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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel hurt

23 replies

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 19:20

But if a back story, I have a history of being unlucky in love. I spent most of my 20s single after a long relationship with somebody who cheated on me throughout. After that I struggled to meet anyone who wanted more than just fun. My heart was broken many times.

I eventually fell pregnant with my dc after a relationship that lasted less than a year and dc's dad decided from the start he did not want to be involved. I accepted this and have brought my child up alone.

5 years ago when my DC was 1 I met someone and things have been great. Until I started to asked for more commitment (moving in together ect). After a few arguments that stemmed from this, he left me. We were together 5 years. This happened a month ago and to top it off I fell ill over Christmas with the flu and haven't been able to move. Today I felt better and took my dc to visit some of my childhood friends (their husbands were also there). One of the husbands made various comments about the breakup, one of which was that it must be me because I can't keep a man. And many jokes about who's going to be my child's step dad next. I just feel so hurt and also hurt for my child. This was never how I expected my life to be and I'm now in bed thinking it must be me. I don't know what I expect from this post, I just needed to write it all down I think. I'm also still not feeling 100% so maybe I'm taking things a little too much to heart.

OP posts:
prawngate · 02/01/2024 19:21

Your friends husband is a dick. Don't speak to him again!!!

Wishing you well Flowers

KnowledgeableMomma · 02/01/2024 19:52

Maybe it's time to just be alone? From one single momma to another.......it's seriously the best!

mamacorn1 · 02/01/2024 19:55

You don’t have to feel bad OP. I had so called friends who made these jokes to me, when all I wanted was to feel loved and happy. It’s easy for people in rose tinted married specs to laugh at the single mother. Don’t go there again, don’t speak to that man again.
you will find someone lovely , just take some time out to be you and bubba again.

Kwasi · 02/01/2024 20:02

This is unacceptable. I am so sorry you had to endure such horrible comments.

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:03

KnowledgeableMomma · 02/01/2024 19:52

Maybe it's time to just be alone? From one single momma to another.......it's seriously the best!

I've spent most of my adult life alone. I want a relationship, I want a home with somebody. It's something I crave now more than ever. Im just hurt that people think it's ok to joke at someone else's expense. And the fact everyone laughed made it worse.

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 02/01/2024 20:04

He's a dick. I'm so sorry he said those awful things. They aren't true. Can you confuse in a friend who was there how hurt you are? Whether or not you meet someone for the long haul is just luck and nothing to do with you as a person.

mumsytoon · 02/01/2024 20:11

Wow what an arsehole. What did your friends have to say to that?? It's not you, it's them. A man who walks away from their child is the problem. A man that strings you along for 5 years is the problem.

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:15

mumsytoon · 02/01/2024 20:11

Wow what an arsehole. What did your friends have to say to that?? It's not you, it's them. A man who walks away from their child is the problem. A man that strings you along for 5 years is the problem.

They laughed.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMeBullshit · 02/01/2024 20:22

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:15

They laughed.

They're not your friends. They're wankers x

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 02/01/2024 20:24

What an absolute moron your friend's husband is! At least you are not married to him!

Allwelcone · 02/01/2024 20:30

Horrible behaviour OP especially after what you've been through.

It's no excuse or defence but sometimes "group think" can take over in social situations I guess, everyone goes along with something without engaging their brains as its "funny".

I'd tell your friends, or maybe just the nicest one who will tell the others, how much it hurt you.

BCBird · 02/01/2024 20:34

They are despicable

krustykittens · 02/01/2024 20:36

These ‘friends’ are vile! Get new ones, asap.

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:42

I'm just feeling so low this week after a string of bad luck, then being so unwell. The only socialising I've done the whole of Christmas has ended in me coming home laying in bed feeling worse.

OP posts:
mumsytoon · 02/01/2024 20:44

Please don't let pathetic idiots like these make you feel bad about yourself. They are not your friends and you should drop them. You don't need people like that around you or your dc.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 02/01/2024 20:45

Don’t see these people ever again. Especially that man - what a dick.

It’s not you - who stays 5 years in a relationship and then is surprised when commitment is on the cards?

Who walks away from their own child?

It’s them it’s not you. Be kind to yourself.

That man is a dickhead.

BethDuttonsTwin · 02/01/2024 20:47

I’d have left. Completely unacceptable for him to speak to you that way.

Tonight1 · 02/01/2024 20:52

The husband is awful.

You're not alone, you have you and your child. I'd focus on that for the time being, speak to your 'friend' about her husband's idiocy and that it's the father's fault for not stepping up. Not yours.

Sallybegood · 02/01/2024 20:55

Sounds like your friend’s husband has a weird crush on you tbh. He seems very preoccupied with your life and your love life in particular. Some dickheads do express crushes via negging.

As others have said he is a dick, so please don’t waste any time feeling bad about anything he says.

momonpurpose · 02/01/2024 21:05

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:15

They laughed.

I'm sorry but that is not a friend! Nor was it a funny joke. I'd be going lc or nc

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/01/2024 21:34

What a horrible thing to say! I hope you tell your friend how out of line her DH was. I would be limiting contact with them if i were you.

RockGirl · 02/01/2024 22:00

Well, your friend may be married, but really, the bar has been set very very low.

MadAboutThat · 02/01/2024 22:17

sunnydays1543 · 02/01/2024 20:03

I've spent most of my adult life alone. I want a relationship, I want a home with somebody. It's something I crave now more than ever. Im just hurt that people think it's ok to joke at someone else's expense. And the fact everyone laughed made it worse.

The thing is if all you crave is a relationship then that's all you're looking for, you'll be looking for it in any person that gives you a little bit of charm and the time of day, rather than waiting for the right person to have that relationship with and that's why you are being treated badly by these massive duds - You don't deserve it, and it's not your fault.

You need to spend time with yourself and do what you need to do to be happy on your own, only then will you be confident and self assured enough to accept the love you deserve and recognise it in the right people.

Whether it be therapy, cultivating and full life with family or friends or just taking it day by day with your son, do what you need to do to be happy with just you.

The rest will follow, it always does.

You sound like a lovely person, you deserve to wait for someone who recognises that. 🧡

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