have on occasion locked myself in the bathroom and wailed to myself, what about meeeeeee. Doesn’t help much.

Hoping their various mental health and SN crisis pass a little this year…

YABU about the teens if they’re your children. When you have children you should expect to support them up until adulthood and that includes emotionally. YANBU about any adults who expect support but don’t support you back in turn.

There’s support and then there’s support. Parents seem to be expected to do so much now and have an almost unhealthy level of involvement. They’re more like counsellors than there for advice and the odd pep talk.

Same here op

YANBU. We live in a culture where so many people don't take responsibility for themselves and constantly expect others to fix their problems.
With obvious exceptions (poor health) everyone should be responsible for their own level of happiness/ fulfillment in life.