DH doing the absolute minimum whilst I'm sick

[Thyme80]

I spent the day yesterday completing wiped out with Endo/Adeno pain, trying to sleep and taking very strong pain killers. DH is still off work and spent the day in front of the TV.
AIBU he could have used some of the day to get on top of a few jobs around the house - not everything, but maybe just stuck a load of washing on or 2. I've woken up today to a mountain or chores to get on top of, and DH's attitude is we can both do it together, it will be quicker, and I didn't want to do it yesterday because I didn't want you to feel guilty about being in bed.

I’d be going back to bed and making him do the lot today, whilst reassuring him that I wouldn’t feel at all guilty!

I have endo and Adenomyosis so I feel for you! Your partner sounds like a lazy bastard. Doesn’t surprise me though - they run out of sympathy with long term conditions. Hugs to you. X

YANBU. He sounds insufferable.

Do the same back to him when he’s sick. Save all the jobs for when he’s better.

Does he do his fair share?

Either quiet quit on him or leave

He's all yours, OP.

Get well soon.

I came down with the flu on New Years Eve, great way to end the year and start the new one!

Yesterday, my husband tackled the washing and ironing, vacuumed downstairs, went to the supermarket, brought me drinks, medication and some light snacks for me throughout the day, as well as spending time with our children all while I stayed in bed under loads of layers shivering until I drifted off. Today he has done other jobs that needed doing and has checked that both our cars have got enough screen wash, oil and antifreeze in them.

He has always helped out around the house though. Neither of us would leave jobs for the other. If I had been well, we would have split the jobs, then had family time together.

wtf would he think you'd 'feel guilty about being in bed' when you were ill?
Oh wait... that was just an excuse for him being lazy wasn't it? He jolly well should feel guilty for lounging around doing bugger all.

He does do his fair share, however he is guilty of doing the 'better' jobs around the house. Cooking, dog walking, grocery shopping, meal prep.
Yesterday he unloaded the dishwasher, made DSS a bacon sandwich, took him to work, cleared up after dinner, brought me snacks, drugs, heat packs - So it's not like he did 0, it's just that I would like to go out and do something nice today because yesterday was so shit, but it feels like I'm playing catch up.
FWIW, he's still in bed this morning and I've done 4 loads of washing and the bins - it's 8:30am. Which I know is on me, I'm an active relaxer and struggle to chill if the house is a mess (or my version of mess)

I presume he didn't feel guilty about being in bed while you did all the above then OP?

Sounds like he actually did lots round the house then & to help you while you felt ill. Maybe he just forgot to put washing on? If he cleaned up after dinner did he also cook dinner?

Why so much washing? Are you washing for dh and dss too? If you don't like washing then just divide it up between the adults in the house. Why are you the default laundry person in the house? We each do our own washing other than a joint whites wash once a week.

Slightly missing the point but what time did you get up to have done 4 loads of washing by 8.30? An average wash in our washing machine takes 2 hours.

It sounds like he actually did a fair bit, just not what you thought he should be doing.

If he was ill in bed would it be ok for him to lie there and judge what you are doing around the house?

yes or no?

is he allowed to decide sometimes that he wants to rest? Or does he require your permission?

when you decide when to do housework and when to rest do you require his permission?

I think we all know the answer to these questions.

How old is DSS?

I hope you feel better!

I know it's a very different scenario but your message reminded me of this clip from "And Just Like That" (Sex and the City) ...

He's not insufferable, just not very thinking. He could have put washing in the machine but it didn't occur to him and now it has he wants to share it. Sometimes I get the distinct feeling on MN that many of the women here either do not like men or do not like their DH. I have never known current DH do the washing - he doesn't know how the machine works! - I do it. By which I mean I stick stuff in an appropriate wash, hang it up and put it away (don't iron anything unless for special occasion). I dust occasionally, but I have better things to do, so if he doesn't do them either I do not mind.

I don't know why people think he did quite a bit, sounds like hardly anything/a quarter of normal daily expectations.
He could have done at least 2 loads of washing as well and it would have been a slow day to me.

Him thinking you would be feeling guilty as an excuse is actually disgusting, it's like he is suggesting you SHOULD feel guilty for not working as his domestic appliance normally does.

Your DH doesn’t know how to operate a washing machine? He sounds another useless cunt.

I like my DH just fine, because he knows how to operate a washing machine, cook and everything else in the house.

That's a low bar you have there. My wife usually collects up the washing, one of us will put it on and I'll hang it up when it's done including emptying and turning on the dehumidifier. She usually, but not always, puts it away. I do all the food shopping and cooking, we share the clearing away, so I do let her take a bit of a lead with the clothes. I never have to be asked to do anything, I know what needs to be done and get on with it, she isn't my maid.